Wedding abroad night before meal

[spanieleyes22]

So I'm going to friends wedding in franc in august. Staying in a chateau for 3 nights. So the night before the wedding she has arranged a restaurant. It was 40 pp just me and ds going but now it's changed and it's 56 pp but it's a menu ds prob won't like eg foie gras and duck and different things. I feel it's a lot of money 132 altogether and ds will probably only pick at it. I'm not sure how to get out of it though. I was going to arrive in the evening and say we already ate. Is that rude. Then I'm wondering will she want to change the time of the meal to suit us. She needs to know if ds and me are coming to the meal. Wwyd. There's another meal on Sunday night which is 25 pp. not sure whether to stay for that or go back to the city . Will we be tired of socializing by then and prefer to do some sightseeing before flight home on Monday.

@spanieleyes22 does your friend even know you are vegetarian? Do you know if she has asked for veggie food for you at the wedding?

@spanieleyes22

I would try to go. It will be an opportunity to talk to some of the other guests who will be at the wedding.

What else is on the menu? There has to be more on there than duck and foie gras?

@spanieleyes22

Have arrangements been made for your transport from the airport to the chateau, OP?

I would level a little bit with your friend, tell her you are delighted to be there for her - and I would labour the fact that you are there for her - but you haven't got a lot of extra funds.

I would skip the meal on the first night - I'm guessing you might not be the only ones, and also if you end up splitting cost of wine etc. it could be even more expensive than you thought. I would just say your DS likes simple foods and you are a veggie so you will get something to eat in advance.

I would also skip the final meal. Everyone will be tired by then and it's an unnecessary expenditure.

Ask her if you can get a lift with anyone to the chateau and back during the day and also contact the chateau to see what the options are for getting there. Even if you can get a train or bus to the nearest station it will cut down your costs a lot.

Then she and the groom are being mean and penny pinching. Expecting you to stump up for flight and accommodation in a place where there are no alternative places to go (cafes, restaurants etc).

Why are you going @spanieleyes22 ? You could spend a bit more and take both your DC (it’s appalling she hasn’t invited your DD) on a modest camping holiday in a nice bit of France.

You’re forking out the best part of €1000 on someone else’s aspirational bridezilla dream where they’re not even hosting you!

They are so mean and ungenerous it’s making me annoyed on your behalf.

Ah thanks . If my dd was coming with me I'd feel more confident I think as she is very chatty and very good socially unlike me and ds!!! There seems to be a bus to the local town but I'm trying to see if it runs on a Sunday. It can get us there on the Friday. So that's good. There is a nearby town if we could get there we can get a bus I think. Or we can maybe share a taxi to the city it looks to be about 40 - 50. Does anyone know - I've checked on Uber and it says there is a ride available does that mean Uber works there . Thanks for the advice everyone

@YellowAsteroid yes I know I know I know. The thing is she was badgering me back in Jan/feb and she really wanted my ds there for company for her ds. I didn't factor in all the "unseen" costs. The flights seemed not too bad when I booked them. But then I realized we would need to take bags so that added another 50 . And then all these extras like travel to the chateau. I should have done more investigation. But I will research the bus that is cheap. And bring snacks. And get ds a pizza or something cheap before we go and same when we leave. Only thing is I will have to pay accommodation for Sunday night if I leave early. As flight not til Monday. So maybe I should stay sun nite there as it's included. Hard to do this on a budget!!!

I feel for you @spanieleyes22

The other way to do it, if it’s too late to pull out (if it were me, I’d seriously be thinking of not going), is to just be resigned to spending a LOT of money.

BUT do some research so you can spend your cash in the way YOU want to. Not on fancy meals that the bride and groom can’t afford to host!

Do some fun stuff with your DS. Check on TripAdvisor or the like about what walks you can do - the French countryside can be a bit boring but it’ll be novel. Make the walk into the village part of the exploration of the area. My last chateau-based holiday had a river nearby and we went rowing and swimming (but we know the owners …)

Work out a way to make you feel you’re having a proper holiday-cum-adventure with a wedding in the middle.

But tell your “friend” you and your DS won’t be going to expensive meals. If she wants your DS as company for her DC, she can pay for him.

lol thanks @YellowAsteroid that's good advice. I'm sad dd is not coming as it doesn't feel like a proper holiday without her but yes will do some research and line up things to do in the city. Ds does French so maybe he can practise
Going into shops and things like that too!