AIBU - going to the Park with kids and a dog

[VeganAvo]

I feel like I am being unreasonable but this is a common event so advice appreciated.

DP has 2 DC and I have 3 DC. My DC are young teens so not particularly into going to the park or family dog walks anymore. His DC are 8 and 11.

As we have a young, super energetic dog, we need to go on daily walks.

DP likes the DC to get out of the house on weekends and the DC like the park so he wants us to all go on these walks together.

This is where it all starts. They always want to take a bike or scooter, so if we are going in the car we have to get all the large items into the car.

Then when we get there they don’t want to ride the bike after 10 mins so DP has to carry it. they complain about walking and it can take us 45 mins to walk one mile. During this time the dog is getting frustrated by the slow speed.

They always expect to go to a play ground park on every walk, FIRST before the dog gets walked. So if we go from home on foot, the dog just gets walked less than half a mile round trip to the play park and back.

Then the dog is attached to the railings getting upset whilst we are stuck inside a park pushing on swings and doing monkey bars (they won’t play in the park without one of us being right there)

Or I am standing outside the park with dog while the dog goes loopy as hasn’t had a proper walk yet. I can’t get the dog to leave them in the park to go walk as she can see them and she refuses to go.

When we convince them we need to leave to walk the dog, they complain the whole way home about having to walk.

This weekend we used the break between the rain to go to good parks that had both play equipment and space to walk the dog. Twice I was stuck there for 45 mins standing still with the dog going more and more loopy as she can’t get to them inside the park, she wouldn’t come with me either, and eventually I said come on can we just go for a walk now? They did not want to come out of the play park to walk the dog, so I said enough now, you have played for ages, we need to walk the dog before it rains again.

The dog got half a mile around a field walk in the end with both DC trailing hundreds of meters behind us in a mood, and both DC have been sulking with me since. DP got all stressed with me saying it’s not a big deal.

I also think it’s good for DC to get out of the house but I find this so stressful as neither the dogs needs or the DC’s are ever met and someone is always unhappy about something.

I think he should let me walk the dog on my own and take the DC to the play park separately unless he’s going to set a time limit on the play equipment so the dog gets a proper walk too, or we go to the play equipment at the end of the dog walk. AIBU?

When we talked about getting a dog I warned him that his kids are not good dog walkers as they are too slow and reluctant for this breed and he was all cocky that it would ‘be fine’.

Why would he have to ‘let you’?

Of course you should walk the dog first while he’s in the park with the kids.

Walk the dog separately. This isn't working for the kids or the dog.

Take the dog out for a walk before going to the park with the children.

Why are you pushing swings?

Another vote for just go and walk the dog, don’t wait for his permission to go on what sounds like an unusually exasperating outing! Considering how old the kids are I’m surprised they’re a) that slow and moaning and b) won’t go in a playground without you next to them or leave when you say.

So no, I think in the situation you’ve described I’d definitely not bring the dog/ wouldn’t feel the need for the whole family to watch that debacle and just quite happily would take the dog myself.

You're not unreasonable, and tbh your partners kids do sound particularly trying for a simple play on the park.

Your 11 and 8 year old won’t play in the playground without you standing next to them? They take 45 minutes to walk a mile? They sound, well, I’m not sure how to phrase this, rather pathetic?

and csn I just say, as someone who lives right next to a playground, your dog barking continuously for 45 minutes is really really fucking annoying and inconsiderate.

and that’s before I’ve even started in what your dp does or does not allow you to do. Allow?!

Walk the dog around the park by yourself while they play??

@BitOutOfPractice She isn’t barking sorry going loopy means pretty much she jumps in circles and runs up and down the railings but it makes me feel bad for her, she doesn’t understand she is just a dog. She would love to go play with them but she can’t as obviously dogs not allowed in the play park so I feel it’s just cruel to her to have to watch them - and she won’t leave them once she knows they are there!

Frankly I find it pathetic with the walking and whinging too and mine wouldn’t be allowed to behave like that.

Just bribe the dog to come with you with some ham or something?

Definitely either walk the dog at the start of the walk so they are ready to chill while kids have a play or just go on dog walk separately to the park trip. Or could you maybe go to a park further away from home and walk there so the dog has already had a decent walk beforehand and gets a decent walk afterwards?

She won’t, I’ve tried everything she gets upset once she can see/hear them. It’s DP really she’s very attached to him. He could walk her and leave me in the play park but not the other way around.

Yes sorry op they’re his kids not yours. They sound like drips to me.

im glad the dog isn’t barking but she’s clearly not happy. Seems cruel to me. I see it literally every day, dogs tied up outside the playground, barking, whining, going bonkers. It’s not nice to witness.

We have a dog; one of us takes the dog out alone on weekend mornings before the days activities get started. Was utter hell trying to combine them! So we keep it separate.

You walk the dog whilst he takes his rather pathetic sounding kids to the play equipment. Do they really want someone to push them on the swings at that age? I'd also veto taking scooters etc if your DH ends up carrying them. You've got to put your foot down about this, it all sounds ridiculously complicated and unnecessary. Nobody in this scenario, including the dog, is enjoying these excursions.

The kids sound rather young for their ages. Very young. This situation would drive me barmy. You have to take the dog out separately.

OP the children are being treated like toddlers. Let your partner take the dog for a walk. Or take the dog separately to the park nonsense or hire a dog walker to give the dog a runaround or failing all else, re-home the dog to someone who can give it a proper walk.

You need to walk the dog first and/or separately. All this is just ridiculous and not fair on the dog.

Not sure why at 8 and 11 they still need pushing on the swings or your constant presence on the play park. They also need to learn that if they take a scooter or bike they need to deal with it.

I would want to say that if you have to be together the dog is walked first and they only get to go to the play park if they don’t whinge about walking! We got dogs when DS was 7/8 and sometimes he moaned but not constantly as this sounds like.

Sounds like the dog needs some training. Do you feed and walk her normally? If you don't, try doing that for a week and she'll most likely happily come with you while your husband entertains the children.

He has really made me think I am unreasonable here and that I have unreasonable expectations. It’s good to hear that’s not everyone’s opinions! Recently they wouldn’t get off the local park gym equipment and none of it was suitable for them as far too big and other people were trying to work out, so watching DP hold them up to everything was not just boring but gave me an ick. You don’t need to play on everything and I said can we just let these people work out in peace and go? Still took another 15 mins to get them off the stuff

You need to remember who is in charge. He puts his foot down over the bike. You make the dog walk with you. I'll be honest I don't understand throwing a fog into a mix like this. You'll both soon have teens, but be stuck with the responsibility of a dog (which needs to realise that you are the boss).

Completely agree.

The more you write the more I genuinely feel sorry for you when these kids are teens (surprisingly not far off in age for their behaviour). My five year old wouldn’t ask us to carry their scooter or bike and nor would we entertain it. You’re so far from unreasonable in this and I’m sorry you’ve been made to think by your partner that you’re the problem in this.

At 8 and 11 they must be unusually small if they can't fit the park gym equipment. The only thing my 7 year old GC can't reach is the sit down cycle. It sounds as if you don't want the stage they are at and understand that, when you've done that stage.

I am very active I love walking and jogging so walking a dog is something Iove to do. I have already done my parenting time of standing in cold damp parks so DP thinks I am just over the whole experience and my expectations of kids aren’t realistic. They are whingy about a million other things don’t get me started on those. This is just what we have dealt with all weekend

What we do is one person goes ahead and walks the dog, other person brings DC down a while later and we then meet at the end to walk back together or go to the cafe or whatever.