Page 3 | Go Fund Me

letsgoooo · 2024-07-09T07:33:00+00:00

AIBU to question why so many people set up Gofund me pages when someone dies? I get it they died overseas with no insurance or if the family are broke and can't afford a funeral but what's with the raising tens of thousands for no hardship reasons? Is this a peculiar trend?

yhk · 09/07/2024 11:53

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BeautifulLyrics · 09/07/2024 12:08

I think certain go fund mes seem cheeky, but no one is forced to give anything, so I don't see the problem really. Just ignore them if you don't like them, like I do with most of them.

Downtoyou · 09/07/2024 12:13

Levelinguperased · 09/07/2024 09:46

I sympathise but disagree. It should be used for people who can't afford a funeral. They said they could afford the funeral themselves and the government would have paid anyway so am guessing the charities weren't first and it was a far more lavish funeral then it would have been otherwise.

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Actually, my son did not have a more lavish funeral!! The extras not paid for by the government were food at the wake (got the venue for free as they are friends of ours) one small flower arrangement to go over the coffin and it covered a livestream for friends abroad. That is it. Please get off your high horse, not everybody is out for themselves. My son's funeral was made by the people that were there, over 300, not by materialistic things. We have donated over 90% of the funds to charity. People have the choice over whether or not they want to donate and we are so very grateful to them that they did.

Thank you for those with their lovely comments, it really is the hardest thing to lose a child, I just can't believe there are people out there who begrudge us being able to donate money in my son's memory, unbelievable!

littleapplecottage · 09/07/2024 12:13

Ohfuckwhatdoidonow · 09/07/2024 10:21

I always thought this but my daughters friend has just died.
14 years of age. Who plans for that?
The family consist of mum who does a lot for others and a sibling.
The most practical thing those of us who aren't really close, but are thinking what a terrible, earth shattering event this must be, can do is relieve some of the financial pressures that they will be facing.

I honestly cannot understand the notion of knowing someone has lost a person very close to them, and begrudging the community around them helping them at this time.
Sure, there are government funds, but you know what? I'd rather no one actually had the misfortune of going through the process of applying whilst grieving, instead isn't it kinder for the bereaved if people who loved them and the deceased helped out?

That's a very good way of putting it.

littleapplecottage · 09/07/2024 12:15

@tinydaisies memes aren't the most sophisticated way of communicating so maybe try to use your words instead?

Downtoyou · 09/07/2024 12:20

Serencwtch · 09/07/2024 09:51

I would have thought people felt they had to donate so as not to cause you offence.

A friend of mine lost her son & when people asked what they could do she said to give your DC a hug & do something fun in his memory whilst making memories of your own. I thought that was so lovely & brave of her - it would have been easy to ask for cash for a bench/flower pot/balloon release etc

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So I am not a lovely or brave person because my sister set up a page which has helped with funeral costs and the vast majority has gone to charity?? Do you not think that I have also asked my son's friend's and family to do the same?? There are all sorts of things going on in my son's memory that don't include giving money to charity.

Honestly, be grateful this hasn't happened to you!

PlipPlapPlop · 09/07/2024 12:25

The fact that that was even written in response to your post! 😤

Downtoyou · 09/07/2024 12:29

PlipPlapPlop · 09/07/2024 12:25

The fact that that was even written in response to your post! 😤

I know, some people have no compassion. Luckily my real life friends have been incredible!!

PlipPlapPlop · 09/07/2024 12:30

❤️ I don’t believe for a minute most people’s attitudes are like that.

Starkinni · 09/07/2024 12:35

In some cases I have known of it’s to enable a grieving parent/partner to take extended compassionate leave and still be able to pay the bills. I manage a man whose baby was still born at 38 weeks. Our HR team said he could have 4 days paid compassionate leave. I fudged it as much as I could without attracting attention so that he could take more time.

CuloGrande · 09/07/2024 12:46

I don’t see the problem, usually it’s set up by family friends. People die and friends want to help which is understandable. There are also things to consider like the families expenses with taking time off work. If people want to offer a few quid as a small help then I don’t mind.
i do disagree with go fund me for other stupid causes though. Locally an allotment shed caught fire over the weekend and they’ve set up a £1k fund to replace it - stating it was full of sentimental items and photos. 🙄🙄🙄

SchoolQuestionnaire · 09/07/2024 13:15

Downtoyou · 09/07/2024 12:13

Actually, my son did not have a more lavish funeral!! The extras not paid for by the government were food at the wake (got the venue for free as they are friends of ours) one small flower arrangement to go over the coffin and it covered a livestream for friends abroad. That is it. Please get off your high horse, not everybody is out for themselves. My son's funeral was made by the people that were there, over 300, not by materialistic things. We have donated over 90% of the funds to charity. People have the choice over whether or not they want to donate and we are so very grateful to them that they did.

Thank you for those with their lovely comments, it really is the hardest thing to lose a child, I just can't believe there are people out there who begrudge us being able to donate money in my son's memory, unbelievable!

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Please don’t take any notice of this sort of comment. It’s easy to judge when you haven’t been through it. Most people don’t think like this.

I’m very sorry for your loss.

KTheGrey · 09/07/2024 13:34

tinydaisies · 09/07/2024 08:40

There should be some sort of fund from the state.

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There is but it isn't £6k or a decent send off.

TheShellBeach · 09/07/2024 13:37

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What a nasty comment.

dogoverman · 09/07/2024 14:07

@Levelinguperased what an incredibly unpleasant comment

dogoverman · 09/07/2024 14:10

@Serencwtch I am not sure why you would post something so unpleasant to someone who has been bereaved
@Downtoyou so sorry for your loss I can't imagine why people feel the need to make unnecessary comments

PassingStranger · 09/07/2024 14:16

I totally agree , everyone just goes to go fund me these days.
I have a friend who wanted to raise money for a child years ago. Reasons not going to divulge.
They put real effort in
They put on a concert did the leg work , engagedwith people got people on board etc.
It was a lovely effort and coming together.
These days probably people would just go online. It's not the same.

thecatsarecrazy · 09/07/2024 14:23

Because they want a funeral with all bells and whistles but expect some other mug to pay.
You can have a direct cremation for £1200. I've told my kids don't waste any money on a funeral. I'll be dead I don't care. I loved my dad but he had me, my brother and his 3 grandchildren, the rest of the family couldn't give a shit and he passed away just before Christmas so I had a direct cremation and his ashes are with me. No point spending 1000s for the same result. People have no shame and are entitled. If you want stuff pay for it but they want it and panhandle

Original poster

letsgoooo · 09/07/2024 15:37

PlipPlapPlop · 09/07/2024 08:39

It’s just cost us £6000 to bury FIL. I’d imagine if you can’t get your hands on that kind of money it would be awful 🤷🏼‍♀️

As I said in my OP. If it's to cost costs you can't afford that's one thing. But tens of thousands?

OP posts:

Original poster

letsgoooo · 09/07/2024 15:39

Downtoyou · 09/07/2024 09:09

My son died in April, he was 13 and had a short illness with cancer.

Lots of people asked how they could help us so my sister set up a Just Giving account and I was blown away by how much money it raised. The money covered his funeral and then we were able to donate money to the charities in my son's memory. I still have some left and will use it towards a friendship bench for his memorial garden at the school.

We could have paid for his funeral ourselves, children's funerals are paid for for by the government, apart from extras like flowers and video recordings. but we wouldn't have been able to donate large amounts to charity. I think people feel happy that they could donate and feel like they have done something for our son.

I haven't heard of any criticism for doing this and it saddens me to think that people would.

That's lovely as it was money raised for charity. That's completely dodgy from what I am talking about.

OP posts:

Original poster

letsgoooo · 09/07/2024 15:42

@FTPM1980

But I don't normally support the overseas ones unless there are extenuating circumstances....if you could afford to go abroad you can afford insurance.
I guess the point is they didn't get insurance and now family are stuck with a bill they can't pay.

OP posts:

x2boys · 09/07/2024 16:15

Downtoyou · 09/07/2024 12:13

Actually, my son did not have a more lavish funeral!! The extras not paid for by the government were food at the wake (got the venue for free as they are friends of ours) one small flower arrangement to go over the coffin and it covered a livestream for friends abroad. That is it. Please get off your high horse, not everybody is out for themselves. My son's funeral was made by the people that were there, over 300, not by materialistic things. We have donated over 90% of the funds to charity. People have the choice over whether or not they want to donate and we are so very grateful to them that they did.

Thank you for those with their lovely comments, it really is the hardest thing to lose a child, I just can't believe there are people out there who begrudge us being able to donate money in my son's memory, unbelievable!

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I'm so sorry for your loss
I can't beleive some posters e would comment negatively about your choices
Just awful.

T34ch3r · 09/07/2024 16:23

Downtoyou · 09/07/2024 09:09

My son died in April, he was 13 and had a short illness with cancer.

Lots of people asked how they could help us so my sister set up a Just Giving account and I was blown away by how much money it raised. The money covered his funeral and then we were able to donate money to the charities in my son's memory. I still have some left and will use it towards a friendship bench for his memorial garden at the school.

We could have paid for his funeral ourselves, children's funerals are paid for for by the government, apart from extras like flowers and video recordings. but we wouldn't have been able to donate large amounts to charity. I think people feel happy that they could donate and feel like they have done something for our son.

I haven't heard of any criticism for doing this and it saddens me to think that people would.

I’m so sorry for your loss. One of my DC lost one of their best friends at a similar age and I always cry when I think about her. In fact, it’s made me tear up now typing this. They had a GFM page for a local charity. I still donate to the charity on her birthday. I hope she’s never forgotten and her legacy has left an impact on other children; also the same for your son. x

x2boys · 09/07/2024 16:24

Levelinguperased · 09/07/2024 09:46

I sympathise but disagree. It should be used for people who can't afford a funeral. They said they could afford the funeral themselves and the government would have paid anyway so am guessing the charities weren't first and it was a far more lavish funeral then it would have been otherwise.

Show quote history

Do you have even an ounce of empathy ?
People set up go fund me/ just giving for all kinds reasons
Nobody has to donate anything
The loss of a child is utterly tragic ,I don't even want to begin to imagine the pain
For the parents ,that's why people donate because they feel it might help ,bring a tiny bit of comfort.

FTPM1980 · 09/07/2024 16:55

letsgoooo · 09/07/2024 15:42

@FTPM1980

But I don't normally support the overseas ones unless there are extenuating circumstances....if you could afford to go abroad you can afford insurance.
I guess the point is they didn't get insurance and now family are stuck with a bill they can't pay.

For people that have died perhaps

I suppose I was thinking of the sick and injured which wasn't your point was it. But as long as people keep bailing them out with go fund me contributions other people won't bother getting insurance.

But I am sure a cheap funeral could be arranged abroad without needed charity.