'You look well'

[lemoncats]

AIBU to think 'you look well' means 'you've gained weight'?

I saw a family member who I haven't seen in 3 months. I know I've gained some pounds over the past few months after having very disordered eating from stress and anxiety for 3-4 years. I've tried to avoid weighing myself at the moment as it's triggering, but I need to eat healthy and unfortunately I bounce from one extreme to another (restricted eating v eating everything in sight). I find it hard to achieve a happy medium.

Maybe I'm being over sensitive but I feel 'you look well' is saying I look like I've gained weight.

I think I say it when people have a bit of a tan

How weird 😵‍💫

I saw someone who I hadn't seen in ages recently. I spotted them before they spotted me and they were talking to someone, laughing and smiling, they had a tan and just looked great. They were GLOWING. We greeted each other and I told her she looked well and she laughed and said "you mean I look fatter??" which couldn't have been further from my mind. It's sad people see it that way.

Exactly this. Its s compliment op - take it as one ☝️

This comes up a lot on Mumsnet. Where I live (NI) it only ever means what it says - that you look well. So you're looking good/fit/healthy/pretty/handsome. Never, ever has it meant 'you're looking a bit fat'.

It's a compliment. I say it when the person looks happy, relaxed, well rested, content, etc.

How many men do we say ‘you look [anything] to?

What can you say to be nice then? I have a couple of friends who diet and fluctuate weight but they look lovely to me different sizes. Not everything is an insult

Definitely

"You look well" = you've put on weight

This from someone who has been on the weight wheel of fortune for the best part of 30 years.

@orangalang , 'You look great/lovely/terrific/nice"

@Funnywonder , that you know of.

😁😁😁😁😁.

@Riapia , I found it offensive.

I've LOST quite a bit of weight recently and people say to me l that I look well.

Someone went on to say that they didn't want to mention I'd lost weight in case I was unwell.

Another didn't want to mention my weight loss as it could have sounded like they thought I was "fat" in the first place.

If I noticed someone had put on weight I just wouldn't say anything.

Just accept the compliment for what it is and don't read things into it!

I say that to people and may never say it again knowing they may assume this is what I mean 🙈

It literally means what it says. If I don't think someone looks well, I don't say anything. Well means healthy, well rested, glowy, all the good things. It's a certain type of look that isn't necessarily synonymous with other adjectives such as stunning, glamorous, beautiful or amazing, but it is positive and I always take it as a compliment. It means, well as in, the opposite of unwell; not 'well fed'.

I tend to associate 'you look well' with 'you've put weight on', but having said that, I'd never say it for any other reason than that the person really does look well.

Why do you need to say ANYthing to someone about their appearance? Why does it matter? I don't want or need compliments, or insults, or comments of any kind. I find unsolicited comments on my appearance intrusive, annoying, and unnecessary.

'You look well' is a stupid thing to say. For all you know that person may have been recently diagnosed with a life changing or terminal disease. Just keep your opinions on how people look to yourself. How I look is not your concern, and your unsolicited comments are not welcome.

Christ, it sound like some people won't be happy until we all turn into robots, and can only say what we've been programmed to say.

Though God knows what that might be, considering some people could find offence in an empty paper bag 🙄

@SwanRivers , I agree with @HungryLittleCrocodile . I don't want to be asked if I have lost weight or be told I look well or whatever. It's not because I take offense but it's irritating. It's inane small talk with a possibility of being taken the wrong way.

People say that to me when I've lost weight, usually, and I'm often a bit chubby, so they're politely congratulating me for cutting out chocolate and booze for a while!

It can also mean you looked awful before, I was worried about you and I am relieved you now look healthier

i only use it when people genuinely look well - healthy, happy, less stressed, relaxed, clean and coping with life. I never personally use it to refer to weight

But there’s plenty that’s irritating when you mix with people. You should realise that not everyone is you or thinks like you. And move on.

lots of people like their weight loss being commented on are bothered when it’s not. People are different. No one can get it right all the time for every person.

@ShouldhavebeencalledAppollo ,but I am not losing weight or gaining it. I'm neither under or overweight.
I appreciate that people are different, but why is it considered OK to comment? it doesn't add anything to the conversation.

If I'd been dieting and lost a noticeable amount of weight, it might be different.

Well, 2 of the 3 examples I gave in my last post, were to men.

I can't speak for you, of course, but I do compliment people if that is what comes into my mind, regardless of their sex.

Why do you need to say ANYthing to someone about their appearance? Why does it matter?

Because the overwhelming majority of the human race get a little boost from someone giving them a compliment, and most people like to be nice to people.

I don't want or need compliments, or insults, or comments of any kind. I find unsolicited comments on my appearance intrusive, annoying, and unnecessary.

Which is fine, for you but you really are an outlier. Overwhelmingly people are chuffed to hear that someone has noticed something nice about them - be that appearance, a skill, a characteristic, or whatever.

Around here? Where are you living - Tellytubby land?!