Is this normal in a relationship?

[lovemywaypsychedelicfurs]

It sounds stupid, but I've genuinely lost sight of what's normal and what isn't.

Let's imagine you have a day off, and your spouse texts you saying 'Can you go to Tesco and buy a whole chicken, herbs, potatoes, and veg. '

Can you then season the chicken and cook it in x manner, roast the potatoes and cook the veg in X manner please?

Like is this a normal thing to do?

He. Is. Your. EX!!!

who didn’t want to marry you

OP you need to get therapy

So you expect your partner to come home from work and then do cooking and cleaning? That's not normal either.
My partner is working today, I will be going to shops, cooking and cleaning. I also don't fancy it but I have a day off and this is what I am going to do to support my partner who would be doing the same if the roles were switched.

it doesn’t bloody matter

he is your EX!!!!

As I said upthread, I did most of the chores.
I also worked full time.

But you are not working today, are you? In a normal partnership, whoever has the time will pick up a slack.
You also mentioned he found a recipe, in which case it seems perfectly normal to share the basic steps as this was not a recipe you were familiar with. If my partner texts me today saying "I really fancy Polish Lecho", I would totally need instructions on how to make it.
Anyway, I gather from others that there is a lot more to this story...

Oh dear.

@itistooeasy

Your posts are very passionately saying the same thing over and over. He is her ex. We get it. OP is allowed to post about her ex, isn't she? Sometimes people like to think through things that happened in the past.

Do. you. get. that?!!!!! (looks good to write in that style, eh?)

Perfectly normal to receive a message like that. If you happen to be an employed cook/housekeeper for a posh family who employs servants, that is.

Otherwise no.

OP I mean this with kindness.

Move on. Block him.

No matter how many threads you start about this man, he's still your ex, and there is nothing to be gained from responding to him. He is awful.

Forget him. He is not a nice person.

OP a more normal thing would be for the person at work to text saying - "as you are off today could you pick up some food for dinner as we have nothing in, I fancy chicken, what do you think?" To which you might respond - "sure, I'll do chicken with roast potatoes and steamed veg - does that sound ok?"

It might be fine for the partner to express preferences like "remember I don't like sprouts" but IMO, the partner who is not doing the shopping and cooking does not get to micro manage the other person.

However it would also be acceptable and normal for you to say "sorry I am busy and won't have time to shop or cook today, how about we sort out a takeaway or go out to eat later"

Yup this. By all means say oh I fancy chicken and roast potatoes for dinner. That's fine....but if your dictating how I cook it, you can do it yourself

I was busy on a Sunday
I asked OH to go to the shop, buy food for dinner and text him instructions of how to cook it.
I think that's ok

Yes, that's okay, and normal.

But it isn't normal to be abusive or angry with your partner if they don't cook everything from scratch, using the very ingredients you ordered them to buy.

Indeed. Mr Monkey is not a confident cook so he will often ask me how things should be cooked, but equally I am not going to dictate if he chose to do it a different way.

For me it's the way it's been asked.

My husband will sometimes message me on my cooking days and say "I have a huge hankering for X, would you mind making it tonight?" and I'm usually happy to oblige unless I've already started something else. In fact he's done it today, he's having a bad day in work and wants fajitas. He's asked nicely, he won't be cross with me if I say no. It's fine. Fajitas it is.

It's the demanding shopping list and then list of cooking instructions that bothers me about this. He's not asking if you could or if you'd mind, he's telling you what you're doing. I'd not be ok with that, I'm not my husband's employee.

OP - two threads about your ex in one day? You need to get him out of your head.

Only if you're staff for the Lord/Lady of the Manor.

So do you think it should be normal for every couple, then, given that it fits in with the context of your relationship? Like, your experience is a 'template' for us all to base our own normality on?

Different relationships have different normals but the common theme should be mutual respect and team work.

I do most of the food shopping and cooking as I enjoy it and Mr Monkey would live on bread, cheese and crisps if left to his own devices.

We talk about preferences and plans for cooking and meals, but he would never dream of dictating to me what and how I cook. I am his partner, not staff.

You’re 100% better to be out of it. He sounds like a lazy, controlling and selfish prick to me. You weren’t his chef or slave

No idea if it was the same user name but this also seems very similar to a thread started some months ago.

@lovemywaypsychedelicfurs Why do you keep making new threads about your ex?

He’s your ex for good reason
Listen to all the hundreds of posters who have given you excellent advice on all your different threads

Ignore him, block him, he is NOT a nice person.
Get some therapy for yourself.

Don’t be the person who ends up wasting their life on a no hoper arsehole.

YOU CAN FIND SOMEONE BETTER THAN HIM!

Don’t talk daft. This is not ‘perfectly normal’. You are being completely disingenuous.

I find if a thread starts with the question “is this normal” Before I even open it I know the answer will be No.

I find if a thread starts with the question 'is this normal', before I even open it, I know it doesn't matter, because even if it is normal, OP doesn't like it.

We don't have to put up with things we don't like, regardless of how normal they are, so the 'normality' question reveals that OP is trying to work out if she should try to make themselves comfortable with something they're not comfortable with, rather than respecting their own feelings, and acting accordingly.