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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding abroad night before meal

84 replies

spanieleyes22 · 13/07/2024 20:43

So I'm going to friends wedding in franc in august. Staying in a chateau for 3 nights. So the night before the wedding she has arranged a restaurant. It was 40 pp just me and ds going but now it's changed and it's 56 pp but it's a menu ds prob won't like eg foie gras and duck and different things. I feel it's a lot of money 132 altogether and ds will probably only pick at it. I'm not sure how to get out of it though. I was going to arrive in the evening and say we already ate. Is that rude. Then I'm wondering will she want to change the time of the meal to suit us. She needs to know if ds and me are coming to the meal. Wwyd. There's another meal on Sunday night which is 25 pp. not sure whether to stay for that or go back to the city . Will we be tired of socializing by then and prefer to do some sightseeing before flight home on Monday.

OP posts:
KateDelRick · 13/07/2024 22:50

Wimbledoner · 13/07/2024 22:49

No it’s fine, say your little one is tired and you’re sorting yourself out and are so looking forward to the next day.

He's 16

Leafygreen84 · 13/07/2024 22:50

Wimbledoner · 13/07/2024 22:49

No it’s fine, say your little one is tired and you’re sorting yourself out and are so looking forward to the next day.

He’s 16 😂

Wimbledoner · 13/07/2024 22:51

A very tired teenager then!

Original poster
spanieleyes22 · 13/07/2024 22:55

I feel like we need to arrive kinda late rather than face questions from other guests why we not going to the meal? And so I can say we already ate. I'm just worried about getting there as it seems to be quite remote. Is it ok to contact chateau directly and ask about local transport and taxis. My friend is arranging a bus and taxis to bring everyone to the meal on the Friday night.

OP posts:
cestlavielife · 13/07/2024 22:57

Oh so he is 16 not 6 then
So take him to the meal
There will be something he can eat bread cheese meat
He can experience being a grown up
And there may not be uber locally!

cestlavielife · 13/07/2024 22:59

Why make life tricky?
remote location etc there will likely not be deliveroo..
Go along with the others make it a life experience
He will eat adult size meal anyway

Original poster
spanieleyes22 · 13/07/2024 23:15

Yeh it's just that 132 is a lot for a meal plus the taxi. Already spent 400 on flights plus accommodation at the chateau plus 1 nite in a hotel cos no flights on Fridays so had to arrive Thurs nite. Plus transfers and meals. Plus 50 for the meal on Sunday nite. Plus dd is not invited so I feel bad spending all
This and she can't enjoy it too. Am quite poor!!! Haven't been abroad for many many years . Maybe I should just go for the meal though you're right

OP posts:
Original poster
spanieleyes22 · 13/07/2024 23:18

I don't know why she changed from the original restaurant which was 40 pp and had more "normal" food plus I'm a veggie and there doesn't seem to be a veg option ! Ah maybe I'm just being stingy I dunno need advice . I mean I'm not her best friend or anything will she even notice if I'm not there dykwim

OP posts:
YellowAsteroid · 14/07/2024 06:56

spanieleyes22 · 13/07/2024 23:15

Yeh it's just that 132 is a lot for a meal plus the taxi. Already spent 400 on flights plus accommodation at the chateau plus 1 nite in a hotel cos no flights on Fridays so had to arrive Thurs nite. Plus transfers and meals. Plus 50 for the meal on Sunday nite. Plus dd is not invited so I feel bad spending all
This and she can't enjoy it too. Am quite poor!!! Haven't been abroad for many many years . Maybe I should just go for the meal though you're right

This just sounds like an expensive disaster. Why on earth are you going?

Use an online map like google maps to check out what is in the region. Is there a village in walkable distance?

And definitely contact your friend re a vegetarian option. I just wouldn’t be going under those conditions. France is getting better at catering for vegetarians but if there’s no vegetarian menu specified, you won’t have anything but just the vegetable course/dishes and bread and cheese(if you eat cheese).

Gingerdancedbackwards · 14/07/2024 07:03

Gall10 · 13/07/2024 21:14

If a couple decide to have their nuptials in France and invite guests to a pre-wedding meal then I’d expect them to foot the bill! Sorry. And NO do not expect your child…or any other human being …to eat foil gras. It’s cruelty in the extreme.

How do you know it isn't ethically produced foie gras?

Idontjetwashthefucker · 14/07/2024 07:09

I'd decline on the basis that there's no veggie option, I wouldn't be paying full price to nibble at things because I can't order a veggie meal

WaltzingWaters · 14/07/2024 07:12

Decline saying there’s nothing your ds will eat and no veggie option, so it makes it very expensive to pick at a few bits.

I think I’d have declined the whole wedding given the expense and that your Dd wasn’t invited. I’d really be expecting them to foot the bill considering they’ve asked people to spend ridiculous amounts getting to their wedding.

Tv23456 · 14/07/2024 07:17

I think you should say you will be arriving late and won't make it.
So what if you arrive earlier.
Bring snacks.
If you are poor that is a lot of money to spend on a regular friend.
Many would have declined.

SuuzeeeQ · 14/07/2024 07:20

spanieleyes22 · 13/07/2024 22:55

I feel like we need to arrive kinda late rather than face questions from other guests why we not going to the meal? And so I can say we already ate. I'm just worried about getting there as it seems to be quite remote. Is it ok to contact chateau directly and ask about local transport and taxis. My friend is arranging a bus and taxis to bring everyone to the meal on the Friday night.

don’t do that. You might still have to pay for your meal! In most places you have to cancel in advance as they prepare the food pp. You can’t just rock up and say you have already eaten. Tell your friend in advance so you don’t get charged. i am sure though they are also able to provide an alternative meal (what do the vegetarians eat?) if you ask in advance.

Depending on where the chateau is it might be a challenge getting to the next village. Have you researched this?

TemuSpecialBuy · 14/07/2024 07:23

spanieleyes22 · 13/07/2024 21:06

There's going to be fruit in the rooms on sat morn and then the wedding dinner is at 8pm. On Sunday there is brunch provided.

Jesus, bring some trail mix and a few snack bars 😵‍💫

I'm also in the be honest camp...its expensive your ds wont eat and you'll be arring late and tired after the travel.

Furrydogmum · 14/07/2024 07:24

You could have declined the whole thing and spent the money taking both your children away. Just do the bits you want to do and don't worry about what others think.

KateDelRick · 14/07/2024 07:27

I'm going to agree with pp and think that you may well be charged for that evening meal, as it seems to be part of the event. I was once stung in a similar way, and being vegetarian, could only eat some bread and cheese. Often these set ups aren't flexible.

OMGsamesame · 14/07/2024 07:31

Yes you can contact the venue in advance to ask about taxis to local village (and ask about breakfast on Sat/Sun). Also do some research on Google maps.

How are you getting to the chateau in the first place? If a private taxi can you get them to stop off at nearby supermarket (carrefour and leclerc and casino are the big names, also lidl and aldi in france) for some food.

I would need to eat something more than fruit between Friday night dinner and Saturday night dinner!

LaPalmaLlama · 14/07/2024 07:32

KateDelRick · 14/07/2024 07:27

I'm going to agree with pp and think that you may well be charged for that evening meal, as it seems to be part of the event. I was once stung in a similar way, and being vegetarian, could only eat some bread and cheese. Often these set ups aren't flexible.

It sounds more like the couple have arranged a set menu at a local restaurant, but I imagine they need to know in advance the number of people, so if OP says yes but then changes her mind on the day she’ll be charged. Otherwise not.

LaPalmaLlama · 14/07/2024 07:36

It definitely sounds like the type of place where the village might only have one restaurant or a restaurant that is only open in the evenings when it’s booked so I wouldn’t rely on there being other dinner options and honestly, while it’s possible to subsist on suitcase snacks for 24 hours, it sounds a bit miserable. I imagine a lot of people will have cars and drive into the village for lunch on the Saturday too, before the wedding.

ThinWomansBrain · 14/07/2024 07:37

I'm not veggie - but refuse to go to restaurants that serve foie gras.
not reasonable to let her book and then deliberately turn up too late to go though.
Be up front - tell her you don't fancy the menu, you're happy to do your own thing. have a nice evening with DS & enjoy the wedding.

OpizpuHeuvHiyo · 14/07/2024 07:43

Agree just be honest and say that meal doesn't work for us and we'll stay at the chateau quietly.

It's totally ok to not go. It doesn't have to be "embarrassing" just say "we're too tired from all the travel to launch straight unto party mode we need a quiet evening"

I have been a vegetarian at nice restaurants in remote parts of France and have had a grim experience every time. It's fine in paris or a big city but in more out-of-the-way places it's awful - like they hear "I don't want to eat meat" as "I don't want my food to be nutritionally balanced or taste interesting" and they give you a plate of sliced tomatoes. You'll still pay £56 for it though.

Just take some food from home in your hand luggage that you and DS can eat while watching some downloaded film on whatever portable device you have. You can take any food that doesn't contain meat, milk or milk-products in from the UK. If DS needs foods in these categories you might be able to buy them in airport stores after landing.

If this were me and my DS (we would be equally dismayed by the meal on offer) I would take some m&s felafel (which are much nicer than other supermarket felafel and good cold) houmous, veg sticks and pitta and some sweet treats for afterwards. We'd have a big lunch and be perfectly content with an evening watching a marvel superhero movie for the eleventybillionth time.

Don't engineer to arrive late. It's not wrong or embarrassing to need quiet time to decompress and get used to your surroundings after a day of travel.

Original poster
spanieleyes22 · 14/07/2024 07:47

Yes I am regretting going in a lot of ways. She kinda bullied me into it as she has a ds same age and I think she really wanted my ds as a friend for him. No I have to tell her if we going to meal so I wouldn't just turn up late I have to tell her soon. I was thinking we would eat before we arrived.

OP posts:
burnoutbabe · 14/07/2024 07:50

Flying makes you anxious so you just have simple food on arrival?

But I am wondering what you'll eat on all those other meals? Sounds like no food is provided and no where to get any? Or live off sandwiches for 3 days. Not ideal!

MiddleClassProblem · 14/07/2024 07:55

so the email itself it sounds like in actual fact you cannot it either.

But the main issue is that you don’t want to go. So maybe don’t? There may be some expenses you can’t get back but if you go you will be spending more anyway.

Is she a very close friend and worth pushing to go for? Do you regularly avoid this kind of thing du to anxiety and maybe that’s a reason to push yourself?