Wedding abroad night before meal

[spanieleyes22]

So I'm going to friends wedding in franc in august. Staying in a chateau for 3 nights. So the night before the wedding she has arranged a restaurant. It was 40 pp just me and ds going but now it's changed and it's 56 pp but it's a menu ds prob won't like eg foie gras and duck and different things. I feel it's a lot of money 132 altogether and ds will probably only pick at it. I'm not sure how to get out of it though. I was going to arrive in the evening and say we already ate. Is that rude. Then I'm wondering will she want to change the time of the meal to suit us. She needs to know if ds and me are coming to the meal. Wwyd. There's another meal on Sunday night which is 25 pp. not sure whether to stay for that or go back to the city . Will we be tired of socializing by then and prefer to do some sightseeing before flight home on Monday.

Yeh I am anxious is social settings so am pushing myself to go! Everyone I talked to said I should go it was a once in a lifetime etc etc. I'm v v nervous I don't really want to go if I'm honest but am making myself and thinking it will be nice for ds . There's a pool so I'm thinking he will have fun . I'm just hoping there is someone nice to talk to!!!! There will be food on sat nite obvs for the wedding dinner and brunch on Sunday. Maybe most people will come sat and leave Sunday. It's cos of the flights that we have to stay longer though I'm thinking we will leave on Sunday and go to the city for some sightseeing

The veggie bit you do need to check in advance- although most cater for veggies nowadays some French restaurants simply don't. If they don't then that makes your decision very easy

Bit of a drip feed that you are veggie - why can't you just be honest and say that it's so expensive for food neither of you will eat? Seems more sensible than making complicated travel arrangements just to avoid it.

Ok so in this case I think push yourself to go the wedding but skip the meal to relives one bit of pressure. Look at the airport and see if there is a cafe or something at arrivals you can go to.

I think a lot of what you have posted is you talking yourself out of not going to the meal or potentially the wedding. Just rip the plaster off one of those now.

She might be aware of flights so I would just say that you can’t afford it and will pick up something on the way but thank you so much for the invite and wish her a lovely time.

Son is 16.

Tend to agree.
It's nice but sounds like you can't really afford it.

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I would miss the meal. I wouldn’t eat that never mind any of my kids.
I do think you need to proper research the location and logistics of getting to and from the chateaux. Some of these chateaux are in the middle of knowhere. And getting to a town or village may not be a straight forward as you think. Arriving late and getting a taxi may cost you more than the money you’d save by not going to this meal.

There are lots of things that are "once in a lifetime" but woujd not be fun. Being hungry and feeling broke are not fun.

So work out logistics and whether fun can be had. If you cab go into the city Sunday I'd also do that Friday and stock up on food. Ask about fridges in rooms and logistics.
Everyone going for communal meals and splitting bills (how is drinks covered) if not got a lot of money won't be fun.

If anyone asks why you’re not attending the meal, you say with a bright smile ‘we thought we’d do our own thing this evening’. No one is going to question your right to decide how you spend your time and money, and if they do they’re typically not people you want to spend your time and money with 😃

Why don't you call the chateau? (Do they speak English?)
Do they operate with chance to order and pay food? Is it operating like a b and b ? Can you Order plate of baguette cheese fruit for your room. Faffing about with taxis and supermarkets won't be fun. Chateau tend to be out of village and there might not be easy taxi access. But call the chateau first.

Let your friend know asap that you’re not attending the meal. You’re veggie, DS isn’t into that kind of food - it’s a no brainer. Take some snack food with you, enough for the evening and chill in the chateau. It sounds like it might be quite difficult to travel to find somewhere else to eat.

@spanieleyes22 I think you would have had some more helpful replies if you had stated that you are vegetarian in your first post.

I think being honest is the best way forward. The French are notoriously bad at catering for vegetarians, especially if you are nowhere near a large town or city. So just say that you won't be paying £132 for a meal, most of which neither of you will eat going to the meal because your son won't fancy it and you won't be able to eat it.

Has your "friend" even told the wedding caterers that there is a vegetarian in the party? I would be taking a suitcase full of food because it sounds like you will be going hungry otherwise.

I doubt very much that there will be anything like Uber where you are going. We are only 5 miles from town, but we don't even get Uber round here.

I question the mentality of ANYONE that’s eats Fois gras tbh- it is VILE

I agree.
I don't know anyone who would eat it.

I'd decline purely on the basis that they're serving fois gras. But then I'm uncompromisingly vocal about animal torture. There's a reason it's banned in the U.K.

@Gingerdancedbackwards
Ethically produced lol
This IS France 🙄

Just say you and DS will make your own plans for Friday and won't be joining the dinner.

It’s too expensive and not something you’d enjoy. Have a nice early dinner before you arrive and see everyone for drinks after their dinner.

As for Sunday, I’d hustle on back to the city and enjoy a quiet night. We had an afternoon drinks thing the Sunday after our wedding as most of our friends/family are very spread out and travelled quite far to come to our wedding and we very likely wouldn’t see them again for a few years. Honestly, I was done. By the time we got to dinner, I’d lost my voice! Everyone was so tired. I’d enjoy breakfast with them and wave them off.

Just be honest “there is no veggie option”, and “DS is a fussy eater and don’t eat duck” (he’s missing out btw).
There may be a veggie option arranged, they might be the option to tailor the dishes so your son can eat something .. just ask

On Foie Gras .. there are a number of cities in France where it is banned, other than the stuff ethically produced, check it out.. may be worrying over little

She needs to know if ds and me are coming to the meal. Wwyd

I'd just say you were going to be doing your own thing as arriving a little later and will be tired after travel and you hope that's okay <3
No stress, no drama, it will be fine x

Thanks everyone. Am looking into buses and taxis now. My friend has said I can get a taxi to the city but it's 60 . I think I couldn't really afford to go to this wedding!!!

Yeh thanks am probably way over thinking it! I know she wants everything to be perfect and everyone to be happy but she's not great at understanding having no money! She's marrying a millionaire

So what? Not all french people are cruel to animals, even if they are to eat.
Don't be so patronising (or frenchist)

I honestly can’t believe they expect them to pay after flying to their wedding!