To be upset with SIL & MIL re pregnancy announcement

[Longstop]

DH and I have been unsuccessfully TTC for years and recently started our 1st round of IVF. We told immediate family about this, as we have a close relationship and wanted their support. Sadly we found out the news that the cycle was unsuccessful and we were devastated. Soon after we told family. 4 days after this, SIL announced her own pregnancy on our family group chat. Despite knowing what had happened with our IVF, she didn’t speak to us beforehand privately to give us the heads up, and I felt blindsided. Later in the day, MIL said how ecstatic she was that one of her children was FINALLY making her a grandmother…which really hurt.

I told DH how upset I was about the way SIL had made her announcement, which felt insensitive so close to our own news, and how I was further hurt by MIL’s comment.

DH thinks I’m massively overreacting due to hormones from the IVF. AIBU to feel hurt and to want to speak to SIL and MIL about this?

Hi OP,

I'm really sorry that your round of IVF was unsuccessful. Wishing you all the best with your journey.

Speaking from experience, I think k being told via WhatsApp was probably the best thing (even if it may not feel like it) as at least you could react privately. After a miscarriage and difficulty conceiving, I aas told of a few family pregnancies in person...and it qas the hardest thing ever to keep it together and not burst into tears. I'd have much preferred to have received a text so I could process it and come to terms with my own feelings etc privately. However, I appreciate everyone is different and this may not have been better for you.

Your MIL was incredibly insensitive. I think in time your DH needs to have a conversation with her about this.

I’m so sorry your ivf cycle was unsuccessful @Longstop I’ve been dealing with multiple miscarriages recently, and had a family member text me their pregnancy news privately, and I still felt really blind sided even though I knew they were trying. I felt jealous & sad and still struggling with it. So I think whether she texted you privately or in the group, I think the way you would feel from the news would be the same ❤️
The comment from your MIL is awful though, and I would find it hard to not saying anything to her about how mean & thoughtless it was

What a strange sweeping generalisation. You sound lovely 🙄

Nothing that ever has happened to me or will ever allow me not to be happy, having a baby is not just for the announcement

Maybe social media is to blame but I can,have bad things and still be happy for others

I think mil's comment was clumsy and thoughtless and borne from excitement and enthusiasm. I don't think it was intended as accusatory or personal to you.

Uck. Just one of those things...she won't have meant it the way you've taken it but it's easy to see why you did. x

This seems a bit unfair. If your husband has just died and then someone announced they are getting married 2 days later in the family chat it would be classed as distasteful.

Giving someone room to grieve doesn’t mean they won’t be happy for you. But they can be sad and need to cry / be happy for someone at the same time.

OP will be happy for her SIL she’s just sad for herself and it’s really hard to convey those emotions / for people to understand if you haven’t experienced this.

I wasn’t with you until I read what MIL wrote, totally unfair of her