Is she really my best friend?

[firsttimemumchar]

I’m due my first baby in a couple of weeks, and since finding out my best friend has been very odd.

Have seen her three times since finding out - keeps cancelling all the time saying she’s poorly but then I see she’s out elsewhere. A few days before we’re due to meet I get the typical message “oh I’ve got a sore throat” and then I just know what’s coming on the day we’re meant to meet up.

has said some quite hurtful things about the things we’ve bought for the nursery being too expensive, explained I will have rules when baby is here such a no kissing her and told I’m treating the baby like a possession. My close family member is getting married when I’m 39 weeks, I’m meant to be bridesmaid. Best friend said I looked like a pink whale or a huge canopy in my bridesmaid dress. been a fair few comments on how “fat” I look with my bump too.

Can’t decided if I’m being over sensitive because I’m so close to my due date or whether or not I should just take this with a pinch of salt and laugh it all off

Have you been a free babysitter for her with her children? Or will she be loosing out when you have a child? Sounds selfish!

defo not a best friend as should not be treating to you like this at all.

Can I ask the gender of her two children? I have 2 girls and I noticed you are due a girl, I had a friend who had boys and started acting odd and different around me when she knew I was having a girl. She had said previously she would be trying again to get a girl.

just a thought. although doesn’t excuse anything.

good luck with the rest of your pregnancy and not long till you have your wee bundle.

So now it's Sunday... I do hope that you've realised that this woman is no friend at all. She is a horrible bully. Please go NC with this woman, and enjoy Baby when they arrive! X

She's definitely not your friend, she sounds awful.

Sounds like she's either jealous of all the attention you're getting, or maybe she's secretly broody?

Or she's fed up with lots of talk of pregnancy/newborns/nursery? It's natural and fine for you to be very focused on this, but are you talking about it a lot to her? Sometimes new mums overwhelm friends with their excitement and enthusiasm (I did) perhaps she's bored or feels left out?

Is it possible you're a bit oversensitive? People do comment on your size in late pregnancy, I was told how huge I was throughout the last trimester, despite measuring small. I think friends are sometimes surprised or fascinated by how our bodies change with pregnancy. Is she normally a bit tactless?

Wearing a pink bridesmaid dress at 39 weeks is brave. She was unkind to comment, unless she was worried you'd regret it later. Were you expressing doubts to her or asking her honest opinion when she said that?

Expensive things for nursery; every mum I know (me included) has been sucked into buying nursery things they never use or use twice. It's a sort of right of passage. In hindsight I wish I'd listened when friends advised me not to spend so much on the fancy bassinet and organic cotton sheets or all the things they grow out of after 3 months.

If she's unwell or has a cold she's right to stay away from you, nobody needs a virus in late pregnancy.

Only you know if she's being mean/snippy or just thoughtless.

This!!

Lots of women I know desperately wanted a girl but had 2 or 3 boys. One friend is pregnant with 5th boy.

Some of them were a bit cold and distant when I had a girl after a boy. Or they were wistful. One friend bought her lots of frilly dresses and ruffle socks and explained she'd always wanted to buy girl clothes. Now my DD's a toddler the wistfulness/broodiness seems to have passed. It's awkward as I would have felt the same if I'd had 2 boys.

OP she doesn't sound like much of a friend at all, let alone your best friend! Friends celebrate with you, reassure you, lift you up not bring you down! You need to cut ties with someone who brings such negativity into your life. Enjoy the last bit of your pregnancy and spend time with those that actually care about you 💐

it doesn’t matter what the underlying reasons for her behaving like this are - jealousy, insecurity, worries about losing your friendship etc. You DON’T treat a friend the way she is treating you.

You are about to have a baby, so try not to give it too much headspace or let her steal your joy now. This isn’t the time for a big dramatic fall-out - you don’t need it right now!

Distance yourself as much as possible, don’t get into messaging back and forth, mute her messages if needed and go very low contact for now. You can revisit the friendship and whether it’s worth having it all out with her at a later date. Surround yourself with people who are positive and caring. She can wait.

She's certainly not acting like a friend at the moment, and definitely not like a best friend. Your pregnancy seems to have really brought out her nasty side.

Were there really no clues to this before? I've had a couple of friendships that turned this way after quite a few years (I'm in my fifties now) and without exception there have been traces of it almost from the start, it gradually increases with time and then something triggers a full mask slip...

Anyway, I would definitely keep your distance for at least a while. She clearly has the capacity to sour your experience of becoming a new mother with her comments and actions - don't let that happen. I would be very careful what you share with her.

She sounds resentful.

Pull back and invest in other relationships. Make an effort to meet new mums at the same stage as you. Good luck with the pregnancy!

I think this a second point is important, these things associated with babies do pass.
We don’t all live in a utopia where people never have negative feelings. It would be preferable if they didn’t take them out of others but to err is human. There is a line which you don’t cross - nasty comments about weight and similar.

Maybe you are being a little too sensitive - the “she made me feel I was failing at pregnancy.” She being weird, just dismiss it.