To leave baby crying if…

[Apppron]

It’s before 7am and you’ve gone in to settle a few times but they won’t stop? Not needing anything, just wanting to get up. They’re 21 months. I’ve left to cry for ten mins and they did eventually stop but now I’m wondering if that was wrong?

6am perhaps, but I think 7am is quite late for that age.

They went back to sleep so I’d say you made the right call. Being left for a few minutes to self settle is completely different from being ignored and left to cry repeatedly for hours. Young children do need to learn to settle themselves sometimes. Some of the comments here are ridiculous.

Now I’m confused people are saying 10 minutes before 7 of course that’s not unreasonable
But then others saying 5am
but 5-7 am is not ten minutes it’s two hours, so now the post is now not making sense

actually edited found the reply from the
op to another comment

** because it was 5am and they usually sleep until 7

Maybe you need to read up on developmental stages, attachment and sleep. Babies were left to cry in the past but things have moved on and we now know the damage that it does. Once is probably unlikely to have an impact but if it becomes a regular thing then your baby is going to learn that their needs are being ignored.

OP, don’t worry. I did this sometimes with mine. If you’re extremely tired and you needed some sleep but still checked on them, it’s fine. You’ll be a much better parent this morning if you’ve rested and recharged too.

I did controlled crying when my child needed to sleep (at night time) but there's no way this would work just before 7am. Your child clearly has had enough sleep and is ready to get up! I mean if it was 5am or something it's worth a try, but 6.30am? No way. Just get them up. Bring them to you bed for a cuddle if you want to stay in bed longer.
I don't understand why you'd leave them to cry at them time. Surely you can't relax if they're crying?

Sorry just seen it was 5am! I thought you did it just before 7!
You did the right thing. They needed more sleep (and so did you).

Hmm I didn't read that in the OP at all. Please quote where is says that

Most kids start their day at 6.

It’s in the drip feed comments I thought I’d miss read but seen it again
she’s replied to another poster comments saying she didn’t get them up because in her words on this thread

** because it was 5am and they usually sleep until 7

5am is v early especially if you know they normally sleep until 7, I think it’s fine but I don’t have kids yet. A few minutes crying is fine to me but depends on if you’re sure they’re not unwell etc. They might need a later bed time?

You are being unreasonable to say "before 7" and then change it to 5a.m. and they usually sleep until 7a.m.

Hey OP. Try not to beat yourself up. Motherhood is hard and in my experience we’re surrounded by messaging from other mums and social media that babies should sleep 7-7 from very young. (The reality is that they often wake up far earlier.) I’ve been encouraged to try sleep training, specifically the “cry it out” method, so many times and responded to as if I’m mad for not wanting to try it. I can understand how tough it can get with sleep but there are other strategies to explore that are less distressing/difficult for you and your baby. But an early start is pretty standard. They don’t know the time.

It was fine, OP.

All the pious parents of first-borns or onlies need to get off their high horses.

I'm on #4. If I ran to respond to every tiny grumble, I'd be beyond exhausted and never able to do anything with my others.

Your child is not going to be damaged from being encouraged to go back to sleep when it's too early to get up.

And not all toddlers start their day at 5am... I've not had this 'phase' with any of mine so far.

@Apppron please
Give yourself a break! Yes, in an ideal world we'd never leave a child to cry. But one morning will be fine. I understand that insane tiredness. The fact your little one has gone back to sleep suggests they needed more sleep. You'll bother be rested and can have an amazing day

Yes please don't worry OP. We go by the "No getting up before 7am rule" in this house and it has served us well. Occasionally they went through 5am wakings and that's fine, they don't have to be asleep but they need to be quiet in their room.

When they were toddlers I'd usually go in and lay with them holding their hands until they went back to sleep which they did 80% of the time. The other 20% if they started protesting, I'd stay calm, speak quietly, keep room dark, and if all else failed quietly read books with them.

Eventually if they know they're not getting rewarded with TV for early wakeups they'll sleep in longer. It's not a bad thing to set boundaries and good habits!

Ten minutes is fine and as you say they stopped and went back to sleep.

I did controlled crying to sleep train baby and one of the hardest hurdles was waking around 5-7. We realized that going in was too stimulating and was impossible for us the get her back to sleep. So we left her to it, and within a few days early morning wakes has gone.

As we did controlled crying we actually realized a lot of it wasn't crying, it was actually moaning. You will always get some people telling you are awful. I ignore them, my child sleeps well, is very bonded with us and is very content.

I followed Baby Sleep Consultant on Instagram.

One of the worst tribes on here are the mean attachment parents. So condescending and cruel to people asking for help. “Leaving a child to grumble for 5 seconds will ruin your bond.” “I am a slave to my child and a broken shell of a person so everyone else must be too.”

Five seconds is nothing. Ten minutes is cruel.

Given the time, I probably would have got baby up. If it was earlier however and the baby didn't need anything I might have chanced a 5 min cry to see if they settle themselves.

Slight oversimplification, but you can split the debate into people who either a) think it's mean to leave a child crying for 10 mins OR b) think it's mean to say it's mean to leave a child crying for 10 mins. It's almost impossible to sway either group because it's a stance that is intrinsically linked to your personal values and highly nuanced, with next to no robust data to validate who is right or wrong.

So essentially, posting about it on MUMSnet is pointless, if you're hoping for consensus.

It was 5am! Nothing the OP did was selfish. She did go into him and he fell back asleep within 10 minutes

Try reading the thread before making a nasty comment

People are so dramatic. You left them 10 mins not ten hours. They went back to sleep. Being able to self soothe especially by 21 months is great.

Why would u leave them to cry at 7am that's a normal time to start the day ! I wouldn't leave them they have had there sleep and there ready for there day of adventure my toddler wakes at 5.30 sometimes and that's when my day starts