If I was ever autistic…. I outgrew it

[Finlandia86]

So to start off, let me say that I am far from ignorant about Autism, I have studied it at length and I know it is a condition present from birth / very early childhood and is not something you can outgrow.

Having learned a lot about Autism, including its presentation in girls, I look back on my childhood and see that I had a whole load of traits, including:

• Difficulty distinguishing fantasy from reality, especially as a young child
• Long running obsessions as a tween and teen (characters in books and TV shows mainly, to the point where it would interfere with my life and I would secretly pretend I was them…see above)
• Fixations on certain people in real life (usually teachers).
• Social difficulties - being thought of as aloof and stand-offish when actually I was shy and didn’t know how to ‘be’.
• Avoided showering (couldn’t be bothered and didn’t see the point).
• Sensory seeking (chewing stuff all the time, humming all the time, tendency to jiggle/rock in my seat)
• Difficulty with eye contact (shyness and low self esteem)
• Difficulty organising myself and terrible procrastination, until hyperfocus kicked in (after days of tears)
• Black and white thinking about right and wrong / good and bad, and giving myself an extremely hard time because of this.
• Lots of examples of supremely cringy behaviour, because I didn’t understand how I would look to other people.

If I was a teen today, pretty sure I’d get a diagnosis.

But… at nearly 40 years of age … I have grown out of all of it.

Okay, not quite all. I am still a terrible pen chewer and procrastinator (although my hyperfocus superpower seems to have left me). But the rigid fixations and the social awkwardness… gone. Gradually, it has to be said. It took until I was about 26 to truly grow into myself and find my social confidence, and it was around then that I stopped fixating on both real and fictional people, which I think had a lot to do with finally developing some self-esteem. You’ll be pleased to know that I now shower daily.

I’m not sure where I’m going with this, as I imagine a lot of people will think I am trying to invalidate their diagnoses or those of their children… I’m not. But I guess I am wondering whether we can be a bit quick to diagnose ‘low support needs’ / Aspergers type autism, when actually it’s just a case of ‘quirky child’ / ‘immature teen’.

Or, I guess a different takeaway could be one of hope: that as a probably autistic person I have learned to navigate and overcome many of life’s difficulties by middle adulthood.

I suppose my question is whether anyone else can identify with my experience, and if anyone has any interesting thoughts about it.

Spectrum Women-Walking to THE BEAT of Autism

I totally agree, my young adult daughter has suspected ADHD but doesn’t want a Diana’s she feels she manages really well in the life style she is happy with. Only when it became clear she was likely ADHD I started thinking about my own life and I really struggled emotionally when I was young. I went on to be a very sociably at school, all my teachers loved my outgoing personality but I just couldn’t get the grades expected.
left school with rubbish grades dossed in very low skilled jobs then finally got a lucky break.

Now retired early because of a very well paid career and sound investments, looking back I truly think that some neurodivergent conditions are classed far earlier than needs and some of us just take longer to get that mature brain.

I get it OP. Although I can't speak of experience with autism one of my DC has essentially grown out of his ADHD.

Before people come at me even the most conservative of research studies acknowledge that its possible with ADHD and a significant number of kids do.

Perhaps the reason could be due to an improvement in your gut flora?

See research on fecal bacterial transplants and reduction in autistic symptoms in children eg.

See here

I dont think you understand the term masking. If someone is telling you they feel they have outgrown traits that use to consume them, then that gives an indication of readiness to do those things that once would bother them. If someone is masking they do not have a genuine readiness to act, they go thru the motions. Hence the term mask. Listen to what someone is telling you they know themselves better then you do. I'm not endorsing the post, I don't know for sure if op had autism or not to be able to make such claims but you can't accuse everyone who is happy of masking. It just simply doesn't mean what you and many others say about it.

That's actually what out consultant said regarding ADHD.

What you describe sounds like so many children - definitely me at school.

I'd have called those behaviours absolutely normal in children.

But any mention of ''outgrowing Autism'' - oh my word...definitely put yer flak jacket on.

The evidence suggests they’re much less likely to than NT people

In fact I'm saying that artistic people do grow up to be happy and healthy.

This is so interesting- thanks for replying, we do sound a lot alike, and yes - my mum was very anxious too. She was very caught up in her own emotions and needing to do certain things perfectly according to her own criteria - which mystified me at times.

We have a lot of autism in my family, and I've never really understood the 'you have it or you don't' argument. It's not like covid. I have kids. One is diagnosed and the other is not. They both have traits (as do both their parents and much of their extended family) - it's just one meets the threshold for diagnosis and the other does not - but someone who is just under the threshold and someone who is just over the threshold aren't going to be that different really...it's based on a series of tests and an agreed level of what stops being quirky and becomes diagnosis.

You just grew up. As a parent of an autistic 9yo who hates his diagnosis, I can truthfully say that people with autism would love nothing more than to grow out of it. Unfortunately that doesn’t happen, so I do doubt whether you actually were autistic at all.

Everyone masks to some extent. Are you the same person at work as you are around your friends/family? It’s a normal part of human behaviour, adapting to the situation around you. I don’t know a single person who doesn’t find socialising quite draining at time because of this - even my very extroverted friends need a break from it every now and then.

What you describe that you're grown out of is fairly normal human behaviour. Not autism.

It really is time that the umbrella was broken up into clearer categories. I feel so sorry for parents of severely autistic children whose children are lumped in with the 'neurospicy' crew. It is really unjust.

And don't anyone dare say I don't know any autistic people. I know plenty. My own family is extremely ND.

I agree with all that of this.

Yeah I was going to say this. You've probably just learned how you "should" behave, and it feels normal to you now because you've been doing it for such a long time.

How on earth can you say you can't grow out of autism? We don't know enough about it

I don’t think you grow out of it. You just learn how to manage situations and you have the freedom as an adult not to engage with problematic stuff.

My youngest DD would have vomited as a child had she tried the foods she now eats. She used to get a physical reaction to smells. What she can now enjoy, ignore goes beyond masking. My middle DD notices texture less. Both are approaching 30.
I was reading about how getting the ovaries removed actually changes our brains. The research happening now has only come about because of the transitioning of children. There's some research around hormones. I just wonder whether our brains are constantly changing, especially women's. The use of some drugs takes away some autistic traits, or rather can make someone more sociable etc. Who is to say that a changing/aging brain isn't doing the same?

I have been interested in this for a long time. I am the same age as you @Finlandia86 and because I wasn't getting A's at school my mum insisted I was dyslexic and got me tested etc. Big surprise I am not, though I had issues with spatial awareness and short-term memory issiues. I am just not an A grade student, and I had severe anxiety.

My Mum then got "diagnosed", but the report doesn't say she is dyslexic it says she has some difficulties with learning. The fact is that she just doesn't have the high level of intelligence she thinks she does. Looking back now, it was all her projections about her own insecurities that formed her opinion that there was something wrong with me that I couldn't get high marks at school.

The amount of people who tell me that am ND, because some of the things I do reflects what their kids or they do is very frustrating. I know a woman who is a high-functioning autistic and we are very different. She really struggles with society. She gets fired and let go from every job, even though she is a lovely person she is very difficult to have a conversation because she can't read social cues and she is very isolated when there are multiple people talking but is an extrovert.

The phrase that is a read flag to me at the moment is "I am waiting to get diagnosed". That isn't how it works, you are waiting to be assessed, Diagnosis only comes after an assessment.

My boys, now young men, are on the moderate to severe part of the spectrum with numerous comorbidities and their precise presentations have changed constantly as they have grown up.

Yeah I was going to say this. You've probably just learned how you "should" behave, and it feels normal to you now because you've been doing it for such a long time

^

Ok, so in this case what value does the label/diagnosis of autistic add?

It's like saying I could be anorexic, but I manage to keep my weight healthy.

Surely this applies to tons of facet of our lives? I could be a gambler, but I manage not to?? Etc

I can sort of relate to this. And certainly most of my friends growing up would qualify for a diagnosis now - but I grew up in another country, and our school environment was very relaxed and friendly and non-authoritarian and not overcrowded / under-resourced. There was no uniform and we were never, ever shouted at by teachers. There wasn’t a problem with bullying. This was also before social media / internet.

I think current educational practices + internet + social media are a total disaster for quirky / nerdy / highly sensitive / highly strung / absent-minded / obsessive / ND with low support needs / whatever kids. It is much harder to get on and find your way and get done what needs doing these days.