Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Childs party - no rsvp, aibu?

76 replies

Hamsternautss · 14/07/2024 23:52

So I invited a small number of children to my childs 'party' (it's more of a niche activity) on 14th June via a direct whatsapp to the parent (party is for 28th July). The parent replied finally on 25th June saying sorry for delay, they think their child can come but need to confirm and will let me know.

I heard nothing back so messaged again a week later just sort of chatty saying that's fine (re the delay) and how hectic before summer hols is and just informing it was a small number of kids coming hoping to remind her.

Heard nothing back since and its now 12 days later so on Friday I messaged just asking if she could confirm or not whether her child could come as it's only 9 kids maximum and if her child cant come we'd hope to ask another child. She has left the message unread and obvs not replied to me. I know she needed to check our whole class whatsapp this weekend for details of a class social activity that happened today that her child attended (we couldnt make it) so she's just ignoring me now.

AIBU to just invite another child now instead? Wwyd?

OP posts:
GoneFishingToday · 15/07/2024 00:02

I think I would send a message and tell her that if she doesn't respond by whatever time you think reasonable - maybe give her 24 hours, you will assume that her child isn't coming, and will give the place to someone else. I know it's not fair on her child, but it's HER fault, NOT yours, so don't feel bad about doing it.

Giannetta · 15/07/2024 00:04

Party is a fortnight away, she has already said the child can probably come, and it's only been 2 days since your chase. I know she's not been brilliant but I think disinviting the child would be a massive over-reaction.

Bournetilly · 15/07/2024 00:05

Send her one more message in the morning saying something along the lines of- if you haven’t heard from her by tomorrow you will have to assume her child isn’t coming as you need to confirm the numbers.

She is being very rude, if she is still unsure it isn’t hard to say so.

Original poster
Hamsternautss · 15/07/2024 00:44

Giannetta · 15/07/2024 00:04

Party is a fortnight away, she has already said the child can probably come, and it's only been 2 days since your chase. I know she's not been brilliant but I think disinviting the child would be a massive over-reaction.

I just dont want to rely on a probably can come, there is no wiggle room on the 9 kids + my own that can do this activity so i'm gonna be mega cheesed if I just sit and wait and he cant make it. It just feels like 2 weeks to go decreasing is getting a bit close to the line to invite someone else without it definitely coming across as inviting them as a back up.

OP posts:
JokoKitten · 15/07/2024 01:25

Why don't you phone her?

Daffyyellow · 15/07/2024 01:54

You sent the original invite wayyyy too early. Now you’ve chased you need to leave it a little longer before following up.

HolyJackaMoly · 15/07/2024 02:24

Go for it. Invite another kid but tell her sorry she didn't respond in time so her kid is uninvited

notthefavourite · 15/07/2024 06:34

You have been polite. I'd just say.

"Hi hope you are all okay. I am needing to finalise numbers for X party. Can you let me know by tomorrow if there can make it? If I don't hear back I will assume dc can't attend. Thanks. "

GRex · 15/07/2024 06:41

"Hi, I hope you are well? I still haven't heard back from you about the party and it's a fixed number of 10 kids, so I'll let A know that B can't make it and let him invite someone else. Let's set up a play date for the boys instead in a few weeks. x"

ZenNudist · 15/07/2024 06:45

notthefavourite · 15/07/2024 06:34

You have been polite. I'd just say.

"Hi hope you are all okay. I am needing to finalise numbers for X party. Can you let me know by tomorrow if there can make it? If I don't hear back I will assume dc can't attend. Thanks. "

A vote for this kind of reply

Thumbelinatinylittlething · 15/07/2024 06:47

Hamsternautss · 15/07/2024 00:44

I just dont want to rely on a probably can come, there is no wiggle room on the 9 kids + my own that can do this activity so i'm gonna be mega cheesed if I just sit and wait and he cant make it. It just feels like 2 weeks to go decreasing is getting a bit close to the line to invite someone else without it definitely coming across as inviting them as a back up.

Edited
Show quote history

I'd just be straightforward about it and ring her and say that you need to know please. You can be perfectly nice about it. But you do need to know and that's that.

Suzieandthemonkeyfeet · 15/07/2024 06:49

I’m that mum although I wouldn’t have left you unread on purpose.

I am in a very chaotic period in my life with my business and time runs away with me every day. I forget to message back and kids parties are waaaay down on my priority list.

However I really wouldn’t mind a nudge - maybe give her a quick bell and send a message. She will see the missed call and read the message.

Be honest - ‘ hey can I know by today if little one can come so I can fill the spot if not as we are pushed for spaces’

I really doubt she is ignoring the messages because she is being ignorant most likely overwhelmed.

TeenToTwenties · 15/07/2024 06:52

I'm taking you didn't give a respond by date?

bergamotorange · 15/07/2024 06:57

I'd either accept I had a maybe, or I'd phone/speak to her after school.

I do think parents create a lot of stress for themselves by selecting activities like this for parties with strangers. Law of averages says you will get one 'maybe' and it uses emotional energy dealing with it.

This is an example of how parenting was simpler in the past - people had more basic parties which meant it wouldn't matter if someone didn't show up.

You never know what's causing someone to be non-responsive, it could be a good reason or just bad behaviour.

JumpstartMondays · 15/07/2024 07:00

notthefavourite · 15/07/2024 06:34

You have been polite. I'd just say.

"Hi hope you are all okay. I am needing to finalise numbers for X party. Can you let me know by tomorrow if there can make it? If I don't hear back I will assume dc can't attend. Thanks. "

I'd do this.

MimiSunshine · 15/07/2024 07:13

Daffyyellow · 15/07/2024 01:54

You sent the original invite wayyyy too early. Now you’ve chased you need to leave it a little longer before following up.

Not really. With schools breaking up for summer and activities often needing to be booked in advance for a particular date.

if it’s too far in advance for you to commit your time then you decline at that point and if you (or your child in this scenario) misses out then that’s the choice you make.

MissingKitty · 15/07/2024 07:23

Suzieandthemonkeyfeet · 15/07/2024 06:49

I’m that mum although I wouldn’t have left you unread on purpose.

I am in a very chaotic period in my life with my business and time runs away with me every day. I forget to message back and kids parties are waaaay down on my priority list.

However I really wouldn’t mind a nudge - maybe give her a quick bell and send a message. She will see the missed call and read the message.

Be honest - ‘ hey can I know by today if little one can come so I can fill the spot if not as we are pushed for spaces’

I really doubt she is ignoring the messages because she is being ignorant most likely overwhelmed.

Even if you are overwhelmed it’s still ignorant!

OP I agree with others send a message saying if you don’t no by tomorrow you will assume they can’t come, hopefully it will be the final nudge they need.

Zanatdy · 15/07/2024 07:27

I agree with someone else who said phone her. She will either answer or text you claiming to have not seen the call and then next you know.

Zanatdy · 15/07/2024 07:28

I find it incredibly rude when parents don’t reply. Sorry but no matter how busy someone is it takes seconds to check a calendar and respond. It costs parents money if you don’t reply and it’s too late to invite someone else, and I wouldn’t be inviting your child again, so they miss out as parents can’t be bothered replying to an invite. Very rude

Zanatdy · 15/07/2024 07:29

Suzieandthemonkeyfeet · 15/07/2024 06:49

I’m that mum although I wouldn’t have left you unread on purpose.

I am in a very chaotic period in my life with my business and time runs away with me every day. I forget to message back and kids parties are waaaay down on my priority list.

However I really wouldn’t mind a nudge - maybe give her a quick bell and send a message. She will see the missed call and read the message.

Be honest - ‘ hey can I know by today if little one can come so I can fill the spot if not as we are pushed for spaces’

I really doubt she is ignoring the messages because she is being ignorant most likely overwhelmed.

In the time it took you to browse and reply to posts on mumsnet you could have replied.

Lincoln24 · 15/07/2024 07:31

I think posters are being hard on the mum, if she's anything like me the next 2 months are hugely complex juggling work, holidays and childcare and she might be waiting on other contingencies (whether sibling activities are going ahead that day, whether another parent is available to take this child, whether they are squeezing in a different trip that day). It definitely wouldn't be as simple as just checking the calendar for me! Just send the message above saying you need to know by x day.

CommeUneVacheEspagnole · 15/07/2024 07:32

TeenToTwenties · 15/07/2024 06:52

I'm taking you didn't give a respond by date?

It doesn't matter if you do nowadays. People never respond. Drives me mad!

Suzieandthemonkeyfeet · 15/07/2024 07:33

Zanatdy · 15/07/2024 07:29

In the time it took you to browse and reply to posts on mumsnet you could have replied.

Show quote history

No one is waiting for a party RSVP 😊

and I’m not the OP 😂

mitogoshi · 15/07/2024 07:37

Firstly asking 6 weeks ahead is tricky as things come up, important things and people don't like you cancelling, a school friends party isn't going to be a priority. Also people are juggling contact schedules and can't always speak for the other parent. I leave messages unread until i have time to deal with them, quite normal

TeenToTwenties · 15/07/2024 07:38

CommeUneVacheEspagnole · 15/07/2024 07:32

It doesn't matter if you do nowadays. People never respond. Drives me mad!

Show quote history

However, by giving an RSVP date, it gives you 'permission' to chase for an answer and/or send a message saying 'since you haven't replied I am assuming no and will be asking someone else tomorrow'.