Being disgusted now about dating a smoker

[apeo]

We've been together a year. I wasn't bothered at the start by smoking. I'd dated someone who smoked before but they were impeccable with oral hygiene

My partner is not at all. I absolutely hate the smoking now. He stinks all the time. I refuse to kiss him. I hate being in the cars with him when he talks. I don't mind smokers breath it's the fact he doesn't clean his teeth/mouth well enough and it becomes horrendous.

He doesn't drink water only full fat drinks which makes the situation so much worse.

He's 28 with only 4 back teeth and are all black and tiny. He constantly gets fillings and toothache, I've never known of teeth to be tiny especially back teeth.

He wonders why I won't kiss him yet I've said so many times his oral hygiene isn't good enough. We don't live together so when he is here, he appears to brush his teeth but you could not tell he does even minutes after brushing. I know for sure on days he stays at his own house he does not brush. His tooth brush doesn't move from the spot he left it in

I can't tell my in life friends about this because I'm beyond embarrassed.

I've asked multiple times for it to get better but he won't do it.

I miss being able to kiss someone without the fear my mouth will be infected with cavities (I read they pass on via saliva) and just not wanting to.

It's so embarrassing for me to think he just cannot commit to cleaning his teeth etc. but it's been so long anyway could he ever have a clean healthy mouth?

I know who his ex is and she's exactly the same. She was an all day all night weed smoker and her mouth is the same with black unclean teeth

I can't stand it and I dunno what to do

Another one here who is wondering why you are still with this person.Bad breath and poor personal hygiene are a massive passion killer 🤮🤢

I am fascinated why you need to ask MN such an obvious thing and write in so much gross details? I wonder is this a reverse?

And no teeth won't magically be fine til your 30s. You can have severe decay at any age.

You need to seriously think what was going on in your head when you got with him because it's fairly easy to notice teeth after the first date. There would have been signs that mints could not have disguised. You've now woken up and want better in a partner but why on earth did you ever stoop so low?

Dump him obviously. Do you really want to live a life where you can't kiss your partner at such a young age?

I think it’s pretty obvious.

I couldn’t even contemplate dating a smoker. Or someone with manky teeth.

You’re wasting your time.

I've been married 30 years and I haven't seen my husbands back teeth.

you don't like him so leave him

I couldn't date a smoker but even that is a red herring. The problem is his lack of hygiene and self care. I have no idea why you have not just broken up with him. You don't even have to tell him that it's because he is a smelly beast if you don't want to.

Well you’ve got the ick and there’s no coming back from that. Dump and move on.

I couldn’t date a smoker. My ex dh started smoking again after he quit when we met each other and it was a final nail in the coffin for me. Yuck.

Are you saying he ONLY has his 4 back teeth?!

😂

What's so wrong with you that you're still with this vile specimen? Are you that desperate to have a boyfriend that you need to scrape the bottom of the barrel? Pull yourself together and realise you can have a fulfilling life on your own, surely that would improve your life massively rather than being repulsed by the one you're with.

Brilliant!

Meant to quote this in regards to my previous 'Brilliant' post!

It sounds like the smoking is a red herring and what you actually can’t stand is his bad breath?

Which is fair enough, I wouldn’t be able to live with it either. Just break up with him.

(I also couldn’t stand the smoking, but it would be the smell on his clothes and in his house).

😂 Yes, there really is nothing else you can do OP.

That's horrible. I think some people weren't brought up to know how to clean their teeth properly. Like you use an electric brush, change the head every 6 weeks, use chlorhexidine mouthwash, floss every tooth, TP brush every tooth you cant floss. Brush tongue. I smoke and it takes about 10 minutes to do the proper routine. Tell him if he doesn't do these things then the relationship is off.
It's disturbing really. He's clearly not scared of the dentist if he's always needing fillings.

You don't seem to like him. I agree it's best to split up now whilst you're young.

Poor guy though. But not your problem.

What are his desirable qualities?

The reason his back teeth are black and tiny is because they have rotted so much the crowns have broken off and it’s literal rotted roots left in his mouth.

If you can't bring yourself to kiss him, and the thought of kissing him makes you feel ill, you've got the ick and there's no going back. The attraction is dead, he sounds absolutely disgusting and why you even need to make a post on this I don't know - just walk away from him and his stumpy black teeth and stinky breath

Are you really that desperate to have a man that you tolerate this grubby creature rather than be single?

Honestly threads on MN just astound me at times with what some women put up with just to say they’ve bagged a bloke

Why not just marry this keeper and be repulsed for the rest your life but hey at least you’ve got a man eh

Why would you stick around? A year in is still early days, this is when people find they’re not compatible and split up.

If kissing is off the table then you’ve got nothing much to gain by persisting with this.

Of course you have. Have you never seen them smile or laugh out loud? You’ve probably just not noticed because their teeth are fine. If they were black stumps you would.

And when you say he only drinks 'full fat drinks' and not water if you mean coke etc rather than milk then no wonder his teeth are rotting away- he's bathing them in sugar

Oh my god, get rid! You can’t build a life with someone who physically disgusts you and who doesn’t have enough respect for himself or you to maintain basic hygiene. He disgusts you - there is no future in this relationship!

Get rid obviously but I'm surprised it took this long to come to this conclusion. Surely you would have spotted this after about a week.