Child party dilemma

[Whistledown1005]

It's an awkward one. 2 parties on the same day.
1st invite was handed out a few weeks ago. This boy is friends with DS. However the party is an activity DS doesn't like and there are a couple people attending who are a bit mean to DS.
2nd party invite handed out yesterday. DS likes the party activity and gets on well with the girl. He would be the only boy attending though.

He wants to go to the 2nd party. I had already said yes to the 1st party a week or so ago but DS does not want to go now the other invite has been handed out. What makes it awkward is I'm good friends with the 1st party child's mum.

So I'm not sure on what to say to her? I don't want to be rude but how do I word it without offending her.

I'd message the first party people and say ds has had some issues with one of the children going since you both spoke. With regret you'll have to decline and off we to pay for his spot.

Only way out I think

Do the kids at Party 2 overlap in any way with the ones at Party 1?

I agree with the posters who have said it will not come across well if he backs out of Party 1 at this stage but if he doesn't get along with at least 3 of the kids at this party, I'd make my excuses now (knowing who is at the party).
"Hi Party 1 Mum - I'm sorry for the short notice but we've just learned that X, Y and Z have been invited to the party you're having for your DS. My DS and these boys are not on great terms at the moment so in order to keep the peace we will drop a gift off for your DS on the morning of the party but unfortunately DS won't be able to go to the party any more. So sorry for mucking you around on this."

Might that be an option for you?

Tell mum number 1 that unfortunately your boy can't attend now as another child attending has been bullying him and the thought of spending time with the bully is upsetting him.

You'd probably have to pick him up early anyway. It's not the mum's fault at all but it can't be allowed to happen.

Tell mum number 1 you've arranged something else for your boy that day, but he'd love to see birthday child another time and give him a present.

You teach your child that you can't just ditch one friend in favour of something else when something they deem a better offer comes along.
You've accepted their party invitation, they'll have probably factored you into the numbers and deposit per head paid.
YABU

Exactly, he wanted to go before the other one turned up.

So he was happy to go even tho the activity is one he doesnt like / what is it

Till 2nd party invite appeared

You can not cancel party 1, if you have accepted already, it is really poor form.

You could however say that you have spoken to your child and he isn't sure about the activity and so therefore you think it might be best to withdraw him as you wouldn't want the party child to have his party compromised (which is true as it is annoying when other children put a downer on someone's party activity - this happened to us repeatedly) I would make sure I gave the party 1 child a present and a card the same as before, and thank them for the invite.

Then you are free to go to party 2. You tell your son going forward he must consider carefully before accepting future party invites when the activities or the other children are not nice for him.

I know of ADULTS that do this, accept an invite and then pass it over for something better and it really is a foul character flaw.

If YOU said yes to party 1 without DS's input then let him go to party 2 because it's unfair that he misses out because you're a people pleaser, but be prepared to give a grovelly apology to party 1 chid's mum, offer to cover his place and for her to think you're rude, because it is.

If DS wanted to go to party 1, knowing the kids he doesn't like would be there, until he had a better offer then tough luck, sorry, he has to go.

How would you like it if you'd paid £££ for DS birthday based on lots of his friends going, then they started dropping out because they'd got a better offer? Both in terms of the cost to you and your DS' disappointment?

A casual yea is him saying he wanted to go to party 1, so he should go. If he was so upset about last years party, he would've said a casual no.

You might say well adults change their minds, which they do, but it's rude and no one likes it.

So teach him better than that.

You’re not a people pleaser. You haven’t pleased your son.
You’re a doormat who put your own desire to avoid a 30sec uncomfortable conversation above the wishes of your child.
This situation is your fault. Why would you make your child go to a party that you know he a) doesn’t like the activity and b) is likely to have a negative interaction with his bully? why would you even say yes in the first place?

Tell mum 1 that you’d love to arrange a 1:1 playdate to celebrate her child’s bday but that you’d double booked/hadn’t realized bully child was invited/insert excuse.
There are times to teach the lesson of honoring your commitments but this is a case of your child being made to honor a commitment that they didn’t make.

Sorry - I spoke to Son after i excepted the invite and he really isnt interested in that activity and afew of the boys in the group bully son, so he reallly isnt keen
im sorry

And if you can afford it - I understand its late notice, if you have already paid for his place, i will give you the money next time i see you

Sorry again

Don’t send this.

he needs to go to the first party. You don’t cancel someone for a better offer (unless you want to end up with no mates).