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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU - going to the Park with kids and a dog

96 replies

VeganAvo · 07/07/2024 18:05

I feel like I am being unreasonable but this is a common event so advice appreciated.

DP has 2 DC and I have 3 DC. My DC are young teens so not particularly into going to the park or family dog walks anymore. His DC are 8 and 11.

As we have a young, super energetic dog, we need to go on daily walks.

DP likes the DC to get out of the house on weekends and the DC like the park so he wants us to all go on these walks together.

This is where it all starts. They always want to take a bike or scooter, so if we are going in the car we have to get all the large items into the car.

Then when we get there they don’t want to ride the bike after 10 mins so DP has to carry it. they complain about walking and it can take us 45 mins to walk one mile. During this time the dog is getting frustrated by the slow speed.

They always expect to go to a play ground park on every walk, FIRST before the dog gets walked. So if we go from home on foot, the dog just gets walked less than half a mile round trip to the play park and back.

Then the dog is attached to the railings getting upset whilst we are stuck inside a park pushing on swings and doing monkey bars (they won’t play in the park without one of us being right there)

Or I am standing outside the park with dog while the dog goes loopy as hasn’t had a proper walk yet. I can’t get the dog to leave them in the park to go walk as she can see them and she refuses to go.

When we convince them we need to leave to walk the dog, they complain the whole way home about having to walk.

This weekend we used the break between the rain to go to good parks that had both play equipment and space to walk the dog. Twice I was stuck there for 45 mins standing still with the dog going more and more loopy as she can’t get to them inside the park, she wouldn’t come with me either, and eventually I said come on can we just go for a walk now? They did not want to come out of the play park to walk the dog, so I said enough now, you have played for ages, we need to walk the dog before it rains again.

The dog got half a mile around a field walk in the end with both DC trailing hundreds of meters behind us in a mood, and both DC have been sulking with me since. DP got all stressed with me saying it’s not a big deal.

I also think it’s good for DC to get out of the house but I find this so stressful as neither the dogs needs or the DC’s are ever met and someone is always unhappy about something.

I think he should let me walk the dog on my own and take the DC to the play park separately unless he’s going to set a time limit on the play equipment so the dog gets a proper walk too, or we go to the play equipment at the end of the dog walk. AIBU?

When we talked about getting a dog I warned him that his kids are not good dog walkers as they are too slow and reluctant for this breed and he was all cocky that it would ‘be fine’.

OP posts:
macaroniandcheeze · 07/07/2024 18:54

Why does he have to let you walk the dog alone? Just take the dog for a walk. If he wants to take his children to the park he can do that.

ZeroFucksGivenToday · 07/07/2024 18:55

Does DP ever take the kids on his own to the park? Or does this have to be a shared activity because he doesn't want to do it alone.

Just go and walk the dog, he can be funny all he wants.

When DD is at her dad's, (she's 11) she often stays in the house for an hour on her own as she doesn't want to go on the walk. Can you leave the elder one at home if he's whinging that much?

LyricalGangsta · 07/07/2024 18:58

My word.
Not step kids but with my own kids I always said any crap you bring you carry.
I would also say we are walking the dog first and the sooner we get that done the sooner we will get to the park.
Obviously not as easy for you to take that tact as they aren't your children but I wouldn't be being dictated to by mine or anyone else's kids.
The partner throwing a wobbly is controlling behaviour - he knows the combined walk/park crap doesn't work. He probably hates the rod he's created for his own back (doing what the kids want and carrying their junk) and wants you to suffer too as he knows he's not really in a position to say that HE is nipping out with the dog while you take HIS kids to the park
Grin

VeganAvo · 07/07/2024 18:58

Yes the DC get to go to the park nearly every day. He takes them all the time. It’s an expectation. He likes it. I don’t like it. He thinks I just find it boring. We are clashing as yes it is kind of boring, I don’t deny that. Walking cannot be that boring they just don’t seem to be encouraged to enjoy it they see it as a chore. Then I come out with my lecture about dog ownership and we talked about this before getting a dog so it can’t be a surprise

OP posts:
FTPM1980 · 07/07/2024 18:59

I mean it's common for kids to whine and complain, but he needs to set some rules.
I don't understand why you are driving, taking bikes and scooters, that they are then leaving? They are 8 and 11, not 4 and 3!

We walk our dog two or 3 times a day - so if we then add an extra family walk in its no bother, she's not frustrated.
But if she was the yes obviously we would split it up and either walk her first...and the kids get to play after the walk, or do them separately.

VeganAvo · 07/07/2024 19:01

I get up at least 2 hours before DP every weekend so I might just start taking her without his apparent permission anyway.

OP posts:
LeopardPrintIsNeutral · 07/07/2024 19:01

VeganAvo · 07/07/2024 18:14

She won’t, I’ve tried everything she gets upset once she can see/hear them. It’s DP really she’s very attached to him. He could walk her and leave me in the play park but not the other way around.

You can train this behaviour out of her, high value treats, coaxing her, toys.

3kids3dogs · 07/07/2024 19:02

I always walk mine without the kids.

Kids and dog walking is never fun in my experience, just a load of moaning humans and a bored dog!

Nellieinthebarn · 07/07/2024 19:03

Get up early and walk the dog on your own, and let your DH parent his own children.

DickJagger · 07/07/2024 19:03

VeganAvo · 07/07/2024 19:01

I get up at least 2 hours before DP every weekend so I might just start taking her without his apparent permission anyway.

OP, why are you so casual about the vile controlling behaviour of this man?

How can you possibly believe that you need permission from him to do anything?

Jackjackjackaroo · 07/07/2024 19:03

Why do you have to all go to the Park as a Family Confused
We have a Hyper Puppy and 3 DCs a little younger than your DHs. We go to the Park as a Family, I walk the DDog and my DH stays in the Park with the Kjds. Two parents do not need to be inside a Play park with an 8 and 10yr old! Hate to use a classic Mumsnet phrase BUT you have a DH problem here, it's not the DCs.

Julyshouldbesunny · 07/07/2024 19:05

2 hour lie in? Are you supervising his dc then?

ThatsAFineLookingHighHorse · 07/07/2024 19:06

More fool you if you're letting this man dictate what you can do and when you can do it because he wants you there for HIS children.

You have your own teens to be there for. And your dog. Who isn't getting the exercise he needs because you're letting him run the show.

You're an equal in that marriage presumably. Act like it. Stop catering to his and his needs when he is there and perfectly capable. And if he's 'not', and he really is, he'll have to figure it out, wont' he.

VeganAvo · 07/07/2024 19:07

I am usually already up or they just watch TV, they don’t need supervising they are old enough. He isn’t controlling I think he thinks I am controlling though. He wouldn’t do anything bad if I walked the dog I just know he would assume I don’t like his DC or his parenting and take it very personally, like he currently is.

OP posts:
Flippingflamingo · 07/07/2024 19:08

You set off from home 30 minutes before DP and DC. You walk the dong alone and then join them at the park at the end of the walk.

Jacqjacqgeau · 07/07/2024 19:08

Just tell him you’re going and go. You don’t need permission.

This current situation isn’t working and the dog will end up getting more frustrated.

Santasbigredbobblehat · 07/07/2024 19:08

They all sound annoying and exhausting.

outdamnedspots · 07/07/2024 19:09

You take the dog for a walk, your p takes his kids to the park. This isn't working for anyone!

Lengokengo · 07/07/2024 19:10

Another man who thinks his gf isn’t functioning correctly if she fails to do childcare. Fuck that. Walk the dog in the morning, and don’t go to the playground . Job done.

maddening · 07/07/2024 19:13

You take out dog 15 mins before he goes out with the kids. You walk the dog and circle back to meet them at the park towards the end of their play time.

PoppyCherryDog · 07/07/2024 19:14

BitOutOfPractice · 07/07/2024 18:10

Your 11 and 8 year old won’t play in the playground without you standing next to them? They take 45 minutes to walk a mile? They sound, well, I’m not sure how to phrase this, rather pathetic?

and csn I just say, as someone who lives right next to a playground, your dog barking continuously for 45 minutes is really really fucking annoying and inconsiderate.

and that’s before I’ve even started in what your dp does or does not allow you to do. Allow?!

This. Reading the thread without knowing the ages you’d think they’re about 4.

MonsteraMama · 07/07/2024 19:15

Walk the fecking dog whenever you like, you don't need his permission.

Her clinginess can be trained out of her, nevermind this "she won't" nonsense. She fecking will, she's a dog, teach her.

The pecking order in your family at the moment appears to be:

DP's kids > DP > The Dog > You

Change that before the kids are teens FGS.

Coconutter24 · 07/07/2024 19:17

If it’s not working then something needs to change, it doesn’t sound like the relaxing fun family time I’m sure your partner was hoping it would be. Could you tell the kids the dog gets walked and park at the end so if they drag their feet and moan there’s no park failing that tell your partner your walking the dog and he can take kids to park

Noseybookworm · 07/07/2024 19:18

Tell him he can take his kids to the park and you're going somewhere else to walk the dog. All meet up later at home for lunch or tea or whatever. You don't have to go along with his say-so. If he wants to stand around in a park watching an 8 and 11 year old playing, that's up to him. You don't have to be there!

Noseybookworm · 07/07/2024 19:20

VeganAvo · 07/07/2024 19:01

I get up at least 2 hours before DP every weekend so I might just start taking her without his apparent permission anyway.

Why on earth would you need his permission?