Parent at nursery has taken a dislike to me

[Sausagerolls4]

I'm not sure if this is the best place to ask for advice but here goes.

I work in a nursery and have done for the last 3.5 years. I'm based in the baby room and it's normally only me in there unless we go over ratio.

A new baby (11 months) recently started with us. He comes 3 days a week so it's taken a bit longer for him to settle. He still cries when mum drops him off in the morning and sometimes during the day if he's tired but he is normally fine once settled and will get involved with the other babies and play.

It seems (or so I think) that his mum has taken a huge dislike to me. I think it's because she expects us to provide 1-1 attention which unfortunately we're unable to do in a nursery setting, although we do try our best. She's complained about me twice. The first time was because he started crying when she picked him up. I was sat with him but needed to change another child's nappy and when I got up he was hysterical so I put him into a bouncer with a blanket and teddies which calmed him down. He was happy sitting in there watching us but his mum walked in a few minutes later and he started crying once he noticed her. I explained this and tried to reassure her that he'd be fine but she still complained to my manager.

The 2nd time wasn't a complaint per se, but she asked my manager if I was having personal problems because I seemed really down and quiet when she dropped him off one morning.
She's also made comments about how he's come home filthy and in soiled nappies. I don't see how as we always check before they're picked up so it must have happened in the car. We are a small chain of nurseries and she knows some of the ladies who work in the other nursery and has made comments about me to them (they've told me).

It's started to make feel really uncomfortable in work and I'm not sure how to proceed. I've spoken to my manager about it and she's even admitted that it seems like she has something against me. Obviously my manager can't say anything because she's a customer but it's really starting to get me down and make me feel nervous in work. I've never had this issue before with a parent and I'm starting to wonder if I should just resign and look for another job.

Do not resign from a job you are clearly good at over one silly girl being precious.
Your managers are clearly happy with you and as you say, you check nappies before sending the children home.
She can go elsewhere if she isn’t happy. She is clearly very inexperienced and naive as to what to expect from a nursery.

You always run the risk of someone in a job not liking you, so you can’t change jobs every time you encounter someone that doesn’t like you. Be professional and get on with it.

If you otherwise like working there, then don't leave, your manager clearly sees what's going on. You'll always risk meeting difficult parents in that job so I wouldn't make decisions based on that.

The mother is probably struggling with leaving her PFB in nursery and so has unrealistic expectations. Has the baby been there long? Hopefully with time she'll relax a bit - or else realise that nursery isn't for her and move elsewhere!

I used to work in a nursery myself and I remember one parent doing a similar thing. She was convinced her son wasn’t settling because he cried at pick up and drop off, never said a word to me and went straight to the manager. Just kill her with kindness, be over the top kissing her ass for awhile then she won’t have anything to complain about.

How does it work when you’re the only person in the baby room though? I wouldn’t be happy with that, surely to safe guard yourself against accusations you need another staff member present at all times?

Try to have another member of staff with you during your encounters with this woman or if that’s not possible, keep a written record of interactions with her just in case she accuses you of anything harmful

I know and that's what I've been trying to do so far, remain professional and do my job but my worry is that she might accuse me of something one day. Say if he hurt himself or something which obviously does happen sometimes in nurseries. It's just making me nervous of looking after him.

Obviously my manager can't say anything because she's a customer

It is your manager's job to support their staff too. Dealing with customers professionally doesn't automatically mean that the customer can do or say whatever they want.

Ensure that you stay entirely beyond reproach, but I would also be asking your manager to assist with this and to back you up. Presumably if they are having issues raised by a customer, they will need to be checking that all is in order and reporting that back to the customer that they have no concerns (or otherwise).

That's really hard. Please don't quit your job! The baby will only be there a few months, worst scenario you could get transferred to into another room and back again when baby moves up. That parent relationship is a tricky one, she might be really struggling handing her baby over and is taking it out on you. Your manager should have your back though and understand there are always difficult clients. If you did nothing wrong and followed procedure and manager is happy then it's this woman's issue not yours. Just suck it up and know you are doing a good job.

It’s her own guilt / anxiety about leaving her child, so she’s taking it out on you.

Does she not realise that babies invariably will cry or fuss on seeing the mum after a separation? It’s their way of saying “look here I am, I need you.” If her baby was ignoring her, refusing to make eye contact with her or indifferent, that’s when she should worry as that can indicate avoidant or insecure attachment.

She surely knew that the nursery was not 1:1 care when she enrolled him, so not sure what she expects from you.

If she wants 1:1 care she can employ a nanny. No doubt she would criticise her too.

Well it then comes down to how much you trust your manager to have your back. If you don’t trust your manager, yes, look to move. Otherwise you’re just going to encounter people who don’t like you wherever you go.

Ignore her. The child will move rooms soon enough and that will be the end of it

If she’s not happy with her child being in that setting she needs to get a childminder or nanny and move on. As far as I remember, nursery places are difficult to come by and the space will get filled quickly. Not sure I agree with the other nursery staff shit stirring 🤔

It's such a shame she has made you feel this way. Some people are just oblivious to the impact of how they behave. I remember when DS2 was tiny, i'd get him ready for nursery all nice and clean and just as I unstrap him from the car to hand him over he'll do a enormous no.2! nursery was always kind and understanding and took him to change straight away but it used to make me feel like i wasn't looking after him properly and was dumping him on nursery staff. of course it's the other way round for this parent but it's pretty normal.

All you can do is remain professional and make sure you keeping to the written guidelines so that you are covered in the even of a report. Perhaps start taking more care to have witnesses that can back you up e.g if you're the one changing the babies nappy make sure another staff member can vouch for you or if possible can you change key workers so you're not directly responsible for this particular child? All this is a pain I know.

Another thing is, can your nursery manager have a formal meeting with this parent ? 'It's come to my notice that you've shown concern for X, is there anything you're not happy with regarding our care for your baby as I 'd be happy to discuss it with you (not exactly in those words, but you get the idea).

Put some pressure on your manager, I understand PFB but this mum is being unprofessional towards you (making comments to other staff within your company is unacceptable) and your manager needs to protect you.

When mum drops off and picks up ask to have the manager or another member of staff with you for support/back up. Really argue for this as you shouldn’t really be working alone with children for long periods anyway, there’s no protection if something happens.

I dealt with a similar parent like this when managing a nursery. I was there for every pick up and drop off and did most of the handover. I think they realised what I was doing and they calmed down a bit.

I bet she'll be like that when her baby moves to the next room too. I know someone who complained her way throughout her children's primary and secondary schools. Upsetting teachers along the way. She might be like that.
I think your manager should support you over it. She sounds like a bully. You shouldn't have to move jobs.
It sounds like you are doing a good job.

How long will he be in the baby room?

Can you ask to swap to another room until he move?

I'm based in the baby room and it's normally only me in there unless we go over ratio.

This would concern me as an employee. How do you communicate with the rest of the staff and the manager during the day? When it comes to looking after children I would not want to put myself in the position of being alone with a group of very young children with no direct support.

I thought nursery places were hard to come by, do you have a waiting list?

If filling the place would be easy then your manager should suggest she finds alternative arrangements.

I think it's really hard to retain staff and maintain standards if management will allow staff to be bullied and criticised even when they are doing a good job.

Is the baby eating/having a bottle within the hour before pickup? If so, that's probably causing the soiled nappies around that time

However I'd be extremely concerned if there was only one member of staff for an entire baby room. Surely there should be at least 2, regardless of ratios? Isn't that just basic safeguarding?

Your manager needs to deal with this. It seems she's not?

I’d ask for a formal meeting with my manager and raise your concerns, if you don’t and this parent continues to make unfounded allegations about you the situation will only escalate. Your manager needs to meet with this parent and ask what her concerns are then deal with them as well as supporting you.

The ratio in Scotland for age 0 - 2 is one adult to 3 children for a PP who asked I don’t know if the same anywhere else. A lot of nurseries I know of have CCTV in rooms for safeguarding.

Can you tell your manager that she's making you uncomfortable with her comments to other staff members about you and her unjustified baseless criticisms, so you don't want to look after her child any longer due to her behaviour? Surely parents can be warned about their behaviour as well and asked to leave if they're making staff uncomfortable. This isn't school; there's no entitlement to a place in a nursery. Good childcare is hard to find and I'm sure most places have waiting lists. She could be put on notice that her behaviour is unacceptable and if it doesn't change, including slandering staff, she will be asked to look elsewhere for her child's care.

I would hope that the manager would speak to her. If she's said vile things to others about you then this is unacceptable and she should be pulled up about it. If she gets offended and wants to move her child elsewhere then that still shouldn't be a barrier to your manager discussing it with her.

Don't leave for this reason only. If you love the place and enjoy your role then you should stay. If you are placed in baby room then I guess the bright side is this baby won't be a baby forever, hopefully another key worker will deal with this parent in the next room.

How long has the child attended? If this is the woman's first child and first time interacting with a nursery then she needs to get used to things being done differently to home, i.e. the dedicated one to one time etc.

I would try and ignore her, carry on doing your job, the problem is hers, not yours!