Ending friendships over this comment

[AristoMat]

Hi, I’m feeling really disgusted about this so thought I’d get some opinions.
I have 4 very close friends, tbh I don’t fully fit in but they sr generally lovely people. They are all very slim attractive women (with at least 2 children each), all able to work part time and send their children to private school. I work full time, as does my DH and we live in a nice area but definitely no private schools.
I WFH on a Wednesday and decided to meet them all for a coffee on my early lunch, most of their children are now on summer holidays as the local Indy schools tend to wrap up very early. So all the kids except mine and one others were there and could hear the conversation.
1 friend has 2 little girls and her life is like a Pinterest board, she’s quite aesthetic focused, she is also a teacher at an all girls private school. They were talking about who the kids teachers will be next year and this friend said “A has Mrs X next year and I’m so glad as the other teacher for her year is so fat” she went on to say she doesn’t think “fat” people should be allowed to work with children as it sets a bad example and we wouldn’t let addicts or alcoholics work with children!!!
Now to say I was flabbergasted is an understatement. This friend is a perfect size 6 of course but I’d attribute that mainly to the Pilates classes and weekly tennis matched with portion sizes that wouldn’t fill my 6 year old!!
I said I disagreed but the other 3 seemed to just agree!
Now I’m not skinny, I’m a 12-14 and tbh it felt quite offensive!
I know lots of lovely teachers of all shapes and sizes, and she is of course a teacher herself - imagine thinking this about your colleagues??!

AIBU to end the friendship over this, not just with her but all of them since they seemed to agree?

You need to get new friends ! They must be extremely boring.

I’d be more concerned about her teaching children whilst holding biased and damaging views about bodies.

I couldn’t maintain a friendship with her either, she sounds awful.

I kind of agree with her about people with drug and alcohol problems, unless they are well managed. Saying that, I’m sure there were several teachers at my old secondary school who liked a good drink and seemed to stink of it. Didn’t affect their teaching ability.

Overweight people, no, that was an incredibly short sighted and judgemental thing to say and saying it within earshot of children is terrible. If this was a one off comment I’d probably not end the friendship over it- although I would challenge her about it. If she’s always making disciminatory comments I’m afraid I’d have to bin her

These people sound monumentally stupid. Are you saying this aspect of them has never emerged before? And I don’t think we need any of the backstory about private schools and Pilates.

One ridiculous comment - well I would certainly take note of 'who they are' and lower my expectations accordingly. Long-term I doubt I would enjoy their company enough to spend my time on a friendship with people like that (they sound vacuous and tedious), but it depends on the bigger picture.

Sounds like your ex wanted you healthy and not ultra skinny ... Admittedly he could have gone about it differently but valid point perhaps

Yikes. My big mouth would have said 'wth is wrong with you. Are you that shallow that you can't see someone's value past their weight'. Probably would have left in disgust.

This is horrible. You're obviously a lovely person and I wonder how you ended up with friends like this? Time to move on.

How thin is the requirement to be a good teacher, I've yet to see it on advertisements for teachers female or male?

So a size 6 teacher who barely eats and is so judgemental IS a good example to children? ????? All sounds very pretentious. Personally I would be keeping my distance from someone who is so publicly derisive. Wouldn't want them teaching my kids either.

This. My friend who has an eating disorder holds similar views.

OP, it's so sad that they think that. It is truly horrific to be that judgemental. Other peoples' bodies are none of anyone else's business!

Your friend sounds vile. People are overweight for a variety of reasons and not always within their control but so what if this teacher is fat because she eats all the cake; this stuff doesn't affect her teaching ability.

You can find nicer friends, you seem an empathetic person OP.

So being fat is a bad example to children... but clearly it's ok in her opinion to teach her girls that they need to be skinny !! Great parenting!! Great example to the girls!! Ram "thin" body image down their throats while they're young. I'm sure this "friend" of yours will blame everyone but herself for her daughters' future eating disorders. Don't be like the others who just keep quiet and let her spout her vile diatribe. You don't need friends like that. She clearly isn't a happy person and she certainly isn't nice. Bin the bitches off !!!!!

Possibly voicing her own insecurities or possibly a dig at you. She sounds pig ignorant and very affected.

Likewise.
If only wanted friends who were like me it would be like living in an echo chamber.

She's a shallow judgemental prejudiced person.

Handsome is as handsome does, and she sounds ugly.

Only what the OP describes isn’t a ‘view’, but an unpleasant prejudice. If you can’t distinguish between them, maybe acquire some friends to educate you.

You say the others seemed to agree - it might be that they just didn’t want to argue with a woman who teaches at their kids’ school. Who obviously is a bitch.

On the other hand, you put a lot of text in the OP about private school, Pinterest etc - which shows that your issue with them is far more than the fat comment.

why don’t you just be unavailable for the next meet up or two and see how you feel.

I wouldn't end a friendship over this, but sounds like a rather shallow / vapid group that I likely wouldn't been keen to hang out with anyway!

I think the friendship ending is more about realising that her friend is a dickhead, not just because they have ‘different views’.

This!

Oh my God!!

You said you disagree. Possibly, she could be thinking about ending the friendship with you? If you remain friends, you'll both have to move on and never mention it again. If you decide you really do have very different values, then you should distance yourself for a while. Be polite, be yourself, be the person you want your children look up to.

I just want to say size 12-14 is not fat. It's normal.

It doesn’t sound as if you have much in common with these women.