AIBU - going to the Park with kids and a dog

[VeganAvo]

I feel like I am being unreasonable but this is a common event so advice appreciated.

DP has 2 DC and I have 3 DC. My DC are young teens so not particularly into going to the park or family dog walks anymore. His DC are 8 and 11.

As we have a young, super energetic dog, we need to go on daily walks.

DP likes the DC to get out of the house on weekends and the DC like the park so he wants us to all go on these walks together.

This is where it all starts. They always want to take a bike or scooter, so if we are going in the car we have to get all the large items into the car.

Then when we get there they don’t want to ride the bike after 10 mins so DP has to carry it. they complain about walking and it can take us 45 mins to walk one mile. During this time the dog is getting frustrated by the slow speed.

They always expect to go to a play ground park on every walk, FIRST before the dog gets walked. So if we go from home on foot, the dog just gets walked less than half a mile round trip to the play park and back.

Then the dog is attached to the railings getting upset whilst we are stuck inside a park pushing on swings and doing monkey bars (they won’t play in the park without one of us being right there)

Or I am standing outside the park with dog while the dog goes loopy as hasn’t had a proper walk yet. I can’t get the dog to leave them in the park to go walk as she can see them and she refuses to go.

When we convince them we need to leave to walk the dog, they complain the whole way home about having to walk.

This weekend we used the break between the rain to go to good parks that had both play equipment and space to walk the dog. Twice I was stuck there for 45 mins standing still with the dog going more and more loopy as she can’t get to them inside the park, she wouldn’t come with me either, and eventually I said come on can we just go for a walk now? They did not want to come out of the play park to walk the dog, so I said enough now, you have played for ages, we need to walk the dog before it rains again.

The dog got half a mile around a field walk in the end with both DC trailing hundreds of meters behind us in a mood, and both DC have been sulking with me since. DP got all stressed with me saying it’s not a big deal.

I also think it’s good for DC to get out of the house but I find this so stressful as neither the dogs needs or the DC’s are ever met and someone is always unhappy about something.

I think he should let me walk the dog on my own and take the DC to the play park separately unless he’s going to set a time limit on the play equipment so the dog gets a proper walk too, or we go to the play equipment at the end of the dog walk. AIBU?

When we talked about getting a dog I warned him that his kids are not good dog walkers as they are too slow and reluctant for this breed and he was all cocky that it would ‘be fine’.

Sounds like a nice plan for next Saturday @VeganAvo nice podcast, cup of coffee and a lovely walk with doggo x

If anything is said, truthfully say that the current arrangement isn’t fair on the dog.

I never say this

You have a dp problem

Sounds like he has no control over his kids. The adult gym stuff my dd7 likes to go on but if an adult is there she comes off

Not allowed to walk the dog ? Wtf

How long have you and dp been together and do the kids only stay at weekends

For God's sake, you aren't joined at the hip, are you? You get up and take the dog for a walk and then he can take his kids to the park later. He sounds really needy if you have to be by his side to do everything together.

If you must go as a family I would go for a walk somewhere without a playground. There are lots of websites and books with family friendly walks. Find short interesting ones, take snacks and build up the kids tolerance for walks.

Go to a different park. You walk the dog, he takes the kids to a park. Then yo uall get home and the kids and dog are chilled out and everyone's happy.

We have an 11 month old spaniel mix, and two kids 8 and 5. Who can walk about 2.5 miles before tiring, eldest could do more. His kids sound like they don’t do much physical movement.

One of us walk the dog alone on the weekend, off the lead in the woods for an hour or so. Then later in the day we do an on lead ‘sniffarie’ walk where the kids come and we dawdle along whilst the dog finds all the dead things she can or annoys cats under cars. Spaniels love sniffing its enriching for them. Would this work for you?

You absolutely can train her to move away from the park as well. Have a look at a book called Mission Control.

How long have you all lived together?

He sounds totally wet - a mixture of being incredibly needy and controlling at the same time.

Take control of your own weekend ... you've done your time of being in parks with your own DC ... just walk the dog on your own ... or better still go out for coffee/lunch/visit an art gallery .. whatever you enjoy - you don't have to hang around with your DP and his children just because you live together. He's the parent, if he wants to carry their scooters and help them in the equipment just leave him to it. Does he expect you do a lot of caring for the DC? Same old story of a single Dad getting a new woman to move in and care for his children....

Why do you always have to do everything just how he wants it done?

Jog with the dog and leave DP to sort out his wimpy offspring.

You take the dog for a nice long walk and he takes his kids to the park.

Your current arrangement doesn't sound like a good result for your dog.

Ah. You resent your step-children.

Sounds like he needs an enthusiastic female audience to watch him parenting his own DC. Just start walking the dog when you wake up and tell him you aren't going to the park, if he doesn't like it - tough.

This sounds exactly like my weekends, I have the whinging, the bargaining to get my child out of the park, the not wanting to walk far. Even the carrying scooters/bike is the same. But my child doing that is only just 3, whereas my 11 year old DC is holding the lead and walking with enthusiasm. Children of that age should be easily walking several miles without moaning.

@Ethylred no I resent DP’s parenting. They are kids. They are products of their environment. My post is about DP being annoying. I don’t understand why he isn’t stepping in with more boundaries

Equally OP I don't understand why you aren't more assertive, why do you feel you have to do what your DP wants? They are his kids, he needs to parent them. How long have you been together?
I don't have step children but my DH and I never felt we had to do everything together when our DC were younger .. one of us would go to the park or whatever and the other would do their own thing .. there's no need to go round in a gaggle all the time.
Where are your own DC when all this drama is going on?

I would resent him being a total Disney dad. Also yes the park is boring, you're allowed to be bored by it op. I'd walk the dog without them and let them go to the park on their own. 8&11 and they need babied around the swings? He's setting them up for disaster as they grow up

Will he understand if you show him some information about spaniels and how much exercise and stimulation they actually need, and that a mile or so at 0.5 mph just doesn't cut it?

A dog walk should be a dog walk. Dogs can come along on family trips sometimes but they really do need walks that are for them, not for other people.

Maybe start the early morning walk idea and let him see how much happier she is?

You have a seriously bad DP problem.

He won't parent his children properly but expects you to hang around and "help".
He wanted a dog but won't be a responsible dog owner.
He won't let you do anything without his agreement - or at least you feel as though you can't.

So he can't parent, he can't be a dog owner and he can't be a proper partner. He sounds like a huge waste of oxygen, do you really want another tantrumming child? It's time for a cards on the table type talk, or you decide this is no longer a long term relationship and leave.

I got the ick just from reading your posts.

Well the DC have clearly learned their clingy behaviour from their father!
OP my kids are 8 and 11 and I have a very lively dog. If we go to the park they have to either play with the dog, throw balls etc, or they can entertain themselves in the playground while the dog gets a proper walk.
Whining and farting about with not using scooters etc means a telling off, and they don't get to bring them the next time.

Re your DP, you don't need his permission to walk the damn dog. He is not prioritising the poor animal by indulging his bratty kids.
Why does he insist on 'family time' when it's blindingly obvious that everyone is having a shit time?

Well his assumption would he right, wouldn't it? The kids are spoiled drips because of his parenting. I couldn't live with them.

Go for an early dog walk with no DH or DC. If he gets funny about it, just say you can all go again later in the day..and then let him deal with all the hassle while you sit on a bench and read/have a coffee