Is this normal in a relationship?

[lovemywaypsychedelicfurs]

It sounds stupid, but I've genuinely lost sight of what's normal and what isn't.

Let's imagine you have a day off, and your spouse texts you saying 'Can you go to Tesco and buy a whole chicken, herbs, potatoes, and veg. '

Can you then season the chicken and cook it in x manner, roast the potatoes and cook the veg in X manner please?

Like is this a normal thing to do?

Or like I've posted elsewhere, insisting I make fresh salsa and guacamole for the same meal and not being happy when I explained I'd just buy a salsa.

No I don’t think so. It’s demanding

No, it’s not a normal thing to do. If he had said, “If you’re going shopping today, I fancy chicken: I really like your herby chicken with potatoes and veg”, that would be fine. It’s not so much what he’s said as the way he’s said it (that makes him sound like a control freak).

He got annoyed because I said it was my day off and I didn't fancy all the cooking and inevitable cleaning.

That's unanswerable without context.

I'd be responding that if they're so particular about how and what is cooked, they can crack on and do it themselves.

No it isn't normal to instruct people what and how to cook.

The salsa thing is annoying too. If he wants home made salsa so specifically why doesn’t he make it himself ?? Like does he ever do the cooking

you mean to say this is the second food related / Partner thread you’ve started?

op

on your other thread

started…. TODAY

this person is your EX who didn’t want to marry you

'Can you go to Tesco and buy a whole chicken, herbs, potatoes, and veg. '
Can you then season the chicken and cook it in x manner, roast the potatoes and cook the veg in X manner please?

I think I'd reply, "yes, yes I could, but I won't. If you want that, buy the stuff on the way home and do it yourself".

No it’s not normal, it’s controlling.
The only time my partner might say something remotely like that is if we’re having guests over but he’d say it more in a “if you have a chance it would be lovely if you could make x” but he wouldn’t be annoyed if I said I don’t have time.

I enjoy cooking but on my own terms. I wouldn’t be putting up with demands to cook whatever my partner wanted, but if and when I want to cook something from scratch, I will!

heads up. Before you waste time on this thread

the op is reminiscing about a past perceived injustice from an EX who she left because the Ex didn’t want to marry her

No, tell him if he wants something doing a certain way, he can fucking do it himself.

If you do it then you're your own worst enemy OP. Tell him no.

Wish I'd seen this first like. Public service man

Why are you obsessing over this? Seen your other thread. Guy's a loser.

Anyway no, it's not normal at all. If he wanted things to be cooked in a certain way, he should have done it himself.

The OP has another thread going and the man is clearly a twat.

OP, please keep this man in your rear view mirror. Keep driving your life forwards, and do not look back 💐

It doesn't sound normal, no, but context is everything. I suppose If you take turns to do dinner and while he always makes an effort to cook from scratch, you frequently serve up ready meals and loads of UPFs, then I can see why he'd get cheesed off. Is that his issue? That he feels you aren't taking your fair share of the work in order to eat reasonably healthily?

But if that's not the case, why does he need to give you specific instructions on how to season and roast a chicken? Surely if it's your turn to cook then you are capable of deciding what, and how, all by yourself.

and an ex who the op wanted to marry but he didn’t want to marry the op!!!

Nope not normal but stop analysing it as you are not with him any more anyway.

What's normal got to do with it? It's not 'normal' not to like drinking tea, but I don't make myself do it because I don't like it. Should I try harder to like it, in order to meet 'normality standards', or do what I want because it's my life?

That response is such a cop-out and is spouted so often on MN.

It's on par with the 'weaponised incompetence' men are often accused of.

Imagine if a man said "if she's so particular with how she wants all the cleaning done, she can do it all herself"...

Granted, in this case, he sounds like a dick, but otherwise, it all depends on context, whether he asks this sort of thing often etc, but if it's a rare "I have a craving for... or I love the way you make this, can you do it for me", no biggie.

Context is everything
If someone has the day off and some free time and there are tasks to be done that's fine

Would it be an issue if I said to my OH can you go to B&Q and buy some white emulsion paint?
Oh and can you paint that wall? But use a roller not a brush?

I think that's quite normal as we are a team running a house together.

If you have a day off but don't want to cook or clean, and aren't doing anything else I would wonder why? It's OK to do nothing somedays but it's also OK to use your free time to prepare nice meals/experiences for you and your partner.

It wasn't in the context of 'I love your , could you make another?'

It was a new recipe or something he'd seen and wanted me to make.

And it's not that I couldn't be bothered doing anything.
I did the vast majority of the shopping and cleaning, and always had something prepared ready for him even if it wasn't 100% from scratch. It wasn't a microwave meal either.