Parent at nursery has taken a dislike to me

[Sausagerolls4]

I'm not sure if this is the best place to ask for advice but here goes.

I work in a nursery and have done for the last 3.5 years. I'm based in the baby room and it's normally only me in there unless we go over ratio.

A new baby (11 months) recently started with us. He comes 3 days a week so it's taken a bit longer for him to settle. He still cries when mum drops him off in the morning and sometimes during the day if he's tired but he is normally fine once settled and will get involved with the other babies and play.

It seems (or so I think) that his mum has taken a huge dislike to me. I think it's because she expects us to provide 1-1 attention which unfortunately we're unable to do in a nursery setting, although we do try our best. She's complained about me twice. The first time was because he started crying when she picked him up. I was sat with him but needed to change another child's nappy and when I got up he was hysterical so I put him into a bouncer with a blanket and teddies which calmed him down. He was happy sitting in there watching us but his mum walked in a few minutes later and he started crying once he noticed her. I explained this and tried to reassure her that he'd be fine but she still complained to my manager.

The 2nd time wasn't a complaint per se, but she asked my manager if I was having personal problems because I seemed really down and quiet when she dropped him off one morning.
She's also made comments about how he's come home filthy and in soiled nappies. I don't see how as we always check before they're picked up so it must have happened in the car. We are a small chain of nurseries and she knows some of the ladies who work in the other nursery and has made comments about me to them (they've told me).

It's started to make feel really uncomfortable in work and I'm not sure how to proceed. I've spoken to my manager about it and she's even admitted that it seems like she has something against me. Obviously my manager can't say anything because she's a customer but it's really starting to get me down and make me feel nervous in work. I've never had this issue before with a parent and I'm starting to wonder if I should just resign and look for another job.

I would flag these incidents with your manager ahead of anything happening. At least then you have expressed your feelings and just tell her you're a bit concerned as XXX, diplomatically. Then if the woman does take anything further you are covered.

The nursery my child attended had to have 2 staff members present for nappy changes to safeguard both the staff and child. Surely there’s more than just the one person looking after babies?

I would get your manager to encourage her to check the diaper before the baby is put in the car seat so you don't get blamed for this non sensical issue. She also shouldn't be commenting on your mood. Like, of course your not gonna seem happy and calm to see her when she's treated you like this!

Edit: sorry didn't mean to quote!

Do you send photos of baby enjoying themselves? That might help the mum. I’d be direct to her too - tell her your colleagues have mentioned that she’s talking about you to them and to avoid confusion you’d prefer all comments are directed to you in the future.

No don’t leave because of her. I get that she’s a customer but your employer has far more legal reaponsibilities towards you than they do to her.

They are legally required to provide you with a workplace free from bullying and harassment - that is not just feom
colleagues that includes customers and visitors too. So if she contains to complain about you and gossip about you then they should be taking this up with her

"I'm based in the baby room and it's normally only me in there unless we go over ratio."

Do you mean it's you as the regular staff member and some supply staff? If it's just you on your own that's a massive safeguarding issue and putting yourself at risk.

You really shouldn’t be on your own as that’s a safeguarding risk.

It sounds like she would hate anyone that is caring for her baby and feels jealous because she is going to work.

She's going to nit pick because inside she feels so resentful at not being with her baby and you are.

If she was so upset with how you look after her child she’s have pulled him out, she hasn’t so she’s just blowing hot air. She’s the one with the issue not you. It’s hard but don’t take it to heart.

Your manager should be dealing with this and nicely explaining If she wants 1:1 care she needs a nanny.

I would be "reporting" her to your line manager and explaining you arent happy with the current situation and they need to manage it.

Never be alone with the child ever - always have someone there in case of an accusation. Request to not be his key worker if you can so you are not doing most of his care. Apart from that carry on being your professional self.

Agree with others that you shouldn't be on your own in the baby room. This is as much for you as it is for the babies in your charge. What if you fainted? Not being melodramatic, this is something that occurred in a different setting recently but raised similar concerns around safeguarding. As others have mentioned it's also in the event of an accusation, to have a witness.

As a sidenote, does this mean you only have 3 babies (or less) in the baby room?

This. It's your managers issue so don't let them deflect. I agree that this person needs to pay for a nanny if they need 1:1 care for their child. I'd sit down and have a discussion with your manager and ask them for their support. Don't leave your job if you are enjoying it as I'm sure these parents are everywhere!

You sound decent at your job so your manager should be backing you up. Seriously, there's a big shortage of childcare places and staff, not parents needing childcare.
The set up here doesn't sound great. Just because you enjoy this job doesn't mean you won't enjoy working somewhere else just as much (or more if you are treated well and get better support) so you could consider looking for a similar job elsewhere. There's no need to resign here first.

I am also a nursery nurse and have experienced parents like this. I get it, they may be particularly anxious about their child's care and we can all understand that. But she's taking it further than just raising issues with how something is done or asking you to do something differently. I think it wouldn't be unreasonable for the manager to let her know that staff from another branch have made them aware of these comments and that if she has any concerns she must share them with the manager so they can be resolved, not other members of staff who have nothing to do with the child or setting. She can still be polite and professional while letting them know she backs you up.

As you are on your own in the baby room for the most part, what is in place to protect you if someone was to make an accusation? What is the procedure if there was an emergency, for example you fainted, are you visible to other staff members all the time?

With regard to this particular parent perhaps the manager can be present in the room for handovers if you know the approx time the parent collects each day. Or another member of staff pop in so that if you are busy with another child, at least someone is there to visibly be with her baby and do the handover. I would also be really clear in writing (assume you have diaries or similar) about nappies, any bumps however minor etc, when I handed baby over I would do a quick nappy check there and then and say "he had a nappy change at X time and still all clean" and as a pp said, kill her with kindness!!

I also work in a nursery. I wouldn’t be happy being alone at all times in a room with babies. Obviously there are times throughout the day ie toilet breaks where this is unavoidable but for your own and the children’s safety there should always be two members of staff regardless of ratios. What if you passed out, or one of the babies hurt themselves/ choked etc

I'm based in the baby room and it's normally only me in there unless we go over ratio.

This really jumped out at me. Doesn’t sound like good practice at all. There must be someone to look after the others in a baby room, while nappies are being changed etc? What constitutes ‘over ratio’?

I’m astounded that you are on your own in the baby room, all of the settings here have a minimum of 2 and will combine rooms at quiet times if needed to achieve that eg at out old setting there was a small babies room and then an older baby but they had adjoining doors and at start and end of day they’d combine them so needed fewer staff.

Not only are the babies vulnerable but so are you. I think the mother has some reason to be concerned (not at you but by the set up).

That sounds like a really unprofessional environment for both you and the children under your care. Why is there only one person in the room and they don’t combine rooms?

The mother complaining about you to other staff in your sister nurseries is VERY unprofessional. Your manager needs to call a meeting about this with the parent. You need to request a meeting in writing and then outline your concerns and ask how the nursery manager will address them so you can do your job in a professional manner (ie without this women gossiping about you, such demoralising behaviour .)

The mother has unreasonable expectations about what a nursery setting offers and needs to be set straight that it’s not you not being good at your job, but the limitations of a nursery setting (is get a nanny if you want 1-1).

Sorry your job is so hard. My daughters keyworker and the general staff are amazing and we appreciate them so much for all they do.

Parent needs to be told to wind their neck in as the nursery has a waiting list you are happy to give her space away

Your manager can and should be dealing with this. As a teacher, we had a Head who got to the point that when notorious parents complained multiple times, he simply said "If you don't like the provision we offer, there are many other schools in the catchment area which I'm sure would be more fitting for your needs." They would then send application guidance home if they kept kicking off... 🤣 He was a good egg!

I would be getting your manager every time the parent tries to speak to you. "I apologise that you're not satisfied that I have acted in a professional manner, please wait while I get my manager as I am no longer comfortable speaking to you about these things." The longer you take to do this, the better(!) Inconvenience both parties - you'd be amazed by how quickly it can fizzle out if you do this.

Don't quit though! It implies they were right and terrible people like that should never feel validated.

How much longer will her child be in your room before moving to the next one? Can't be long and then you will be free of her. It's likely not personal.

I’m very sorry to hear this mum has no grip on reality. Every second kid at my toddler’s daycare seems to cry when they see mum or dad come to pick them up (tears of relief or just feeling emotional - who knows).

This woman sounds like a bully talking about you to others. Your manager needs to step it up and defend you to this woman. If your manager is not doing that then I would look for another role.

Firstly, I find it really odd that you’re in a room by yourself. At the nursery my sons go to they have 2 in the room at all times regardless of ratios. This is for safeguarding and their protection, they always have a witness if accusations (like yours) start being made. My sons are often the last to be picked up so they’ll be the only ones in their rooms (they’re in different rooms - baby room and 3-5 room) but there will still always be 2 staff members with them, one of them might be tidying up whilst the other is playing with my child but there will always be 2.

Secondly, she obviously thinks her child is the most important in the room and must be dealt with first. The manager needs to manage her expectations really but it doesn’t sound like she’s going to. But also some of the parents issues wouldn’t actually be an issue if you weren’t lone working.

Another one horrified by there only being one member of staff in the baby room. Surely that's not allowed? There is absolutely no safeguard there, either for the babies or you.