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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed they didn't bring a bday present

52 replies

zebrasarecool · 13/07/2024 23:32

For dd10's bday she had a sleepover, i took her and 2 friends to a very pricey event and then we had dinner & the sleepover.

One of the friends parents are close with dh, they turned up with no present. Or even card, or even acknowledgement of the lack of one.

Bearing in mind it was only 3 girls all in all it was glaringly obvious.

This tbh is very typical of these parents. They never pay for their child on playdates or ever return the playdate favour.

Dd isnt at all bratty and didnt even say anything about the lack of present, it was just more me feeling sorry for her as she could only invite 2 friends.

Bottom line (imo) is they're only kids, you expect a birthday present, and it's just really bad manners!!

These parents could absolutely afford a present so it feels very much like a choice.

Aibu to be annoyed by this?

OP posts:
Ohthatsjustalotofeffort · 13/07/2024 23:39

Yeah that’s not good- if they didn’t have money fair enough, but if they do it feels mean to your daughter and user behaviour. Like your just childcare . I understand that you invited her and she didn’t ask to come but it’s bad form.

I get 10 cards for £1 from card factory and the works so really cheap gifts- like notepad and pen £2. Which I have had to get when I haven’t had any money. Some parties I’ve pulled out or made excuses if I couldn’t afford the present (especially if there’s 3 kids who have a joint party type thing). But if this isn’t the case then it’s not great.

HcbSS · 13/07/2024 23:39

Have to agree OP. It’s not about the money - kids enjoy choosing a present for their friends/teachers and giving them. Even if it’s something worth £5 or some sweets, they love handing it over. Or making a card (covering it in glitter/ paints etc). I do get kids attend a lot of parties but yours sounds special.

Your daughter sounds lovely and mature btw not ‘expecting’ a present.

Sometimeswinning · 14/07/2024 00:03

Yes it’s low but it’s their child who has to suffer. It says a lot that your child didn’t mention it but you have to.

At worst I’d be slightly put out. At best did your dd have a lovely birthday? If she did then I’d shrug it off and concentrate on that.

Hadjab · 14/07/2024 00:11

I have three kids. I’ve never expected a present, just the attendance of the child that has been invited.

SwanRivers · 14/07/2024 00:13

Did they definitely know the sleepover was for her birthday?

I remember doing a similar thing for my DS and when one of the dads came to pick his son up, he saw the birthday cards/balloons in the living room and was absolutely mortified! 🤣

He insisted on opening his wallet and giving my DS some cash there and then!

Moonshine5 · 14/07/2024 00:14

You absolutely could be annoyed by this, but should you?

Sethera · 14/07/2024 00:18

Not bringing a card is poor - you can pick up a card for pence or even make one if you have access to a printer. Presents less so - it's hard to find genuinely thoughtful gifts for (from the purchaser's point of view) someone else's DC within the deadline of a party, so there's the risk of giving pointless tat that's a waste of money and resources.

novocaine4thesoul · 14/07/2024 00:20

Bad form, it is as simple as that. Had there been a back story (parents were completely indisposed due to other events, then OK) I am glad that your DD had a nice time and wasn't bothered too much. x

TemuSpecialBuy · 14/07/2024 00:52

I just dont have time for people like this.

Either drop them socially or verbalise the expected behaviour.
I'd be asking if he forgot them / where dd's birthday card and gift were?

Izzynohopanda · 14/07/2024 01:56

That’s bad etiquette.

i presume they knew it was a birthday treat.

celadora · 14/07/2024 02:00

YANBU. Encourage dd to have other friendships,and taper off the play dates as they’re unreciprocated.

Do they invite dd to birthdays? I would just send a Maltesers box in future and a 25p card.

Nail123 · 14/07/2024 02:16

Yes bad! I had this from one (ex) friend, my daughter still remembers how she didn’t even get a card.

Irridescantshimmmer · 14/07/2024 02:40

Yeah I agree, it's bad manners with a lack of etiquette, however none of us know their families' circumstances, the parent(s) could be starving themselves so their kid(s) can eat......which happens a lot nowadays due to the price of food being sky high as well as the cost of fuel and utilities.

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/07/2024 02:44

Hadjab · 14/07/2024 00:11

I have three kids. I’ve never expected a present, just the attendance of the child that has been invited.

Don't you? Because it's pretty well fixed social behaviour. It's what 99% of people do.

NewDay00 · 14/07/2024 02:58

It's bad form, but if your DD is friends with the child then I wouldn't cut friends with them or anything.

BigCuteBaby567 · 14/07/2024 03:19

Bad form. Are you sure they knew it was her birthday ? It's the kind of thing that may take a parent by surprise if their kid doesn't make it clear.

Edingril · 14/07/2024 03:38

Hadjab · 14/07/2024 00:11

I have three kids. I’ve never expected a present, just the attendance of the child that has been invited.

Same I would have no idea nor remember who gets my child a present or not I don't keep count

Jazzjazzyjulez · 14/07/2024 04:18

Pretty rude.

if they couldn’t afford it, tell you quietly or don’t come. Like it or not it is a social norm in this country especially where you are paying for the activity/day.

Ive never known anyone to turn up to a birthday empty handed. You can literally get a card and a token gift for a couple of pound.

JustAnotherHappyFatty · 14/07/2024 05:12

Edingril · 14/07/2024 03:38

Same I would have no idea nor remember who gets my child a present or not I don't keep count

Show quote history

OP is hardly keeping count, only three friends were invited to the party....pretty obvious if one didn't bring anything.
It makes me laugh, you often read threads on here about adults who are unhappy that guests don't bring a token bottle of wine to parties/dinner etc, posters jump on to vilify those guests and look down on them for their rude, uncouth manners - this is where it starts!!
If you are invited to a party as a child you are supposed to take a present I fail to see how her parents missed the bleeding obvious.

Shoxfordian · 14/07/2024 05:16

Yeah it's rude not to bring even a token gift

whatafaf · 14/07/2024 05:20

It's very strange. At that age my kids would be asking about a lack of present for their friend if I tried to take them to a birthday without one.

I might not notice if someone brought one to my child if having a party with several kids but surely it's noticeable if there are only two.

Are they British? You mention other events. In my DH's culture a host would always cover everything and guests/ invitees don't offer anything and if they did it wouldn't be accepted.

YOYOK · 14/07/2024 05:21

Edingril · 14/07/2024 03:38

Same I would have no idea nor remember who gets my child a present or not I don't keep count

Show quote history

You would have an idea if 2 friends were invited and 1 of them did not bring a present.

Mummyindublin · 14/07/2024 05:36

I've family members like this and it drives me bonkers...all take and no give... Just like I was, my children are taught never to go to someone's house "with your arms swinging".… Homemade cards and a few hand picked flowers from the garden are better than nothing!

Bluebirdover · 14/07/2024 05:48

@Edingril I think OP made it clear that only two weee invited, it's hardly keeping count!

Yes bad form OP, not acceptable!

Quitelikeacatslife · 14/07/2024 06:55

My DS once went to a similar event that he either thought or told me was an end of term thing. Parents very generous etc, was mortified on pick up to realise was birthday