I want to be as tidy as my friend but it seems impossible!

[Mamabear04]

Just been round to my friend's house for a play date with the kids. We both have x2 young children under 5. Her house is spotless! No clutter, everything neat and tidy even the bath toys all ordered by colour or toy type. How is this even possible??? I don't have an untidy house but I feel my house is just cluttered with toys, x47488484949 kids drawings, piles of washing constantly on rotation, endless dishes on the rack. I clean all the time and try to keep things tidy but the clutter always wins. How is she doing this??? How can I make my house like this??? I try to put everything back in it's place but somehow with DH and the kids it's always so chaotic...

@Mamabear04 , in years to come your children won’t remember that there was a bit of chaos. They will remember you had time to read to them or play. They will remember the warmth and happiness of your home. So called perfection is not always to be envied or aspired to. ☺️

I was in awe of a friend with 5 children and an immaculate house when I only had one small baby...until she asked me to grab something from a cupboard for her 🤣🤣🤣

My house is always clean, tidy and with no clutter.

As other pp have said, there are several reasons: I can't stand clutter, it makes me edgy. Clean and tidy makes me calm, happy and free to do other things. Actual cleaning is so much easier when there's no mess to move first.

Secondly, I continuously declutter and don't keep random stuff I don't use. Lots of things are given away/go to charity. New clothes only if needed and then old ones straight in the charity bin.

Thirdly, I tend to keep quietly busy all the time, doing things. I say "quietly busy" because I'm never dashing about, never frantic, I just "potter". But I don't understand how people sit and do nothing! How do you do it?
I mean, if I'm watching my favourite TV show, I'm probably doing the ironing and folding up/putting away at the same time. If I'm in the kitchen making a cuppa, I'm probably putting the clean dishes back in the cupboards while the kettle boils. Folk sort of stand/sit around doing nothing....isn't that a bit dull and boring??

Fourthly, every single thing has a place, and it goes back in that place when I've used it. Scissors and selotape? Back in the stationary drawer. Clothes been through the dryer? Back into the wardrobe and sock drawer. Arrived home with the shopping? Keys go on the key rack, coat on the peg, shopping in the fridge/cupboards, shopping bags folded and into their store box, handbag and purse in the bedroom where they live. I don't just DUMP stuff as I move about....

Yes, this is a big one I think. If you get no pleasure out of sitting still then that's going to give you much more time for "doing" things without feeling deprived.

I can live quite happily in my head for a fairly long time. I could sit in an empty room with plain white walls for a good long while without getting bored just thinking about stuff.

Reading, thinking, listening to music, napping are all sources of great pleasure to me. I couldn't tell you how, no more than I can understand the need to always be busy.

It often makes for a very unhappy home. I know of someone that does obsessive cleaning and tidying- she throws away everything the kids make, barely lets them play or does anything fun and runs around cleaning and tidying at the expense of her family.

I know it looks lovely but it’s often not a sign of good mental health. Houses with kids in should look like houses with kids in. Clean yes, but not spotless.

It’s absolutely rubbish the whole you can’t have a clean house without terrible childhood of abandonment.

I don’t know about you but my Ds is awake from about 6am to 8.30-9pm. He has about 15hrs a day awake. Cleaning the kitchen for 10 mins after meal prep, or wiping bathroom down 5mins isn’t going to affect him one bit.
My Ds is 4 years and he makes a mess sure, but he is already pretty good about out things away straight away ie clothing when off, banana skin in bin. He tidys toys with us every evening before bed, it takes 5mins max between us. This afternoon the living room was full of toys

I hate when people make cleaning or not cleaning into some sort of morality contest
Your house and stuff is neutral, it should just work for you & your family - is everything you need accessible and hygienic? Is it easy to do the things that matter to your family eg cooking, crafting, hobbies, relaxing, lego, eating at a shared space together every night

If no you need to pinpoint and change things
Cleanliness = Hygienic + organisation

Most of time you just need less shit & continuously go through your shit all the time
Have a running charity donation bag
Everything!!!! Needs a home. Dont put down - put away!
If you have ever had to buy something you know you have but can't find in the house that is a sure sign you have too much crap all over the place
Clean frequently and weekly do the bigger jobs that give u most visual reward - cleaning fridge, organising something big. A loose Flylady system

I am a former messy person in cleanliness & organisational rehab !! It has a huge effect on my mind. I also need giant wall planners, paper diaries etc to organise the social and family stuff. I am a psycho who has a labelled birthday folder with written names & bdays in sorted by month. If I didn't I would not remember anything

I agree @Caspianberg it seems clear that those with messy homes feel the need to justify it - so far on this thread we’ve had clean homes = not spending time with children or cooking them home cooked meals, anxiety and mental health problems and a horrible DH, miserable children and miserable childhoods.

I guess whatever makes them feel better about their children growing up among clutter and rubbish and mess.

Sounds like the most dull life to me, personally ! What a boring existence she must have, poor woman

Jings, people calm down! I was in no way implying that my home is messy therefore I am better a better mum because I spend more time with my kids etc. My friend quite clearly plays with her children and feeds them well. I was more wondering how she manages to do that AND have an amazing house! Turns out I have more stuff and need to potter more. Do what makes you happy and feel content in your own home for goodness sake! Don't judge someone else for that!

But everyone has to clean everyday. It's just about efficiency a lot of the time. Five minutes doing several jobs because it's tidy and decluttered Vs five minutes doing one job around mess and clutter

Why is it boring to have a tidy house? To put stuff away immediately rather than three days later? What's fun about living on mess and chaos?

Yeah, I've 2 young DC and I work full time

My house is very tidy. Everything has a home and I get stressed if it's a mess

I never sit down 🤷🏽‍♀️ well, except for my dinner

I cannot remember the last time I sat on my sofa, I even drink my tea standing up

I would hazard a guess that you have more stuff than her. Stuff makes cleaning hard work, you gotta clear up the clutter and you're tired before you've even starting the cleaning. Having less stuff and a home for everything makes it much easier.

Or maybe she runs round and shoves all the clutter in her master bedroom for your visits? Then has a little clean round before you arrive.

All those tasks and more daily, sometimes several times a day. I enjoy having my home visitor ready.

It will definitely be she is better at dealing with clutter than you. My house is similar to your friend's, we have 5 daughters but people always comment on how tidy it is.

I'm actually really lazy but I make sure we all only have belongings that fit in the storage we have and everything is out of sight. We have no open storage anywhere, no baskets of this or that on display. Open storage always ends up messy in a family I think.

No coats / jackets are ever in the hall, they all are kept upstairs. Shoes are off at the door and inside a cupboard. Never is one single shoe not in the cupboard.

And so on, this discipline is throughout our house. If somewhere starts to get tight on space, something has to go. It works, try it.

Maybe she and her kids have less stuff? Do you have systems in place for washing and storing kids drawings etc? It is much easier to keep a house tidy if you don't have clutter and have good storage and systems.

Yes, I clean all the time. Dust once a week, clean the floors daily, always make sure the kitchen is clean at the end of the day, bathrooms once a week...or maybe OP clean more???

I wouldn't say this is cleaning all the time, more doing the basics. I have phases (normally when I'm anxious/restless) of cleaning 'all the time' to me that means I'm persistently looking for things to clean/organise/touch up all day. I'm finding new cobwebs to dust, cleaning hidden radiators, tidying toys as I go along. Sort of absent mindedly doing it as I go about my day. Eg while toddler's in bath I'll clean the sink, loo, windowsill, window, polish the radiator and metalwork, wipe dust off bathroom plants, organise all the bath toys and shampoo bottles in a leisurely way. When she's playing in our bedroom I seize the opportunity to change the bedlinen, all hand towels, dust and condition leather furniture, polish mirrors, sort laundry, organise my clothes. At same time I chat to her or she helps me.

I do the dishwasher 2-3x day normally while waiting for kettle to boil. Other kitchen jobs get done while I'm waiting for things like toaster to cook or watching pan on hob. Eg sorting and binning/recycling/moving all the stuff people dump in the kitchen! Wiping cabinet fronts and tops of their doors, spot cleaning things, organising stuff in cupboards. That way it's not all saved up for daily clean and clutter/grime can't build up.

Even when I'm not in a cleaning mood I try to do little jobs as I go along, spontaneously, so it's a continuous process rather than a big chore. And I delegate jobs to others! Once I started doing this daily I began noticing all kinds of dirt and clutter I hadn't been aware of, it feels so satisfying when everything around you begins to get that clean 'glow'.

Kids make it hard to keep the house tidy but you can train them to put stuff away in its place. I also go round after them tidying cushions, wiping fingermarks, gathering crumbs/paper snippings/books so it's not overwhelming at end of day.

I also have rules like the table has to be cleared and wiped down after every meal or activity, no glasses or pens or homework left on it for 'later'. All side tables and surfaces I keep clear so it's easy to clean them all daily (no tea mugs, toys, pens etc left overnight) I have to enforce this but if I don't things start to slide into chaos.

Other rules are things like shoes have to be put away in shoe cuoboard, coats on pegs, any jumpers/lunchboxes/pocket contents get moved from hall as soon as I spot them and put away in their places. Amazing how quickly the hall collects 'things' so now I gather things whenever I go through it to get to stairs!

Less stuff
More storage
Cleans as she goes
Kids n dh follow cleaning rules also
No pets
Prioritises cleaning
More time

Yep this was my mum too.

My house is not tidy, certainly not spotless. But it's ok. We put away as we go. Put dishes away straight from dishwasher. Don't most people do that?
Each night when the dc were little they put their toys away. The putting away was just part of the playing process. Why don't yours?
We didn't have piles of drawings. What's the point of keeping them all? Save anything precious or important and recycle the rest.

Why is your sink always full of dishes?

Wash
Dry
Put away

Washing them and 'leaving them to dry' is lazy IMO. Not to mention it leaves everything with water stains.

My inlaws are very tidy, it's horrible to live in. They will take your tea away from you before you finished, wipe under the glass (even though it's on a coaster) as you lift it up to sip, will make you stand up when sitting on the sofa to plump cushions and clean around you. We once watched the football at their house, they provided crisps in a bowl and my mother in law got the handheld vacuum and vacuumed us all down on the sofa during the match.