Teenage food

[MoreCoffee52]

Im trying to loose a lot of Weight. Im Half Way. Lost 16 kiloes since Christmas 🥳
But I have 16 to go. I'm alone with teenage daughter and she is not impressed with the daily menue - I eat a lot of vegetables, as in oven baked red beets, carrots, onion, haricot verte, peas, whatever greens. Steak or grilled chicken- and for her, potatoes, feta and bearnaise. (Example but usually varied as this)
She want a lot more pasta. Cream. Cheese.
And I happily buy and point out she is welcome to cook all she wants.
She, on the other hand, think it is my responsibility as a parent to cook for her taste and she is not to be "left to fend for herself ".
Who is wrong? As it is, she eat frozen pizza, chips or pay for take away while feeling very neglected . She is 16.

I used to prepare family meals from about 13; DM was working.
if she doesn't want what you're preparing she can go hungry or learn to cook.

Ah that’s an important detail. In that case yanbu.

Yeah at 16 if they don't want to eat what you are cooking then they can cook themselves. She's not 'being left to feed for herself' at all ffs.. she has the option to eat what's being cooked for her.. or she has the option to cook something with other food you have bought her.. she is chosing not to do either of those things and instead cook frozen pizzas and or order takeaway.
Sorry but I don't even cook my primary aged kids meals I'm not eating myself. Unless she is ASD or has some serious food issue then you are well within your rights to say she needs to cook her own food if she doesn't like the things you cook. You aren't a restaurant. And even if you were you'd only have what was on the menu!
I don't get people who wait on their teenagers hand and foot. What's she gonna do when she leaves home? Craziness.

It's not great that she has gotten to 16 years old and can't look after herself or others. You are pretty much leaving her to fend for herself now without having given her the skills or knowledge to be able to do so. That is what people are criticising.

You're cooking healthy balanced meals and if she doesn't want to eat that, at 16 she can cook something herself! You're not her servant or her personal chef! Can you buy a few pasta ready meals and stick them in the fridge for her to microwave as a compromise? Tesco Finest have a few nice ones!

She sounds really bratty. I bet she wants other perks of being 'grown up', like staying out late, having a phone, setting her own bedtime etc. Not your fault of course OP, you sound like you're doing great. Well done on your weight loss so far!

OP why are you not addressing the fact you’re allowing your 16 year old to act like an entitled brat? In 2 years she will be an adult yet doesn’t know how to cook a basic meal…..

I am? That is why i am here?

Then you need to be harsh but firm. Sorry there’s no easy answer but she just needs to learn how to be independent and that includes cooking, cleaning, washing, gardening etc, to be honest she should have been learning these basic things by age 13

Give her two choices

Eat what you cook for her, or she cooks for herself 🤷‍♀️

It's that simple. It was that simple when I was growing up, it was that simple when my 3 DS were growing up and it's that simple now.

She can read so she Can cook.

But she want to live off pizza, burger, pasta. And snacks. She say "we have no food" and with that, she mean - we only have ingrediens to make food 😂 but actually i always have frozen pizza, lasagne, etc in the freezer.

I have always invited her to cook with me and suggested she could make dinner just once a week. But people are right - i have spoiled her. And she is the master of strategic incompetence so usually i have made for her.

But i am fed up making 2 kinds of dinner. And i want her to learn. Because it is fair that she do. I Think.

As others said can you do it a few days a week? A carbonara by your mum and sitting chatting to your mum will always beat one you do yourself at that age and it would beat a McDonald’s (even for a teen). Since Christmas means she’s had 15 and a half years of certain foods and now it’s all been changed. (I’ll be honest a carbonara would sound a lot nicer to me than your dinner today but I get a lot would love it and you want to lose weight. Sorry!!)

And yes it is new, since Christmas. So 6 months. I was weighing 30 kilos too Much - they dont appear out of nowhere - we had a lot of take away, pasta etc.
So yes, i changed. But she Can add her bearnaise/any sauce, feta, chips - and as i Said, we have a lot of ingrediens if she want something added or different meal.
She never wanted to learn. And she wont do anything else around the House, besides her own room.
Thank you all for your replies, they are all appreciated

I think this is where I would feel guilty to be honest, because you've previously cooked and enjoyed this food and now you've completely switched to something completely different.

I don't really agree that just because the designated cook is on a diet, that everyone else should be too, yes she can make and buy her own food, of course she can, but if you've never taught her to cook, or practiced particularly good food habits yourself, and you've always made what she likes until December, I can see why she sees it as unfair that you don't do it anymore.

Definitely time for her to step up in the kitchen somewhat, and to be less fussy, but you expecting her to just want to eat your food now that you've decided you want to is quite unrealistic.

Can't you do a trade off of chores, get her to step up in other areas (laundry, gardening, dog walking etc) and you'll cook more of what she wants too? She's old enough now to not expect something for nothing surely.

I make "her" meals 3 times a week.
The other days i make steak, roast and chicken breast, with different ovenbaked vegetables, potatoes and green salad. So i do make her the food she like, several times every week.

A bit off the topic but I'm impressed with your weight loss. Congratulations!
I'm interested in your diet. How do you cook red beets? Thanks

Thank you 🌺
I peel them, cut them in quarters and into the oven with a bit of oil and salt. Same with carrots, onions, etc.

I’m always on a diet of some kind. My kids like creamy pasta too, I do cook for them (daughter often cooks her own food, she’s 16). Yes she can cook her own food but I’d personally do two dinners, probably batch cook for myself for a few days and make her what she likes. I don’t make my kids change their diet when I’m dieting, I don’t think that’s fair

I'm not dieting. I just changed what I eat, so I eat more healthily and i plan to keep doing this. I really think I make "normal" food, and I am not restricted- I eat cake at a birthday, glass of wine with a friend etc. I just eat a lot more vegetables and not as much pasta etc

Tonight we will have grilled chicken breast, oven baked potatoes (hers) and vegetables as mentioned. She can add her sauce and feta. Salad on the side.

Tomorrow lasagna - i still eat the vegetables with that. Leftover lasagna the day after.

Friday roast with vegetables etc.

I really think she is way to old for me to make different dinner for her - as mentioned several times she is soon adult and she can cook. She just don't want to

Have you ever taught her to cook properly or have you always provided all the food for her?

I do get your argument that she's sixteen and capable of fending for herself but it sounds like you changed a lot of things around food and meals all at once, which could be a bit disconcerting for her.

It sounds like you're accommodating her as much as it would really be possible to do without completely sacrificing your own well being. And she is being rude as fuck about it.

If the question is should you let her eat pizza, chips, and takeaway when there's nothing you've made that night that she's willing to eat then I'd say you might as well; if she's refusing all of the lean meat and vegetables and wanting to live on pasta, cheese, and cream then she doesn't really have a healthful diet either way. The only other thing you might reasonably do is make extra of the things she likes when you do make them so she can have the leftovers on the days when there's nothing she likes - but honestly, it sounds like she's resisting every compromise you try to make and holding out for you to do exactly what she tells you to do even though it's not the best thing for her either.

It's your parental responsibility to encourage and help her to learn to cook for herself.

But i would be trying to find a quiet moment to ask her what this is really about. Sounds like a reach but i wonder if subconsciously she's worried that not cooking these things means you don't love her any more. Or worried about?or threatened by) your weight loss.
If she is that still doesn't mean you have to cook those things for her without her input.

It has been 6 months - and as explained, we have frozen pizza, chips, nuggets usually also lasagna and ready pasta meals in freezer. But she still think it is my responsibility to make it.
I have always encouraged her to cook with me. She always refuse. She make a lot of cakes, cookies, pancakes so she knows how to mix ingredients.
But a lot of people here think I should still make her a different dinner..

I don't think it's about her ability to cook, it's the fact that you changed everything with meals almost overnight.

As PP said, people can have funny relationships with food and often equate it to love.

She know I love her. All the evenings she is home with no plans, we spend together. I always have time for her.
And I have asked her - she just don't want to do it and believe it is a "mom job".
I don't talk much about my weight or dieting as i don't diet. I have just changed what I eat because I want to be healthy. And it has been 6 months.. so not new.