Is she really my best friend?

[firsttimemumchar]

I’m due my first baby in a couple of weeks, and since finding out my best friend has been very odd.

Have seen her three times since finding out - keeps cancelling all the time saying she’s poorly but then I see she’s out elsewhere. A few days before we’re due to meet I get the typical message “oh I’ve got a sore throat” and then I just know what’s coming on the day we’re meant to meet up.

has said some quite hurtful things about the things we’ve bought for the nursery being too expensive, explained I will have rules when baby is here such a no kissing her and told I’m treating the baby like a possession. My close family member is getting married when I’m 39 weeks, I’m meant to be bridesmaid. Best friend said I looked like a pink whale or a huge canopy in my bridesmaid dress. been a fair few comments on how “fat” I look with my bump too.

Can’t decided if I’m being over sensitive because I’m so close to my due date or whether or not I should just take this with a pinch of salt and laugh it all off

She's your frenemy!

OMG she’s bullying you, I’d block her for a while so you can enjoy your last few weeks of pregnancy and your lovely new baby when they arrive, in peace.

@firsttimemumchar

I think she's a little obsessed with you😂. If it was me I'd probably archive her for a bit and let her sweat that way she wont get those blue ticks, she's keeping track on you so go off the radar don't give her the satisfaction of the answer to her stupid questions

This is exactly what my husband has made me do!! He says pretty much the same as you all, I don’t know how long I’ve got left until she’s here so I need to relax, be stress free and enjoy what will be my final weeks pregnant (or days!!!!)

She IS jealous , she doesn't want OP to have what she's got.

I don’t see where people are getting ‘jealousy’. Nothing the OP has said suggests jealousy. This woman appears to behave consistently unpleasantly towards the OP, and often to cancel their arrangements at the last minute. Clearly no love lost. But these types of post are always mysterious because it frequently seems as if the OP is using ‘best friend’ to mean ‘someone who is often nasty to me’.

She’s been my best friend for 16 years, and it’s only since getting pregnant she’s behaved in this way

And you haven’t just asked her what’s going on, if you’ve been close for 16 years? Would you normally have seen her far more frequently than you have during your pregnancy? What do you reply when she says your baby purchases are too expensive or that you look fat?

It's not kind to be treated like this by a friend.

However, I know a new mum who talks about NOTHING else about the baby. She doesn't listen to anything any of us say any more and turns any conversations back to her baby. She was like this from the moment she got pregnant.

It's difficult as I want to support her but realistically it's getting very boring and I'm no longer enjoying her company!

Yes of course I have asked several times what the issue is and I just get the same back oh it’s a baby it’ll grow out of everything etc. she knows the fat comments will get to me, as I had a lot of issues with food many many years ago where I was getting a lot of professional help

I do obviously talk about the baby a lot, but we’d tried for over three and a half years so it’s a big big deal. She knows the fertility issues we had and the heartbreak it took to get here etc. I still show a lot of interest in her and her children too, because I was worried about being one of those people

That makes the fat comments so much worse. She is truly spiteful. She actively wants you to feel insecure and unhappy.

So her fat comments are so deliberately vile, vicious and aimed to wound.

Please protect yourself from her.

She's not your friend, I'd be blocking her for the rest of your pregnancy...and potentially not unblocking her afterwards!

That’s no friend at all. Bin her off. Doesn’t matter if it’s 16 years, you don’t need her negativity.

Once you have your baby you’ll meet loads of other mums at the baby weigh-ins and baby groups. You’ll find actual friends here.

Please remove this toxic person from your life, no one needs 'friends' like her

Avoid, ignore and put some distance between you, incl when baby arrives.
She's behaved appallingly -the weight and food comments are particularly nasty. But all of it is unacceptable.
Please keep her away from you and your baby. You don't need anyone bringing you down or insulting you when you're a new parent.

In a short answer no, she’s not your best friend!

She isn’t your friend.

I don’t know why she’s doing it but she doesn’t like seeing you happy basically.

Maybe she got used to you having a particular role in life, her “poor” friend who doesn’t have a kid she really wanted and had food issues etc etc.

Is you life better than hers in some way? More money? Nicer husband? More supportive family?

Either way she’s an asshole, I wouldn’t speak to anyone that way let alone my best friend.

Some people like to be the “superior “ friend. She had kids, you didn’t. You had food issues , she didn’t . She thought that she had everything that you wanted and now she doesn’t
I think she is annoyed that the dynamic has changed and is punishing you . Maybe she will come round once baby is here but I’d be prepared for more unsolicited advice and digs.
It’d be better for your mental health to steer clear of her as much as you can and set boundaries over her input into your life . Motherhood is hard enough without “friends “like this

Calling you fat when she knows you have had issues with food in the past is toxic. She is not a friend. Surround yourself with people who lift you up, not push you down. I don't know what has caused her to behave in this way but her behaviour is unacceptable.

She’s very jealous and unfortunately this does happen. My best friend and bridesmaid at my wedding blocked my phone number and blocked me on all socials after I announced I was pregnant. Completely ghosted me and the rest of our friends and dropped off the face of the earth. It’s sad but if your friend can’t be happy for you she’s not a friend.

Anyone trying to spoil your happiness is not a friend. Don't let her bring you down when this is a very happy time for you. She's mean.

I had a reaction like this from a work colleague. Anything I said about how I hoped birth would go or about any aspect of it was resoundingly shat on. In hindsight she had a rough time of it from what she said. She was also going through a mountain of other shite, cheating on her partner (it all came out while i was on mat leave). So it could be that your pregnancy is pushing her buttons in a weird way that she hasn't figured out in her head yet. It could also be that she wishes she'd done things differently, been better supported, has regrets - and you're getting your first go around and she wishes she could have a redo. Her responses to you setting boundaries around protecting baby etc are what make me think this. People can feel judged by others' parenting choices. It's not you, but you do need to figure out how to handle it. You could stick a line down in front of her and tell her you want a peaceful last few weeks, that you're going to be responding less since she's being daft. Or however you want to handle it, but don't just keep humouring her. She'll keep on at you unless you make a barrier. If she boots off... Well, that's her issue.