Who was in the wrong here?

[TaylorsVersion1]

I feel really silly writing this but she's made me doubt myself so I would like some outside opinions to see if I really was being unreasonable.

Went to see grandma today (82 if it matters) with 3 year old ds.

I'll cut to the point she gave DS a big bag of cola bottles. I'm okay with him eating sweets but wasn't keen on her giving him a big bag but let him have a few.

After he'd scoffed almost half the bag DH took them off him (irrelevant but he has a genetic condition that's prone to obesity so we're trying to teach him to eat in moderation) we were a bit slow to notice as we were chatting, that on us.

DS started crying obviously so I tried to explain to him that he'd had enough and next time he comes he can have some more and it's nearly tea time etc but grandma hit the roof calling my husband out of order, awful and horrible - DH obviously wasn't happy with this and took DS out to change his nappy.

Whilst he was out my grandma was like "say something to him" and I said no, I agree with him and she just said I'm as bad as him and she'll stop me visiting as we've really upset her so I said I appreciate you're upset but he can't just eat a whole packet of sweets (a big pack as well, wouldn't have minded too much if it was one of those little Haribo packs) and she said well he can at my house.

The whole thing was just awkward after that so we left but now I'm sat wondering did we really need to cause such a fuss and upset her? Was I being unreasonable?

It feels like such a none issue but I'm a bit upset about it.

Thank you

But regardless , the child would be up all night after this amount of sweets hehe , would it be worth it in your eyes ? Or even better , throwing up all day , 😃clearly he was willing to eat the full pack , because he started crying after it had been took off him .

and she said well he can at my house.

Oh, we've had that when ours were little with my parents. Turning to them and saying, well they won't be coming, stopped them doing that.

@itsmylife7 it's not "lovely" if she makes him sick or endangers his health, though, is it? At that point she's doing it to make herself happy rather than for her GGS' benefit. Which is rather selfish and childish.

Your grandmother is 100% in the wrong.

https://groceries.aldi.co.uk/en-GB/p-dominion-cola-bottles-75g/4088600292670

This type of bag is 3 adult servings.

I’d have been worried about him being sick. That much sugar isn’t great for a 3 year old.

She shouldn’t be giving him things you don’t want him to have.

It wasn’t a huge deal either way until she started laying down the law as to how you and your dh could parent.

So she gave the bag, it was very big, he ate too many but no big deal, your DH took them off him and said he could have them another time. All fine until this point.

What wasn’t ok was your grandma saying “he can at my house” and that you couldn’t visit again unless you toed the line. Now you stuck in a position where if you go there again it’ll be as though you are saying she can overrule your parenting. And then the only loser will be her, as she won’t get visits.

Awkward.

That's sad but your behaviour seems reasonable and Gma a bit disrespectful, I agree with the idea of visiting her without child and establishing some understanding.

Plus OP said it was the standard size haribo comes in which is around twice as much as this one!

She could spoil him with some lovely diced fruit not a load of sugared crap.

What an awful comment.

Yes we visit her weekly.

My son is in nappies because he has a rare genetic condition, is autistic, non verbal and can't walk.

Are you going to apologise to OP for that disgusting comment? I think you should.

Wow what a bitchy, judgemental comment. Did that make you feel good about yourself?

In your shoes, I would, however, look closer to my own intellect and ask myself if there are any reasons I can think of as to why a child, who has been described in the opening post as having a genetic condition, may not be the earliest to toilet train.

Anything?

Hope that made you feel great. Have the day you deserve.

I am truly sorry @TaylorsVersion1 for my comment if that’s the case, then that must be very difficult.

if he has such severe challenges then you have to explain to your grandmother, as she must realise he has difficulties. particularly if his condition means he can suffer obesity.

if you’re visiting weekly then yes it is a lot of sugar, and you only have two options:

1. leave things as they are with her doing what she wants and you being uspet
2. tell her to stop or you want go back and mean it

He's three. One or two as a treat is suffice. A big bag is ridiculous.

Is she a large woman and a 'feeder'?

Is there another relative who could have a word with her. On the lines of I know you like treating him to a few sweets but he can only have a few/Op has enough on her plate without worrying about this.
When your grandma was buying sweets for her children cola bottles would have been bought a few in a paper bag penny mix up style. She’d never have bought her 3 year old that many sweeties.

I think in your shoes I would take a look at my bitch filter, it seems to be fubared.

Were you in the same room as your son, chatting merrily away, whilst oblivious to your 3 year making a valiant attempt at demolishing a large bag of sweets?! If so, totally unreasonable on your part.
You're the parent, so should have passed him the few you were happy for him to have, then put the bag away.
Your GM was clearly in the wrong, too, but he's your child to make decisions on behalf of, so step in as and when needed.
I'm a mean parent, though, and didn't allow my DC 'sweets' at that age (they weren't corrupted by the Sugary Dark Side until primary school birthdays! 🙃).

Is the rare condition PWS?

No it's not that one, it's a distal 16p11.2 microdeletion.

Unless you see her regularly, I'd have just let him eat them tbh.

a good summary.

She doesn't have the right to stuff your child with sweets until he pukes, which he probably would have if he'd eaten the whole bag.

This is the sort of thing one of my elderly relatives used to do. Its the idea that the child will love visiting because they spoil them. I caught them giving my toddler a mars bar to eat in their cot.

She's not registering that you as his parents are in charge of what he eats and when and that you know the effect on his behaviour and sleeping patterns. I had an Aunt who used to call it cupboard love and it comes complete with giving the child the idea that the treats are forbidden by parents but good ol' grandma is in league with the child and can always be counted on.

Given that she's taken umbridge, I'm not sure what the answer is here OP. Maybe leave it for a while. Bring plenty attractive but healthy snacks on a plate that he can pick at, or a special small bowl to put a few of the sweets at a time in.

OP said she sees her weekly