Partner abroad but I'm getting no peace

[Kevinisnotacatname]

My long term partner is abroad to see family for a few weeks. I love him very much but I was definitely looking forward to some time alone and peace and quiet. I've always been very happy in my own company whilst he's much more sociable and always wants to do stuff together.

Anyway since he's been gone he's messaging me from when he wakes up till I go to bed. I swear it's rare a couple of hours goes past without a message. He's also calling me 2/3 times a day and it's exhausting! I had over 40 messages yesterday.

He's just phoned me this afternoon and ended the phone conversation with "I'll call you later" It took a huge effort not to reply "please don't"

I just want to enjoy my own company, watching films that I like and read books in peace!

Am I being an absolute bitch? He's such a nice man and is lovely to me and I get he wants to share things with me and is excited. Is there anything I can say that won't hurt his feelings? I can feel myself wanting to snap at him. He's definitely a nicer person than I am!

Btw it's not that he's checking up on me or anything, he's not like that at all - it's all trivia nonsense about what he's doing/seeing

This would drive me absolutely mad. If mine did this I would tell him to concentrate on spending quality time with his family and that I would call him next day.

That does not sound normal at all.
It sounds hugely intrusive.
Tell him you are taking a break from your phone and do not want your peace intruded upon.
That would give me the rage and the ick all at once.

How bizarre. Is he lonely? You don't have to reply to every text or answer the phone. Say you are busy 🤷‍♀️ My boyfriend and I text each other a lot but not to that extent.

Tell him you're having a digital detox and leave your phone in another room for a few hours.

Tell him you're up to your eyes, pick a time and he can call at x time when you're free. Then mute your phone.

That would drive me up the wall! My DH is away at the moment. If he calls or messages when I'm busy doing something (even if it's binging on a box set) I don't answer. Sometimes I'm genuinely doing something else and my phone is not surgically attached to my body.
I think you need to adjust his expectations.

YANBU.
Turn off your phone.
Or, at least, just reply to him once per day.

Can't you just turn off your 'phone for a couple of days? Maybe it ran out of charge and you can't find the lead?

Just mute the conversation to stop your phone buzzing and stop looking at it. Check it at whatever frequency you feel comfortable with. Say you’re using the phone down time to recharge your own batteries. All true, yes?

This is my biggest bug bear, and one of the reasons I'm single.

Men do it either because of insecurity / neediness or boredom in my opinion. Both are as bad as each other as they aren't considering whether they are actually bothering you. Massively selfish, lack of awareness and no thought for you.

Don't answer the phone or respond to his messages.

I have to say that this does sound very intrusive and bordering on stalking.

To be fair we do message a fair bit normally but not to this extent. I think he's very excited about everything (never been to this country before) and wants to show/tell me about things - he's sent tons of pictures.

Perhaps things will calm down a bit after initial excitement over ? Bloody hope so. I'm starting to reply to his messages with just a thumbs up now. Tomorrow I can't really talk as well be busy with work all day then I'm meeting a friend for a drink so I'm going to tell him that.

Like the digital detox idea.

This would do my head in.

DH is away quite a bit for work and I'll tell you what we do. We arrange a time that suits both of us when he can call me every evening, then we have a good old chat.

I couldn't be doing with constant messaging, but our relationship dates from before mobiles were a thing so we don't expect it IYSWIM.

Come on now, this is fucking ridiculous. This level of needless contact would drive me insane, and sorry, I don't really believe it's not some form of checking up on you. Mature, emotionally secure people do not do this. I really don't understand why you haven't told him this has to stop. I feel suffocated just reading about it.

Btw it's not that he's checking up on me or anything, he's not like that at all

Are you quite sure?

Say you arw reding a book ams you are lokking firward to uninterrupted time. You are going ti leave your phone on ilent untio youve finiahed it and tell him to call you after 7 but before 9 as you are planning to binge watch "please don't be so needy "

I think he got a notion of this earlier as I was pretty arsey when he phoned as I was hot and sweaty busy doing housework.

Hell be so hurt if I tell him it's too much. But lots of you are right, I don't have to keep answering!

Have a read through this thread, OP:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5108377-clingy-and-needy-when-apart-great-in-person

Let me guess.
Does he always offer to drive you when you go out with friends without him? Insist on picking you up? Does he call you while you're out without him? Does he insist he goes with you to the supermarket?

Tell him you're fine and he doesn't need to keep checking in. He probably thinks you're bored and he may be feeling a bit guilty leaving you at home and is over compensating.

Quite quite sure.

It's more like he's an excitable labrador puppy that wants to tell me everything about what's he seen and done.

Nope not at all. Really not.

I’ve blocked for a few hours before due this insane amount of checking what I’m doing.

Put your phone away for hours of the day or leave it on silent.

I only check mine every five hours. I have retrained myself to do this and it is liberating.

You do sound a bit mean. He wants to talk to you his partner about new and exciting things in his life. Surely you have a good enough relationship where you can say I'm watching a film and will phone you afterwards or whatever?