Childs party - no rsvp, aibu?

[Hamsternautss]

So I invited a small number of children to my childs 'party' (it's more of a niche activity) on 14th June via a direct whatsapp to the parent (party is for 28th July). The parent replied finally on 25th June saying sorry for delay, they think their child can come but need to confirm and will let me know.

I heard nothing back so messaged again a week later just sort of chatty saying that's fine (re the delay) and how hectic before summer hols is and just informing it was a small number of kids coming hoping to remind her.

Heard nothing back since and its now 12 days later so on Friday I messaged just asking if she could confirm or not whether her child could come as it's only 9 kids maximum and if her child cant come we'd hope to ask another child. She has left the message unread and obvs not replied to me. I know she needed to check our whole class whatsapp this weekend for details of a class social activity that happened today that her child attended (we couldnt make it) so she's just ignoring me now.

AIBU to just invite another child now instead? Wwyd?

You need a commitment she's not prepared to give, for whatever reason.

Invite another child, then tell original invitee that they can't come because they didn't confirm even after multiple requests.

I get that some people aren't planners, some wait for a better offer and some have no idea how costly and how far in advance some of these events need to be fixed. For all of those: tough, your kid can't come. But also: get a grip and reply to these invitations, either with a no so the organiser can invite another or book or whatever, or a firm yes that you keep to. You are doing your child no favours here, they are missing out and it's on you. (unless the child is leading the dithering in which case they need to learn)

I know you’re not. You said you’re that mum as your life is so busy so I’m pointing out that it’s not that busy that you can’t do other things like browse the web. I think some parents are just oblivious to the stress it causes when they don’t reply and fact they cost parents money. I don’t get why you can’t take 2 mins out on an evening to reply to invites, when you get them. Why should they be bottom of the priority when someone has invited your child at cost to them to a party. It’s basic manners

This is totally what I am wondering. Or nip round and ask in person (crazy, I know, such a last-century idea, sorry!)?

Well for a start if some one messaged me when I’m in work and at 10:30pm and I finally get to relax and browse the internet - little Timmys party has long gone exited my brain space.

Kids parties ARE at the bottom of my priority list as paying my bills, paying staff bills, sorting out my tax returns, sorting out my on line advertising, sorting out clients, sorting my house out, sorting my kids out, sorting my 93 year old granny out - all come first.

I’d fucking LOVE to be a stay at home mum - I’d even join the PTA - but finances won’t allow that.

I am so overwhelmed and burnt out - so kids parties are not on my radar. Maybe the other mum is struggling a little bit too

your child's social life is way down your priority list? really? REALLY? Do you have a partner, the child's parent who could help?

Because you are really doing your child no favours. Prioritise better. All you have to do is reply "yes" and put it in your calendar.

I'd send a message saying, "hi if I don't hear from you by x, unfortunately I'll have to give x's place to another child. I look forward to hearing from you." That way she knows if she continues to ignore you, the place is gone by a certain date.

Everybody is busy, we all have multiple things going on in our lives, including I should imagine the OP who is having to waste time chasing this inconsiderate woman.

In theory, absolutely. In practice, those kids turn up anyway. Then you have too many kids and too few places.

I understand that but it would still be an overreaction to her having not replied in 2 days. As everyone else is saying, just message or phone her and say can you confirm by end of Weds and if I don't hear back I'll assume it's a no.

@Suzieandthemonkeyfeet - really? After being chased three times (plus the original invite) you are so overwhelmed you can't respond? Are you having to do your tax returns daily? Pay bills? I think you need a better system!
OP kids parties and getting rsvps are notoriously tricky. More than once I've emptied my child's book bag at end of term to find a crumpled up invite at the bottom long past the date (no WhatsApp groups then). Say to this person (and any future invitees) 'numbers need confirmation by X date, if I don't hear back I'll assume it's a no'. Remind (once) 24 hours before that date if you haven't heard, then accept it is a no.
I find it no issue putting a party in the calendar- I'm not sure what all these 'other plans' that people are waiting on - this is one. Say yes or no. If the afternoon is free and nothing in the diary it's a yes. If there's a possibility that another event is happening, or some doubt about one's whereabouts that weekend, say no. Don't leave a parent hanging on if ands or buts. Decide. Done. If that other event doesn't come off, too bad.

A very rude parent, a lesson for next time is to put on the invite The venue requires confirmation of attendance by 10th May, please therefore rsvp by 6th May ..

Slap it all on a group WhatsApp of those invited, anyone not replying in time remove from the group with a friendly little message of X / Y / Z I've not heard back from you guys, I'm assuming you can't make it, I'll take you off the group tomorrow so you don't get spammed with party arrangements.

just call her and ask

I’ve not been asked three times 😂😂 I’m not the OP!

But I do understand that people can get overwhelmed and not respond to messages.

When you run your own business with staff come back and we’ll have a chat about how consuming it is.. 😉

Phone her

This!

But OMG don't phone her to ask. Madness. If you messaged and she's not answered, what makes these posters think she'd answer a phone call? Then do you leave a message? Keep phoning? Madness. Just send the message above but don't phone!!!!

It's really hard to plan children's parties due to parental flakiness.

Be prepared that others who accepted the invitation just won't show on the day OP!

I would message back "I'm sorry but due to lack of reply,I'm going to have to take your answer as a no. It's not fair and it's leaving it very late to invite another child in their place".

I’m a single mum with loads of responsibilities but I still responded to party invites as I know how bloody annoying it is when people don’t. I set myself reminders to do things like that. I get it’s not top of peoples radar, as that’s why it features on here a lot as mums get so frustrated at those mums who don’t reply, when it’s a 2 min job. Then they complain when their child isn’t invited again

But OMG don't phone her to ask. Madness

Why is it madness? You need to secure numbers. She's not responded to messages.
What's with these folk that are averse to lifting a phone and calling ?

Can your child not just ask their friend if they’re coming or not?
otherwise ask the mum at school gates or if you can’t do pick up then ask another mum friend to ask her what she’s doing.

When you run your own business with staff come back and we’ll have a chat about how consuming it is..

oh see if you can come back and be more patronising - please do.

You have said that your kids lives are not a priority for you. You do not have the moral high ground here.

In this day and age, calling isn't really a thing. Not saying I agree with it, but it's like rocking up at someone's door without prior warning. Used to be fine, now not so much 🤷🏻‍♀️

Everyone has busy lives. Not everyone has manners. Just reply to a very kind invitation. Party invitations are not a right but an honour and should be treated as such and if you know you are going to be a hopeless faffer decline the invitation from the start.

Just say no then and don't inconvenience other people.

Rubbish