Are ‘night-before-the-wedding’ gifts a thing?

[vercd]

I’m bridesmaid for my cousin and her friend is maid of honour. I met the friend for the first time at the hen do and quickly realised she was the domineering personality type but overall the weekend was enjoyable and went smoothly. Now she is planning a surprise night before the wedding celebration with bridesmaids and close friends.

She has requested we all purchase something off a list she has made with links to each item (it has candles, perfume, chocolates, wine, cosmetics, pyjamas and other items which are between £20-£40 each). She’s asked us to wrap the gifts in pink paper, bring them to her when we arrive and she will give them to my cousin on behalf of us all. She also wants £10 each to cover nibbles and drinks for the group that evening.

Unless my cousin acts differently with her friendship group this doesn’t seem like something she would want. I wasn’t planning on buying gifts for her as we all paid for the hen and I will of course get a wedding gift for her.

I didn’t realise gift giving before the wedding was a thing. I haven’t replied yet and I don’t know how to navigate this! Wwyd?

I cannot think of anything I'd rather avoid than a 'night before my wedding' do with a bunch of people. It's ridiculous. Particularly as you don't seem to be invited to the party - simply funding the food and drinks.

There is a reason most people no longer have their hen/stag do on the night before they get married. Most brides want a chilled evening and an early night ready for the next day. Not to have a 'surprise' party with guests, however few or close they think they are.

I'd politely decline/ignore the request.

No. Especially when the "gifts" are the sort of cheap rubbish listed in the OP!

Has the bridesmaid considered that the bride will now have to find room for a bunch of extra tat in her suitcase? Perhaps point this out to her when you tell her that you don't think it's something your cousin would want the night before her wedding

Seriously, what a crock of shit.

I would realise that I have a commitment I had completely forgotten about that evening so unable to join them, but hope they all have a lovely time.

I think it's a bit presumptuous to think the bride wants a surprise the night before her wedding.

Is it a thing? It's passed me by if it is.

The £10 to cover snacks and drinks is fair enough. The rest is ridiculous

Utter madness, to go along with week long hens and stags and baby showers. Plus Christmas Eve boxes, Christmas Eve pyjamas and all the other opportunities to spend money you don’t want to.

No of course it's not a thing.
The bride will not appreciate any surprises the night before her wedding.

She's trying to cover herself in glory as thoughtful best friend. Just say you don't want to spend anymore money, you've already bought a wedding gift and that will have to suffice.

Would not want to be chipping in another £30-50 quid for this crap, or the time the night before wedding! Bow out of that one.

Perhaps you can message bride “oh, I’m not going to be able to make the party and nibbles event for the night before wedding as ….(getting eyelashes permed, ironing my pants, whatever)” to see if she even knows about this plan!

Every bride I’ve had dealings with has wanted the night before free for chilling out and beauty treatments.

This. What's next, bridesmaids hand feeding the bride and washing her feet ?
The excess frenzy over the perfectly commonplace step of getting married is absurd. That woman sounds neurotically over involved in her friend's moment.

I'd decline citing a previous commitment. And not contribute.

Sorry did not see the bride is to be surprised (ambushed) by this! No, no, no!!

No, she’s being massively over the top.

Having said that, I did get one. DH’s cousin got me a smelly candle. Nothing expensive but it was a lovely smell, and it reminds me of feeling happy and excited.

Particularly as you don't seem to be invited to the party - simply funding the food and drinks.
She is invited to the party hence being asked to 'fund' the food and drink🙄

@vercd op as annoying as it just purchase your 20 gift and pay the 10 pound for food and drink. If the gift options are too expensive just speak up and say you'll get your equivalent gift at what you can afford. A reasonable person would say yes to you. It's really not worth making a fuss.. you've come this far.. not long left and it will be over. Really it's a piss take and she could have said just pick a gift you want to give instead of giving you a list of things that range for 20 to 40. If you can afford it I'd say take part and don't say anything.. if it really comes down to money then be honest and say you're absolutely taking part but your gift will have to be something you can afford.

Me too. Not a penny.

Say you're busy setting fire to £20 notes and won't be able to attend.

Consumerism at its finest, the proles are easily influenced, lap it all up and the tat makers continue to get richer 😂

Just don’t go, I wouldn’t!

No, this is not a good surprise.
The bride will have made her plans for that night.
It is invading her privacy unless she, herself, has invited you all to stay with her. If she has invited you all, it's fair to all bring a healthy snack and your own bathroom/make-up supplies and maybe a bunch of flowers for you all to enjoy but sleep and relaxation would be the call.

Gifts might be given from the bride to her attendants, or from bride to groom and from groom to bride or from MOB to bride etc. but it is not usual for gifts to be given to the bride by the bridesmaids.

Also, you should protect your cousin from this by giving a common sense opinion about the idea, that it is silly.

"Cheers for trying to organise something but with the cost of the hen/travel/hotel/wedding gift/etc I'll give it a miss, spent quite a bit already."

Or..

"Thanks but I've already sorted something from me and DH/DP/the kids."

Um....@vercd Is the bride going to be at the 'surprise' night before the wedding event? Not clear from your post. I cannot imagine any bride would be up for that the evening before the wedding to be honest. so if this is supposed to be a surprise for the Bride, I would do my very best to tell the MOH that it is NOT a good idea.

If it's not including the bride, then just make an excuse not to go to that event. Crazy to be doing something like that the night before the wedding day either way. Most people would want to be rested for the big day - especially as those in the actual wedding party will no doubt have a long day, with an early wake up call to get ready

I would be tempted to ask whether she’s sure bride wants a surprise get together the evening before her wedding, as it’s not something most brides want and you don’t think this bride will enjoy either.

We went to the pub with loads of friends and family the night before our wedding and have done the same with others the night before theirs. Is she sure bride wants a tacky pink party like this?

The money itself isn’t so much of an issue but I don’t think my cousin will want that stuff and I’d rather my money be spent on something wanted/needed.

Also like others have said I don’t think it’s appropriate for this bride the night before the wedding, I’d imagine she just wants to drink a cup of tea and chill out!

I’ll contact the friend organising this

"Thank you for the invitation, but I won't be able to attend" is all you have to say.