'You look well'

[lemoncats]

AIBU to think 'you look well' means 'you've gained weight'?

I saw a family member who I haven't seen in 3 months. I know I've gained some pounds over the past few months after having very disordered eating from stress and anxiety for 3-4 years. I've tried to avoid weighing myself at the moment as it's triggering, but I need to eat healthy and unfortunately I bounce from one extreme to another (restricted eating v eating everything in sight). I find it hard to achieve a happy medium.

Maybe I'm being over sensitive but I feel 'you look well' is saying I look like I've gained weight.

To me, “You’re looking well” is a euphemism for “You’ve gained weight.” But as other responses will indicate, that’s not a universal meaning and may not be the one intended by the person who made the comment.

I don’t think it means that. Often it doesn’t even mean they look good, it’s just pleasantries when you haven’t seen someone in a while!

No. It means you look great but they don't want to specify how in case that's rude. They really mean one or more of: You look less tired/your hair is nicer than last time/you've lost weight/you've a bit of colour and aren't so pasty as usual/you've made an effort with your clothes today/you look nicer in make up/etc.

This.

No hidden message at all.

I’ve had this a lot recently and I definitely haven’t gained weight. I’m linking it to a particularly glowy SPF.

It’s never crossed my mind that it’s anything other than a compliment

No OP, 'you look well' is just a nice thing to say to someone.
IIMO it's your eating disorder skewing how you hear this and twisting into an insult about your weight.

I have lost 4 stone and people say this a lot to me. I assume it is a genuine compliment. It is certainly intended as a compliment when I say it to other people and I have never said it as a euphemism for "You look fat/ You've put on weight". Just enjoy the compliment.

Wow I had no idea. I've said this but never because someone has put on weight... Just thought it was a nice thing to say

People said it a lot to me when I’d just had a new baby and had a toddler… I took it to mean that I didn’t look like a zombie.
Or I did look like a zombie and they wanted me to feel better about myself..

I don’t think it means fat though… it can just genuinely mean that you’re looking well!

I've had this and it was in relation to weight gain but, that said, I was significantly under-eating and, at my skinniest, looked quite unwell (which I did not realize at the time).

I have always understood it to mean "I need to say something nice but I can't pay a compliment because you've got so fat"

FYI I am the fatty not the person telling people "they look well"

It's a polite way to say that you look better than usual! I got it a lot for that 6 months I wore makeup.

No definitely not. When I say it it means just that.

When I say it, I mean, you look well.

It could be that you've lost some weight, if you needed to, that your new hair colour or glasses suit you, you've got a bit of a tan or you just seem happy and relaxed.

It definitely isn't something I'd say to mean you've gained weight.

I remember as a kid at a Christening my godmother telling me that when Irish people say it, that's what they mean. Someone had just said it to her!

I can't believe this is a euphemism for you're fat. I've honestly never heard that before.

for those who see it as code for 'you're fat' where are you from? Is it a regional thing?

I'm from the North West

Almost always means the opposite - in my experience

It can mean that, but it doesn’t always. If you’re conscious of your weight worth doing something about it, for your own self, no-one else. My weight is up and down and I always feel better when I lose 1 stone or so

I have a long history of ED's. My mum used to say 'you look well' whenever I put on any amount of weight, drove me mad. I think people mean well but just articulate it wrongly (when maybe they just shouldn't say anything) especially when they know you have had disordered eating.

When I say it it means “glowy and relaxed”

Maybe for previous generations - but not now

North West also.

Er nope. When I say it I mean - that outfit is lovely/your hairs nice/your skins glowing etc