Being disgusted now about dating a smoker

[apeo]

We've been together a year. I wasn't bothered at the start by smoking. I'd dated someone who smoked before but they were impeccable with oral hygiene

My partner is not at all. I absolutely hate the smoking now. He stinks all the time. I refuse to kiss him. I hate being in the cars with him when he talks. I don't mind smokers breath it's the fact he doesn't clean his teeth/mouth well enough and it becomes horrendous.

He doesn't drink water only full fat drinks which makes the situation so much worse.

He's 28 with only 4 back teeth and are all black and tiny. He constantly gets fillings and toothache, I've never known of teeth to be tiny especially back teeth.

He wonders why I won't kiss him yet I've said so many times his oral hygiene isn't good enough. We don't live together so when he is here, he appears to brush his teeth but you could not tell he does even minutes after brushing. I know for sure on days he stays at his own house he does not brush. His tooth brush doesn't move from the spot he left it in

I can't tell my in life friends about this because I'm beyond embarrassed.

I've asked multiple times for it to get better but he won't do it.

I miss being able to kiss someone without the fear my mouth will be infected with cavities (I read they pass on via saliva) and just not wanting to.

It's so embarrassing for me to think he just cannot commit to cleaning his teeth etc. but it's been so long anyway could he ever have a clean healthy mouth?

I know who his ex is and she's exactly the same. She was an all day all night weed smoker and her mouth is the same with black unclean teeth

I can't stand it and I dunno what to do

Surprised you even have to ask. Sounds like it’s got intolerable, so the only option is to give him an ultimatum, and if he doesn’t care enough to change his smoking habits and oral hygiene, just walk away. Live’s too short.

Why are your standards so low that you’ve not dumped him yet?!

would you want to live like this forever? Would you want him to be the father of your children?

If not, then get rid and move on!

Just end it with him.
I don't really know why you have to ask.
You've made him away of it, asked him to improve it and he hasn't.
Goodbye.

Yuck. He has no standards. Itcwill get worse.

Disgusting. I struggle with people who smoke anyway, they smell when talking to you. I couldn't kiss one let alone share a home with one.

The smoking is a red herring.

he doesn’t brush his teeth (or any type of oral hygiene) to the point where his teeth are rotting out of his mouth.

This isn’t going to work as a relationship for you I don’t know why this is a question for you.

you don’t really need this thread. You know what you want to do and it’s ok.

infact forgetting about this actual issue I hope you know you can end a relationship for any reason or infact no reason.

I wouldn't date a smoke her personally but I certainly wouldn't date someone with bad hygiene. I think it's time to end the relationship.

Out of curiosity what, "full fat" drinks is he drinking? Like milk?

Anyone who has allowed their poor personal hygiene to result in a pie hole full of rotten teeth before they are 30 has issues. If you are not embarrassed by such a publicly visible statement of grimness then I dread to think what other issues lie hidden. Four month old piss and shit stained pants? Year old sweaty unchanged bedsheets? Not washing your hands after taking a crap? A cheesy knob that smells like a camembert left out in the sun? Euugh

And someone on MN would still snap him up and think it’s better than being single 🤣

Beside the smoking his dirty isn't he. Just dump him

Don't feel any guilt for ending this relationship.
Prioritising hygiene and self care is an absolute deal breaker for me, and it sounds like you're realising that about yourself too.
You can't be in a. relationship where there's no attraction... it isn't fair on either of you.
I've dated a smoker before who had bad teeth... I had to walk away. I need to find someone who respects themself enough to look after themself!

He's 28 with only 4 back teeth and are all black and tiny.

😂

Sorry, what I meant to say was, break up with him. You don't fancy him, don't want to kiss him / be intimate with him, and spend most of your relationship focusing on his dental hygiene which he clearly does not care about. This is not a relationship built to last.

Have you posted about this before? There was someone whose boyfriend had revolting teeth and his breath stunk, and he drank tons of sugary drinks all the time. And she also thought he was going to pass on his tooth decay to her via saliva.

If you are the same person, my advice is the same. You need to ditch him because he isn't going to change. Even if he gives up the fags, his teeth are still going to be rank and his breath will still smell like a dog's arse because his teeth are rotting and he doesn't care.

On the whole I agree with you and I wouldn't date a smoker if he were gorgeous and the last man on earth

But I've never heard of cleaning your teeth for a nap!

I broke up with him last week. I've no idea why it angers me so much that a grown adult doesn't clean their teeth then to then lie why they don't rather than just cleaning them?

How he gets by day to day and no one says anything outstands me but then he doesn't get close enough to anyone.

In the time we were together he did not see his friends once. He replied heavily on my to have plans which I hated I couldn't stand it. If I suggested he ask his friends for a drink he'd say I was planning on having a man over ..

How an adult doesn't clean their teeth then thinks they should be kissed is crazy

His response was I never loved him I wouldn't show him affection - I said many times and begged him to wash and clean his teeth. His hygiene was so horrifically bad. He'd shower one day rhen skip two days. He smelt so bad and expected sex and even oral sex. I told him there was no way. He was way less lazy with washing but had a permanent BO smell about him. I told him I'd never kiss him unless he cleaned his teeth then still questioned why I wouldn't ? Would be so dramatic about cleaning his teeth basically show me his tooth brush then be so loud doing it to make sure I knew. But straight after he'd still smell so so bad. I seen him clean his teeth and it wasn't right at all. I didn't know it was possible to clean your teeth wrong?

He even seen me do it and never saw that as aw I'm doing it wrong.

He claimed I used him for tattoos (his job) which he offered me, I would never ask and he entered me in a competition to benefit himself so he constantly asked to do more to enter. I've offered to pay for it. Which I did at the time too

But how he is so blind to the fact I said his hygiene was horrific and to not change and think that's not the reason I'd break up with him is mind blowing

His previous relationship of 10 years only worked because she had the same views and smoke weed all day every day and had destroyed teeth too. He just expected me a non smoker and had good oral hygiene to accept it too

I'm still so furious at the fact he didn't brush his teeth

Being in the car with him was horrific. He stank out his car. Before seeing him I'd ask what he'd eaten because he was even worse if he'd ate anything with onions or garlic which yes everyone get a smell after but his was horrific like it had been left to rot in his mouth and smelt rotten and dead

Urgh, urgh, urgh! Well done for getting rid.

If his cavities were so severe, that explains the really bad smell, brushing his teeth wouldn't solve it.

Thank god you got out, well done.

Well done for dumping him, seems the teeth was just one of many issues.

No need to be furious about him not brushing, it's his poor choice and clearly not a priority for him.

I dated someone with bad teeth, he had good hygiene but visually they were bad, I couldn't unsee it and he couldn't afford new ones.

Live and learn, raise your bar.

That’s really bad. Not just the teeth but body odour as well.

This would be an immediate no for me. I couldn't be with a smoker or someone with poor oral hygiene. Yuck

Mate that is rank!!!! How on earth did you put up with that? And why?? 🤮🤮

Why give so much headspace to this man’s disgusting habits? There are better ways of spending your life.

It is concerning that he is a tattooist, a profession that requires a high degree of hygiene and cleanliness.

How on earth did you wind up in a relationship with someone so disgusting? Do you need support with your self esteem?

My first thought exactly. AND imagine that leaning over you for a lengthy period of time.