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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Child party dilemma

64 replies

Whistledown1005 · 09/07/2024 15:38

It's an awkward one. 2 parties on the same day.
1st invite was handed out a few weeks ago. This boy is friends with DS. However the party is an activity DS doesn't like and there are a couple people attending who are a bit mean to DS.
2nd party invite handed out yesterday. DS likes the party activity and gets on well with the girl. He would be the only boy attending though.

He wants to go to the 2nd party. I had already said yes to the 1st party a week or so ago but DS does not want to go now the other invite has been handed out. What makes it awkward is I'm good friends with the 1st party child's mum.

So I'm not sure on what to say to her? I don't want to be rude but how do I word it without offending her.

OP posts:
Marmite27 · 09/07/2024 15:40

Oh I’m sorry we’re busy that day/time, X was invited to Y’s party.

It’s easy.

Homesweethome23 · 09/07/2024 15:43

Are the parties at the same time? Could he not go to both?

Original poster
Whistledown1005 · 09/07/2024 15:43

Homesweethome23 · 09/07/2024 15:43

Are the parties at the same time? Could he not go to both?

Yes at same time, so that can't be an option

OP posts:
Newnamesameoldlurker · 09/07/2024 15:44

I think he has to go to the first party if you've rsvpd yes and he's been counted in numbers

LittleCarrot12 · 09/07/2024 15:46

I think if you have already said yes to party 1 you need to see it though.

Kyros · 09/07/2024 15:46

I would keep the commitment he's already made. Be honest with the second child's mum that he'd have loved to come but sorry, he has a prior commitment.

Comedycook · 09/07/2024 15:46

I'd say he should go to the first party. You have already said you would so it's bad form to go back on that.

Lincoln24 · 09/07/2024 15:46

I'd say he has to go to the first party. Just explain to him it's bad manners to cancel the first acceptance just because he's received what he perceived as a better offer. Unfortunately life goes like that sometimes. You being friends with the mum is neither here nor there.

NevergonnagiveHughup · 09/07/2024 15:46

Here’s where you give DS a life lesson.

You’ve accepted party A, so suck it up.

Don’t be one of those flaky parents who bails at the sign of a better offer - and you OP then tries to justify it.

pinkchristmaspudding · 09/07/2024 15:47

When are the parties? If it's soon I would be inclined to go to the first one.

If over 2 weeks away I would give apologies to the first and go to the second. They're unlikely to have confirmed numbers for any catering etc with a while still to go.

redskydarknight · 09/07/2024 15:47

If they are close enough to get between them quickly, can you go to half of each party? I've seen lots of parents do that.

SpikeyDee · 09/07/2024 15:47

Definitely stick with the first regardless, but even more so if you’re friends with the mum in the 1st party. I’d be pretty unhappy if a friend of mine ditched my kid’s party because they had a better offer.

Homesweethome23 · 09/07/2024 15:47

Did your son know you had replied yes to the first invite when it was activity he didn’t like and with kids he wasn’t keen on?

Gape · 09/07/2024 15:49

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

pinkchristmaspudding · 09/07/2024 15:50

NevergonnagiveHughup · 09/07/2024 15:46

Here’s where you give DS a life lesson.

You’ve accepted party A, so suck it up.

Don’t be one of those flaky parents who bails at the sign of a better offer - and you OP then tries to justify it.

I agree with the point of being a flaky parent but I don't think it's fair to make a child go to a party he doesn't want to go to. Especially if he's worried about other children there being mean to him.

SpikeyDee · 09/07/2024 15:50

pinkchristmaspudding · 09/07/2024 15:50

I agree with the point of being a flaky parent but I don't think it's fair to make a child go to a party he doesn't want to go to. Especially if he's worried about other children there being mean to him.

Show quote history

Except he was quite happy to go as they RSVP yes. If he had always said no the first one that would be different.

Original poster
Whistledown1005 · 09/07/2024 15:51

Homesweethome23 · 09/07/2024 15:47

Did your son know you had replied yes to the first invite when it was activity he didn’t like and with kids he wasn’t keen on?

Yea he knew

OP posts:
Original poster
Whistledown1005 · 09/07/2024 15:53

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

There's 1 particular child who is actually awful. The last party my DS went to this boy ruined the whole party by his behaviour. He charged at my DS and tried to push him over. This particular activity they are doing is also something highly competitive and I don't envisage it going well

OP posts:
WiseBiscuit · 09/07/2024 15:53

If he was happy to go to the activity he doesn’t like with kids he doesn’t like to start with then he doesn’t get to change his mind.

It’s a good life lesson.

Halfemptyhalfling · 09/07/2024 15:54

Would the first boy be upset if your ds doesn't go? Or will he not really be missed? If the latter and you are good friends with the mum, perhaps say to the mum "ds is not keen on (activity) we were thinking it might be nice if X came to play/ or we go for an outing instead."

pinkchristmaspudding · 09/07/2024 15:54

@SpikeyDee so never in your life have you changed your mind for a more preferred option?

Original poster
Whistledown1005 · 09/07/2024 15:55

SpikeyDee · 09/07/2024 15:50

Except he was quite happy to go as they RSVP yes. If he had always said no the first one that would be different.

Show quote history

I had no rsvp as was unsure about the activity and children as I knew DS would not be very keen and I had mentioned it to DS in passing about the party he said a casual yea. Then the friend approached me and asked and I just said yea as felt on the spot

OP posts:
craigth162 · 09/07/2024 15:56

Whistledown1005 · 09/07/2024 15:53

There's 1 particular child who is actually awful. The last party my DS went to this boy ruined the whole party by his behaviour. He charged at my DS and tried to push him over. This particular activity they are doing is also something highly competitive and I don't envisage it going well

Show quote history

You are trying to make excuses why its now ok to say no. It isnt. Its rude. If he didnt want to go should have said no from start.

Original poster
Whistledown1005 · 09/07/2024 15:56

pinkchristmaspudding · 09/07/2024 15:54

@SpikeyDee so never in your life have you changed your mind for a more preferred option?

I know I have changed my mind of events etc in the past

OP posts:
Wendysfriend · 09/07/2024 15:57

Personally I find it strange to accept a party invite to an activity your child doesn't like and especially with kids that are mean to him.

I get he's friends with the child and you friends with the mother, but if the kids are mean to him I couldn't put him through that. There's nothing to be learned from being bullied.

If it were me I wouldn't go to any and take your ds out for the day yourself, then arrange with your friend an afternoon with the two boys, maybe cinema or something they enjoy to celebrate the birthday.