Childs party - no rsvp, aibu?

[Hamsternautss]

So I invited a small number of children to my childs 'party' (it's more of a niche activity) on 14th June via a direct whatsapp to the parent (party is for 28th July). The parent replied finally on 25th June saying sorry for delay, they think their child can come but need to confirm and will let me know.

I heard nothing back so messaged again a week later just sort of chatty saying that's fine (re the delay) and how hectic before summer hols is and just informing it was a small number of kids coming hoping to remind her.

Heard nothing back since and its now 12 days later so on Friday I messaged just asking if she could confirm or not whether her child could come as it's only 9 kids maximum and if her child cant come we'd hope to ask another child. She has left the message unread and obvs not replied to me. I know she needed to check our whole class whatsapp this weekend for details of a class social activity that happened today that her child attended (we couldnt make it) so she's just ignoring me now.

AIBU to just invite another child now instead? Wwyd?

So weird. She's missed the WhatsApp. Perfectly normal to give her a ring and chase her up to make it clear you need final.numbers. And much less confrontational as whatapp can often be misconstruted. Its just a party! Some people have lost their way re real life contact.

Maybe she has multiple kids and needs to check if someone is available to take one to their Saturday activity so that she can bring her kid to the party? Maybe she works Sundays and her ex has the kids then and he gets shirty with her if she arranges parties on his day without asking, but he also is shit at replying to her messages (all real life examples as to why I don’t always RSVP straight away as I have 4 kids, a 60 hr week shift work job and a shite ex husband). Not everyone is trying to be a dick by not saying yes or no straight away

It's not too early at all, all kids are ridiculously busy at the end of the school year - end of year club parties, school events and that's not even adding family gatherings, or early holidays.

Some people are just rude, she's probably waiting for a better offer.

Best not to be entitled and make people have to follow your timetable especially when she's doing you the favour. Just say no if you can't give a reply in a decent time that doesn't inconvenience the person. It's really simple. No need for excuses. If you can't give an answer in a reasonable and polite time, just say no. Yes that might mean your child isn't invited to parties but that's life.

Or alternatively give an explanation re the delay and let her decide. That's also good manners. Silence is not

Disagree completely, especially for a summer birthday. People book up quickly over the summer with holidays, weddings, bbqs etc - so a large amount of notice is reasonable, even just to establish they are already booked up with something else so you have time to adjust numbers.

I run my own business with staff and can manage. Not sure why that makes it impossible to reply to an invitation. Because of time pressures I make sure it's all dealt with as soon as an invitation/whatever is received. Yes or No, put it in the diary and RSVP. Couple of minutes and I don't have to think about it again.

Unless a catastrophe then arises it is set in stone. Anything else comes up? Sorry, already busy.

But I am the sort of person who has already put everything school related that is available in the calendar for the next 12 months.

I'd just send a message saying you needed to confirm numbers so unfortunately he can't attend. And then just invite someone else.

You could be generous and give her a last opportunity if you're inclined to do so, but the danger is she will just say yes and then not turn up.

perhaps you should then. For the sake of your poor deprioritised children

She probably just doesn't know yet, loads going on this time of year. Next time give a date for when you need to know by so you can give the venue final numbers. It sounds like you've been hassling her a bit and some people respond really badly to that. She's maybe more of a go with the flow person or maybe has a lot going on that you don't know about and just can't commit yet and your son's party is maybe not her top priority right now.

Jeez I hate flakey people like the mum you’re having problems with. I like to be organised and know what’s happening especially when I’ve paid for the places!

Really?
Personally I think someone ignoring messages and not responding = not coming to the party.
Its rude.
I'd message and say actually- as you haven't responded Ill take it as child isn't coming and we've gone ahead and filled the place.

It sounds like you've been hassling her a bit and some people respond really badly to that.
Then those people are immensely rude and don't deserve invites. Someone hosting a party deserves a clear yes or no. If you can't summon the ability to figure it out, then just do them a favour and say no. That leaves you missing out instead of creating hassle for others who were kind enough to offer you an invite.

This really puts me off trying to organise a party in the future (and yes I’m one of the mums that takes a minute to look in my calendar that evening and replies the same day!)

I'd love to send a message like
"Oi - lazy arse - I kindly sent an invite to my child's party on X date and I know you've read it. Either tell me your child can make it or accept that you can't. Whatever the response I need it be X time tomorrow to confirm numbers with the venue"

But I'd probably send something like what @notthefavourite has suggested.

I also don't think it's remotely weird or unusual to send out invites so far in advance, what with end of school year/holiday plans needing to be made. Having read another thread on MN recently where a child was invited to two parties and wanted to go to the second but had accepted the first, the consensus was to go to the first as they had accepted it. Surely if the Mum in this place wanted options, then she has handled it fine up to now but really does have to bite the bullet at this point and make a decision as to what her son is doing.

Her silence is your answer, surely?

I hate people this. Its holding the invite as a back up in case something better comes along.

You are either free or you arent.

She probably just doesn't know yet, loads going on this time of year.

How can you "not know"? Either you have another plan or you do not. Its rude to avoid replying because you are waiting to see if something better comes up.

I’d send one final message to say “Sorry to chase again but I really do need to know by the end of day if X can come. If I don’t hear from you, I’ll assume X can’t come and will invite another child instead”.

The party is clearly not a priority for them so I’d not have any qualms about withdrawing the invite while they keep you hanging.

She’s BU not to just answer you either way, I hate when people don’t RSVP. But YABU as well for sending the invites out so early! The standard seems to be 2-3 weeks, sometimes you receive invites as little as 10 days before.

But again you have loads of time to be on Mumsnet, not just at 10.30pm as you previously claimed. No one is so busy that they can’t send a reply. No one. We can all list our tasks for any given day, ages of relatives included. Btw, I work full time, help my husband with his business and I have kids. Granny is dead though.

I'd reply saying she's obviously not coming so you're going to invite someone else.

Uninvite the rude B

I can’t stand when people are flaky about stuff like this. It’s rude, surely she understands how much of a hassle this is and the complete waste of money if her child is booked in and doesn’t attend? You also run the risk of making any child invited in their place seem like an afterthought if you leave it too long. Text the parent
‘Hi, can you please let me know if Susie is coming to Jenny’s birthday party? I’d like to be able to invite another child if she can’t make it. If I don’t hear from you by the end of tomorrow I’ll assume she can’t make it, thanks’

Id just invite another kid. In a similar situation myself sent some invites out at the end of term and one person hasnt replied. It’s something I need to book in advance. I find it so rude just to simply not reply r the regardless of how busy. Plus my kids are always so excited to be invited they go on and on. DC is disappointed but don’t know the other parent so nothing else I can do!

PHONE HER!

PHONE HER