Who was in the wrong here?

[TaylorsVersion1]

I feel really silly writing this but she's made me doubt myself so I would like some outside opinions to see if I really was being unreasonable.

Went to see grandma today (82 if it matters) with 3 year old ds.

I'll cut to the point she gave DS a big bag of cola bottles. I'm okay with him eating sweets but wasn't keen on her giving him a big bag but let him have a few.

After he'd scoffed almost half the bag DH took them off him (irrelevant but he has a genetic condition that's prone to obesity so we're trying to teach him to eat in moderation) we were a bit slow to notice as we were chatting, that on us.

DS started crying obviously so I tried to explain to him that he'd had enough and next time he comes he can have some more and it's nearly tea time etc but grandma hit the roof calling my husband out of order, awful and horrible - DH obviously wasn't happy with this and took DS out to change his nappy.

Whilst he was out my grandma was like "say something to him" and I said no, I agree with him and she just said I'm as bad as him and she'll stop me visiting as we've really upset her so I said I appreciate you're upset but he can't just eat a whole packet of sweets (a big pack as well, wouldn't have minded too much if it was one of those little Haribo packs) and she said well he can at my house.

The whole thing was just awkward after that so we left but now I'm sat wondering did we really need to cause such a fuss and upset her? Was I being unreasonable?

It feels like such a none issue but I'm a bit upset about it.

Thank you

I think that is a lot of sweets for a 3 year old. Maybe next time she can give him a few in a bowl. I think your DH wasn't in the wrong, he is the parent.

I don't think he was rude. He said next time he can have some more

You were not wrong. Grandma is being a spoiled brat. She doesn’t get to decide. You do. If she doesn’t like it, then visit without your child, or let her stew.

You didn’t upset her. She upset herself with her silly behaviour

Your grandma was in the wrong.

@TaylorsVersion1 you are not being unreasonable ! Who lets a 3 year old eat a full pack of sweets ? No thanks ! If he ate the full pack , he wouldn’t have had his proper meal later so that wouldn’t be good either . Grandma is having a sulk like a 5 year old , I thought you was talking about the 3 year old sulking not grandma 😂 and grandma saying”well at my house he can eat the full pack “ sorry but NO , he’s your child not hers . You’re the one who has to put up with the child running crazy at bedtime from sugar rush and also his health too ofcourse not the grandmar . If she wants to sulk over pack of haribos , then let her sulk , she’s the one who’s losing out not seeing you lot ,not you all . And good , don’t go again until she says sorry and actually invites you again . I hate it when grandparents think they know the best and they are always right about everything every single time !

Shes was in the wrong but grandmas have always given kids wrongful treats to the despair of every generations parents haven't they?

Does it "really" matter in the grand scheme of things

You were right to back up ypur DH too

Shes just hurt. A treat bought lovingly turned sour

YANBU.
Grandma doesn’t know best, you do! My child had to have a filling because of an over-zealous sweet-giving relative that I didn’t stop. My greatest regret! Don’t be me!

How big is the bag? Because if its one of the 75g/100g ones then she's crazy giving that to a 3 year old. It could be over 30g of sugar. Her reaction is petulant, she's the one acting like a 3 year old.

yes it was a nice treat for the kid but everyone was happy to let the kid eat a lot of it anyways , just not the full pack . It’s not like he didn’t get none , just didn’t want him to eat the full 500g pack , even adults dont eat the full pack in one go . And also the parents were very nice about it and saying he can have the rest next time which is totally reasonable 😽

YANBU. I would have also said that's a shame that we won't be visiting anymore if you can't adjust to our rules.

Of course his DGM wants to spoil him but it sounds like far too many sweets at once, kids don't know when to stop so she shouldn't have given him the whole bag. I'd smooth things over this time but next time you visit I'd intervene earlier if DGM tries to do it again

Wair...adults aren't meant to eat the full pack? Damn

I do 🤣

Was it a 100g bag? I've just had a look, they've got 46g of sugar in them.

Obviously you were in the right.

Thank you for the replies everyone.

I'm not sure of the grams but they were like the standard bags of Haribos (although they were the knock off version so don't know if that makes a difference to sugar content).

I often think parents get too hysterical about grandparents spoiling kids but on this occasion you were right. That's a lot of sweets for a child (or anyone really) and she added insult to injury by behaving like a total weirdo.

Next time tell her to give him a small amount in a cup or bowl and explain very firmly that the poor little soul gets ill if he eats to many sweets. Make her feel guilty if you like.

But it needn't have been, if she could have just accepted that OP and her DH are the judges of when he's had enough sugar.

Is this your Grandmother?

Of course it really matters. The most likely scenario if a 3 year old eats an entire adult share size bag of gummy sweets is that they throw up on the way home.

Yes it's my grandma.

Throwing up would be my main concern at this age. Especially if you're driving home.

Why does someone have to be wrong? Why can't it just be the case that you disagree, and you have a chat with her off the back of it, with regard to her respect for your parenting decisions?

So your boy is her Great grandson.

How lovely she gets to spoil her great grandson.

Yes it is all very lovely but the little kid has a genetic condition that could lead to obesity and if it means his health is in risk then the rules have to come in no matter who gets upset over it or who doesn’t . Grandma should have known better . I do get it that it’s a nice gesture to offer sweets to her great grandson but there has to be a limit somewhere . I bet if it was up her her , she would let him eat 1 kg of sweets in 1 hour if he wanted and she’d find it acceptable still .

Depends if its a regular thing or a once in a blue moon thing.

OP hasn't said how often it happens.