Teenage food

[MoreCoffee52]

Im trying to loose a lot of Weight. Im Half Way. Lost 16 kiloes since Christmas 🥳
But I have 16 to go. I'm alone with teenage daughter and she is not impressed with the daily menue - I eat a lot of vegetables, as in oven baked red beets, carrots, onion, haricot verte, peas, whatever greens. Steak or grilled chicken- and for her, potatoes, feta and bearnaise. (Example but usually varied as this)
She want a lot more pasta. Cream. Cheese.
And I happily buy and point out she is welcome to cook all she wants.
She, on the other hand, think it is my responsibility as a parent to cook for her taste and she is not to be "left to fend for herself ".
Who is wrong? As it is, she eat frozen pizza, chips or pay for take away while feeling very neglected . She is 16.

My kids were cooking for themselves from 13ish. She can have what you are making for yourself or cook for her IMO!

Learning how to cook is also an important skill. Help her learn if it makes you feel better.

I am tied on this. Yes she should be able to cook but I was a teenager who had to "fend for herself". It is kind of depressing and lonely. It is much nicer to eat and talk together.
Could you cook together and spend some time together

I spent some time teaching mine to cook.

Sold it as a valuable life skill.

My teen DC do cook for themselves at times and have done for a while

But yes as they regularly point out I am their mum and they'd like me to cook for them too

My DD has a friend who never ever cooks for her and DD, her friends and us the parents all see this as sad and neglectful

Under no circumstance will she join me cooking. At all. Parental responsibility she say

My DD has a friend whos MUM never ever cooks for her

DD, her friends and us the parents all see this as sad and neglectful

Mine had to cook for themselves out of necessity because I'd come home late from work

They had no choice

She doesn’t have to fend for herself, she could eat the healthy food that you eat. But she chooses not to, so she can sort herself out!

You sound very reasonable. You’re providing excellent meals and allowing her to cook. I vote you stick to your guns.
Mine are 14 - they can plan, by ingredients for and cook for the family and bake a cake too, they frequently fend for themselves or do dinner for us all when we’re home late or I can’t be arsed to cook. They were probably cooking decent full meals when they were 12

Sounds like she needs to grow up then and start learning to cook.

Shes 16 not 6. In 2 years she will be an adult.

Just cook a load of pasta and put them in tubs in the fridge so she can warm them up with whatever sauce she wants

I'd do this for DD

DD always cooks pasta for herself

She loves it

And will make it at whatever time she's hungry

Mine have no interest in actual cooking but are happy to be kitchenhands. Well they've never had a choice or known different since they were young. They'll cook themselves pesto pasta or similar!

Today's dinner was oven baked potatoes, red beets, carrots. Grilled chicken breast. Feta and bearnaise. And a mixed green salad.
She is not having any. Won't even try.
I told her I would help her cook anything else she wanted but no. I have to do it, not her. She won't help me. She want me to make something she like as spaghetti carbonara or pay for mc Donald.
Is my dinner really so awful ?? I don't want to eat pasta, cream or cheese, I really need to lose the last 16 kiloes..

Did she grow up with similar food or is it a sudden change to what she is used to?

Your "parental responsbility" is to provide her with healthy, nutritious food. Hers is to eat it, or make her own. You could batch cook some pasta once in a while.

It's not hard for her to add grated cheese or cream to any food you make.

She is being unreasonable. There’s your dinner, there’s the fridge and count yourself lucky there are three choices is what I would say!

Lmao at 'parental responsibility' - hilarious! You're providing food. Sounds like nice food tbh.

Does she think part of being a parent is being a personal chef all their lives? Remind her of this if she has picky kids of her own in future 😂

Since Christmas. So not new. We have 50 steps to nearest supermarket and she can buy if she need anything. No problem.

Could you maybe meet in the middle? So either a few nights a week she cooks for herself and a few nights a week you cook for her?

Or a few nights a week do something that you have both agreed on but that still fits into your diet plan?

Or maybe two versions of the same kind of meal that suits you both? I know it's a pain but in my family we have one vegetarian, two meat lovers and one with a milk allergy so often make different meals. Eg tonight the meat lovers have lamb wraps with a bit of cheese, without cheese for the one with allergy and the vegetarian a bean wrap. Something like that maybe?

Why are you even allowing her to speak to you like that and not shutting her down with her bratty demands? It’s no wonder teens are so badly behaved when even their own parents let them act like this.

Thank you. I was beginning to think I was in the wrong. I will continue to make my healthy - and actually really tasty! - dinners and continue to offer her to both join in, and for her to make her own. But i really feel that I don't want to make different dinner for her, she is welcome to to herself.

Was the food she grew up with different? If so, I'd still cook her favourites at least once a week, and eat them with her as a family. I would expect some help with meal prep though.

She's acting spoilt, no doubt about it, but... I can sort of see her point, in a way.

Notice all the hedges - I'm not saying she's 100% right. But I don't think you are either.

Since Christmas does seem quite new, in my opinion. I don't know what your setup was before in terms of her responsibilities, chores, level of self-sufficiency, etc. But if she's lived with you cooking for her every single day for 15 and a half years and then you've suddenly told her she can't have her favourite meals any more or that she needs to make them herself, of course she's going to feel like that's unfair.

Someone once told me that teenagers' brains are basically the same as toddlers' brains: of course she's not going to see any of the counterarguments or understand that she needs to learn the skills for herself. She only sees injustice!

Could you compromise with her sometimes - e.g. rather than making what you want and then adding cheese/cream for her, make what she wants and then remove/substitute things to make it healthier for you? Not all the time, obviously. But appearing willing to compromise might make it easier to have the long term chats about learning to cook for herself.

My mum would cook one meal a day for the family and we would have to fend for ourself for the other meal - could try thar approach