Am I not contributing enough?

[NotSuperGirl]

Hello,
I just want to sense check something because I'm no longer sure what is right and wrong.

My husband keeps arguing with me about the same thing. I earn 40k, he earns 100+. We have a mortgage ( I am not on it) and a 2 year old. My husband pays the mortgage, food and bills. I pay the nursery fees and most of the things for our child, clothes, toys, shoes etc.

I work full time, 3 days in the office and 2 days I am at home with my child to save on nursery fees. I feel quite lucky that my job is allowing this. I do all the household, cooking, cleaning, washing and child care, and I also work full time with a modest salary, but it is more than minimum wage.

I feel like I am contributing in more than one way but maybe I am wrong. My husband keeps telling me he is "subsidising my lifestyle" and that my job is a joke. Is he right?

dLikeToBeAFraser

I think it's 3 days at home and 2 at office.

Jfc I earn more than my husband- I’m not “subsidising his lifestyle” we are both working to look after our family!

How do you WFH with a two year old in the house? How can you concentrate on your work?

If a paying parent has gross weekly income of more than £800 and they pay child maintenance for one child: they must pay 12% of their gross weekly income up to £800, and • they have to pay 9% of their gross weekly income between £800 and £3,000.

This is from the govt website. That will be the maximum paid even if he never seen es the child. Do you think that actually makes him worse off than currently? After all he only needs a smaller flat with smaller bills with no family to house.

What is morally right and what is legally required are 2 different things

I work full time... I do all the household, cooking, cleaning, washing and child care...

It's not you who isn't contributing OP.

I think actually he is getting a bargain - I mean if you weren't there he would have significant on costs with the housework, life admin, childcare, blah blah blah. How he is able to do the job he does? Because you deal with all the life crap - perhaps you could earn more if he contributed to the life stuff more and supported you rather than dumping everything he doesn't want to do on you. And you should be on the mortgage as well, even though technically you will own half anyway as married (a little dependent on length of marriage and any "sacrifices") I would also say that I think you do need to be seen to be paying a proportion of this too or he technically could argue you never paid any of it in court. So the joint account with proportionate amounts (based on nett pay before pensions) going in and paying all costs/investments including family savings. Also pay into your own pensions etc - if anything should happen between you its easier if you are already in possession of pensions than arguing the toss about getting half of his.

I personally would say he would be suprised if you costed up evening Nanny, Admin and house cleaning/cooking staff you would be subsidising him on balance

He's being ridiculous. I earn double what my partner does, we share the childcare, cooking and cleaning equally. I’ll admit i’d like him to earn a bit more, but if you’re married it should all go in one pot and both of you should share the chores and childcare fairly if you’re both working full time.

Was coming to say exactly this.
I'm not sure why him earning more means he can't participate 50/50 in the workload

I don’t know whether it’s the case here but a lot of these high salary jobs are dead easy. How much someone earns isn’t the end all be all to household contribution.

This.

And also, why are there so many households / marriages these days with a "this is mine, this is yours" attitude? How can that ever work out??

We have a joint account where both salaries go into, all household bills come out of it and then whatever is left (after costs like food shopping, fuel etc) is for us to either use if we need to buy anything or transfer to a savings account if we don't... I can't understand how or why you wouldn't share finances. Especially when you have a child?

Gogogo12345

We have to agree to differ. I could pick apart your post, but it derails the thread, so I will stop.

Imagine wanting to be the hired help in your own home.

Well, not really. She’s living in a house she doesn’t own. If he died and had willed the house to someone else she’d be stuffed.

You work 2 days from home with a 2 year old?! That’s near on impossible.
Your husband is judging on money not contribution .

Divorce solicitor would disagree with you.

No obligation to see the child fair enough but that would give OP a better settlement then.

Good divorce settlement, she even gets the house.

Pretty sure the OP shouldn’t be doing it tbh

Is this a joke?

Your husband is an arsehole.

It's sounds like your husband doesn't like you or respect you very much.

So sorry op.