Child party dilemma

[Whistledown1005]

It's an awkward one. 2 parties on the same day.
1st invite was handed out a few weeks ago. This boy is friends with DS. However the party is an activity DS doesn't like and there are a couple people attending who are a bit mean to DS.
2nd party invite handed out yesterday. DS likes the party activity and gets on well with the girl. He would be the only boy attending though.

He wants to go to the 2nd party. I had already said yes to the 1st party a week or so ago but DS does not want to go now the other invite has been handed out. What makes it awkward is I'm good friends with the 1st party child's mum.

So I'm not sure on what to say to her? I don't want to be rude but how do I word it without offending her.

When are the parties? If at least a week away if decline the first, giving your reasons stated here and attend the second.

if this weekend say, I think you’d need to suck it up.

It's unfortunate but a bit of a life lesson. It's often a good idea to let party invites mellow for a few days before RSVP'ing especially if the child is unsure. Obviously hindsight is a wonderful thing. In this instance though as the original invite has been accepted I would still attend the first party. You could suggest to parent of the girl that you could have her over for a playdate or take them out for a treat instead? That way he gets to spend time with her to celebrate her birthday and is a good compromise.

The mean boy might end up at the second party!

you can’t drop out of party 1, the poor child if a load of kids drop out in favour of party 2.

You go to the party that you've already rsvp'd to.

To drop out would be very rude.

I remember people doing this to my kids. Accepting an invitation and then cancelling for a better offer. I thought it was bloody rude and they were never invited again.

If you're good friends with mum 1 just explain DS has got upset that you RSVP without telling him and he actually doesn't like that activity and is worried about being bullied by the nasty boy. But I probably wouldn't let him go to the other party either and just take him somewhere else for the day.

But if you said yes to Party A then a space for your DS has been paid for.

The party host has no idea that your DS doesn't like the activity or the kids.

If he doesn't want to go to party A, he wouldn't be going to party B instead.

If party invite number 2 had never come would he still be going to party 1 even though you're concerned about the people and activity. If the answer is yes (which I suspect it is), then you should commit to party 1.

But DS doesn't actually like the activity, sounds like Mom said yes because she's friendly with the other Mom not because DS wanted to really go.

Is it the same friendship group / class? Will your friend know this other invite came second?
If not I'd apologise and say you hadn't realised you'd double booked.
If she will, then I'd be honest and say given the two, he prefers X activity and is worried about some of the other children going to the first party but you're giving him his own choice and he's chosen the second one.

So why say yes?

You say to her, ‘so sorry, DS would have loved that but we have a commitment that day.’

It's not this weekend but next

He's not been invited to party 2

In that case surely you wouldn't accept the invitation in the first place

"Thanks again for inviting DS to [child's name]'s party, we really appreciate it. I know we RSVP'd, but DS has since received another invite for the same day. Knowing there are a couple of kids attending the first party who DS hasn't had the best experiences with in the past, he's feeling a bit apprehensive, and that coupled with his excitement for [second party's activity], he's told me he's really hoping to attend that one instead. I understand this is a big inconvenience, and I'm truly sorry to be a pain. Can I make it up to you with wine/babysitting duties/other bribe? I know I owe you big time."

It sounds as though you shouldn't have said yes to party 1 in the first place. Now you have you shouldn't be ditching it for a better offer.

If you hadn’t had the second invite would your child have attended the first party ? If the answer is yes then that is the party you go to .

If you've already been invited and agreed to go to Party 1 then you go to Party 1.

It would be exceptionally rude to drop out now something "better" has come along.

If you're going to drop out then you will need to be honest with mum of party 1 and say that he would rather go to party 2. If you're not willing to be honest then stick with party 1.

Going off assuming you would be pretty pissed off if someone didn’t attend your child’s party, after promising they would, because they got a better offer. You would have to politely decline the second invite.

Don't do it.
It's rude and believe me will not be worth the likely shit show fall out.
I've seen it happen. It was ugly!
So not worth it.

I'd probably buy the first kid a present but maybe leave it a few days and (especially if your child is quite young) say he's been sad for a few days; I'm really sorry but... but not if it's last minute.

It sounds like you think your son should switch parties and are looking for someone to agree...I think this shows you know you should really stick with the first party. At the end of the day it's not a huge issue so if you really want to switch do it but tell party 1 in good time. Bit crap for birthday child 1 who probably knows your DS said yes then has decided to go to a different party mind.

Don’t do this, you might as well write @I know we said we were coming but X is having a much better party so
we’re going there instead”.

I think rude to ditch a party when you've already said yes because you've got a better offer. You don't seem to have minded your child going with the mean boy and activity he didn't like before the better offer came along?

Tbh I still wasn't sure about 1st party that's why I didn't rsvp. I shouldn't have said yes to the 1st. I am a bit of a people pleaser 🙈