Parent at nursery has taken a dislike to me

[Sausagerolls4]

I'm not sure if this is the best place to ask for advice but here goes.

I work in a nursery and have done for the last 3.5 years. I'm based in the baby room and it's normally only me in there unless we go over ratio.

A new baby (11 months) recently started with us. He comes 3 days a week so it's taken a bit longer for him to settle. He still cries when mum drops him off in the morning and sometimes during the day if he's tired but he is normally fine once settled and will get involved with the other babies and play.

It seems (or so I think) that his mum has taken a huge dislike to me. I think it's because she expects us to provide 1-1 attention which unfortunately we're unable to do in a nursery setting, although we do try our best. She's complained about me twice. The first time was because he started crying when she picked him up. I was sat with him but needed to change another child's nappy and when I got up he was hysterical so I put him into a bouncer with a blanket and teddies which calmed him down. He was happy sitting in there watching us but his mum walked in a few minutes later and he started crying once he noticed her. I explained this and tried to reassure her that he'd be fine but she still complained to my manager.

The 2nd time wasn't a complaint per se, but she asked my manager if I was having personal problems because I seemed really down and quiet when she dropped him off one morning.
She's also made comments about how he's come home filthy and in soiled nappies. I don't see how as we always check before they're picked up so it must have happened in the car. We are a small chain of nurseries and she knows some of the ladies who work in the other nursery and has made comments about me to them (they've told me).

It's started to make feel really uncomfortable in work and I'm not sure how to proceed. I've spoken to my manager about it and she's even admitted that it seems like she has something against me. Obviously my manager can't say anything because she's a customer but it's really starting to get me down and make me feel nervous in work. I've never had this issue before with a parent and I'm starting to wonder if I should just resign and look for another job.

Given the shortage of nursery places and the demand for them I wouldn’t be too worried about her pulling him out, the place will get filled ASAP/she won’t be able
to get another one quickly.

If she wants 1:1 attention she needs to hire a nanny.

I’d make a point of saying before she takes him, can you just check his nappy is clean as I changed him 10 minutes ago etc. That way she can’t say it happened on your watch.

Also he’ll move up to the next room eventually and she won’t be your issue.

I wouldn’t leave your job. You sound like you’re good at it. Unfortunately there are horrible people out there. Your manager should have your back and offer more support. I think she’s just an anxious mum and if she wants 100% 1:1 care she should look after her own baby.

Ignore her. And try to get your manager on your side more. Can your manager agree to stop having the baby? If questioned then they can reference the complaints and say it's best for both parties to terminate.

Ahh don’t leave, the baby will have grown attached to you - be the professional you are - they grow so fast and baby will soon be out of the ‘baby room’ and will miss you I’m sure …

Firstly, I would ask for a documented meeting to protect yourself with your Manager as she should have your back. Secondly, I would question why the child cries when he sees his mother when otherwise happy and then obviously poops on way home in the car - is there something else going on with this mother as that smacks of a scared baby? She could also be making him cry when handing him over - check his clothes for small sharp objects you might otherwise miss. Takes photos of clean baby on handover on personal phone. Is there no CCTV in the room that can help you. 3.5 years of caring for babies is a long time in one place with no record of wrong - your Manager is out of order for not having your back. Highly possible this mother is having mental health issues so this needs to be addressed sooner rather than later for the sake of the child.

Those saying about her working alone it surely will depend on the building layout, it may not be an actual separate room. My youngest child's nursery was a very small setting and was all open plan with different areas for baby "room", toddler "room", preschool "room". There were low partition walls and gates between each area but that was it. It was only a little setting in terms of total numbers of kids and worked really well.

Yes if they're completely alone in a four walled baby room that could be a worry but it might not be set up that way.

OP your manager needs to tackle this a bit more robustly with this parent. Asking her in to discuss what's happening, and being there at handovers etc.

Does mum get to see pics of baby playing happily? Do they get logs of nappy changes and feeds etc? I know communication levels vary wildly between settings but hopefully photos and info could help ease her concerns and also protect you too.

What do you mean by allowed? Lots of people in childcare and education work alone.

You can't please everyone all the time. As long as YOU are confident you are doing your job well, to the best of your ability, then I'd just brush it off. Soon enough the child will age out & go into the toddler room. Kill mum with kindness.

With multiple babies? What happens when one needs to be taken for a nappy change?

Changing table in the room. What do you think childminders do?

Don’t resign over this one parent! I presume she is a first time mum who maybe isn’t aware of seperation anxiety? My little one started at childcare around 11 months and has in hysterics all day. It took him 6 months to fully settle and even now at 20 months he still cries every time I drop him off but settles once he is in and I get pictures of him playing and having a good time.

would it be worth having a sit down with the mum and your manager to go through her concerns and how the child’s day looks when she isn’t there?

To be honest, if I was the mum and I felt my child wasn’t being looked after to my liking I would start looking elsewhere for them to go. If your manager is happy with you, and no other complaints then this mum needs to find alternative arrangements (I know easier said than done!)

I hope it get resolved, but keep in your job if you enjoy it! Honestly find it amazing how people can look after others children as it can be so hard and it would be a shame to loose someone to the profession because of one parent.

This is really your manager’s job to deal with. Explain to them it is making you nervous of caring for the child. They should support you. In fact I’d say that ifthere are any more comments/complaints yoir manager should be having a word with this parent.

Is it her first child? Might she be struggling with leaving him?
As a Mum that’s done nursery 3 times, if you use an app, maybe get some pictures of him at his happiest to reassure her.
Other than that, I’d remember it’s one parent. You’re clearly doing a good job, and so I think it’s more her issue than yours x

Why only yourself in with the babies? Surely you should have someone working with you?

If the baby is 11 months, will they not be moving up rooms at age 1?

Don't resign but there should be more than one member of staff due to safe guarding. Surely that means there's only 3 babies?

My 25 year old daughter works in a nursery. Most parents love her. But some have unreasonable expectations or dislike being given advice by someone younger and she has been really upset too. I think you need to stay firm and let management sort it out. They could give this child a different key worker if things continue like this. I'm sure the nursery doesn't want to lose you.

Please don’t do this! Taking photos on a personal phone could get you in way more trouble and breach DP and safeguarding policy 🤦🏻‍♀️ Agree with getting a meeting to discuss formally with your manager tho!

Isn't the ratio 1:3? are there only 3 babies in the nursery? Definitely don't ever take photos on a personal phone! Terrible advice. I'd wait it out OP, if she's really unhappy with your care then she'd be mad to leave her precious baby with you so she obviously can't dislike you that much.

it is obviously guilt as she realises you are not able to give her what a parent could give in terms of 1-2-1 care, attention and affection. But it’s her problem. This is what happens when you outsource childcare.

Don't be changing a job you like for the sake of one person. Your manager Can say something or do something like being present at collection/ drop off times for a while. Many parents however like to think only their child should get the attention of the staff. Just make sure you are always inside the legal ratio of staff to children, particilularly in the baby room.

It isn't good practice to be alone in a nursery, it leaves you open to any accusations that may just come from a personal vendetta - but also what happens if you have a major first aid incident? Who calls for help while you start treatment?

Absolutely insane advice.

It's also totally normal for babies to cry when they see the parent return. It reminds them that they left in the first place. That shouldn't raise any concern at all, and the parent should be reassured by that (by the manager, in this instance, as it doesn't sound like she'll listen to OP!)