If your kids use screens in a restaurant

[bravefox]

... at least have the decency to bring headphones or put them on silent.

Took my two out for a bite to eat after clubs this morning, would have been quieter to sit in an arcade. If you must let your kids use a tablet etc while they're waiting fine, but please don't make the rest of us listen to it.

YABU: deal with it
YANBU: turn the sound off!!

Oh honestly such ridiculous virtue signalling. I have been out for dinner 4 times this month with my son. Only once did we resort to cocomelon and the phone. All other visits you would have seen us and been praising us for how fabulous we and the child are. The last one he had morphed into a baby demon and at the point he decided to throw a crayon at an innocent bystander was the point I gave in.

Am I teaching him that throwing crayons gets cocomelon. Maybe. When you see that 20yo adult running round throwing crayons and demanding cocomelon in a few decades then you can blame me. 🤣

You have had experience with the NT children you know. That’s not representative of them all though.

My son uses maps to help him regulate, google maps allows him to zoom in and out in an a way paper maps don’t (and opening and OS map at the table creates even more issues!) it means he can go out and enjoy himself. It does no harm to anyone else!

I agree that they need to have headphones, but you can’t judge on why these children have tablets or mobile phones. My son has ADHD and the only thing that will centre his focus is a video. It’s physically impossible to get him to sit still and eat without it.

@BusyCM it depends on the ND child and the way their neurodiversity manifests. If society was accepting of ALL those manifestations (stimmying, noises etc) then yes , probably a very limited number of ND children would need such a distraction. However it isn't. So a lot of parents have a choice. Never take their kids to these places and expose them to different environments and things, or simply normal family life or make adjustments and use tools that can ameliorate the situation, including screens.

It's often a question of balance.

Mummy gets to eat her dinner in peace - happy Mummy who feels recharged and more like interacting with the children in a positive way at other times of the day.
Mummy doesn't get to eat her dinner at all and spends the whole meal walking a restless toddler up and down outside - sad, overwhelmed hungry Mummy who feels a failure as a parent and has less to give her children.

Of course, there are other options as well like:

Useless Mummy - TV always on at home, baby has a phone passed to them in the pushchair, kids are chucked screens whenever they're out, 5yo has a nintendo and essentially goes out of her way to avoid any sort of interaction with her sproglets.

Perfect Mummy - gets up in the morning with a smile like sunshine for her progeny, devotes herself all day uncomplainingly to their needs while simultaneously holding down a full-time job and initiates interesting conversational topics when eating out, safe in the knowledge that everyone will behave perfectly because they always do.

In reality, most parents compromise somewhere because they're only human. They don't give their kids their best 100% of the time because they can't. If you see a kid on a screen in a restaurant, you might be witnessing someone's piss-poor parenting or simply the compromise of the day.

Did you have headphones for Coco Melon on this occasion?

It's lazy parenting. My 4 year old takes a toy with him when we go places.

My NT kids never had screens because they were easy to parent- give them a colouring book and job done. Didn’t make me any better or ‘less lazy’ than other parents who use screens, just had a much easier set of circumstances. Nothing to feel smug or superior about.

@123letsblaze it really isn’t. Educate yourself.

No but it was on so quietly no one else would hear and we were sitting outside.

I guarantee you the surrounding guests would have felt relief at the situation considering what we all had endured (including them) for the last 15 minutes.

As I said screens for us are not a planned event. I don’t even think of using a phone at dinner. This was us about to walk out and trying as a last resort. And I doubt headphones would have gone down well anyway. This is a 2 year old we are talking about.

It is lazy parenting because all of us survived eating out without devices. Can't the parents actually engage with their children? Ds is 19 now but we never once took a device out with us in order to "occupy" him. We chatted to him, taught him eating out etiquette and he was fully engaged and enjoying the experience. I hate to see kids staring at screens in restaurants etc completely detached from their family and the world around them whilst mindlessly eating.

I can answer this one. As someone who worked in hospitality for many years, staff aren't paid nearly enough, or have anywhere near enough time, to worry about kids on tablets.

I think you have highlighted something for me. I am completely accepting and tolerant of any and all ND manifestations, whatever the form, far more so than noise from devices which I find preoccupy my own thoughts and conversations, I can't block them out and I find it massively overstimulating.

Thank you for your comment.

Previous generations also survived without smartphones but I don't see many people handing theirs back.

I don’t know why I click on these threads because the comments always drive me crazy. When you look at a parent with children who are using screens, why do you think you know the whole story to be able to judge them?

I have two children aged 2 & 3. 2 year old has a disability due to a genetic disorder and 3 year old has Autism. You wouldn’t know it when you look at them but my 2 year old gets so overwhelmed when being in a busy place, so much so that we hardly go to restaurants. The 3 year old? Mate. She will go crazy in a restaurant. She’ll want to climb on seats, she’ll jump off of her seat and try to run around. Can’t put her in a high chair because she’ll scream bloody murder.

In an attempt to prevent this madness, I’ll give her my phone to watch Peppa Pig or whatever the hell will make her quiet. She doesn’t wear headphones because she can’t deal with the sensory feedback it gives her. The volume will be so quiet, she practically can’t hear what’s said but as she watched the same shows over and over again, she probably knows it word for word. No, I can’t get out colouring with her because she’ll eat the crayons and draw all over the table with felt tips. No, I can’t bring a toy because that’s going to get thrown at someone’s head.

I can go on and on really. I think the OP is really reasonable but some of the comments? Just crazy. It’s hard enough trying to go to a restaurant with two toddlers let alone someone accusing you of lazy parenting just so that everyone can enjoy a bit of peace and quiet?! Luckily, we only go to family friendly places like Nando’s, TGI’s were it’s noisy as fuck anyway

Not just kids - ANYONE using a device in public need to use blooming headphones…

regularly travel on public transport and regularly want to throw devices out of the window as adults scroll through instagram or tic toc etc with blasting music videos…

drives me insane!!!!

I don’t care how you parent your kid nor how you entertain yourself on the train - but I DON’T WANT TO LISTEN TO IT!

USE HEADPHONES OR SOUND OFF

(and breathe….)

Yep.

The volume of a meltdown would be worse...and teach the other kids vocabulary you'd rather them not learn...

I'm don't think smart phones and their general usefulness in society due to technological advances can be compared on the same level to absolutely having to have tablets to keep children calm and entertained during a meal in a restaurant, ND or otherwise.

I also don't believe the whole 'it was on so low, it wouldn't have bothered other patrons, especially due to the behaviour they were having to endure anyway'. Take them bloody out then! I bet they were bothered. So so rude, selfish and entitled. No electronics without headphones should be the standard rule. If a child, ND or not, can't or won't adhere to this then that restaurant is not for you.

For better, for worse, we live in the world that we live in. Parents are parenting in completely different circumstances, in a society where we're always "on" and with different stresses and strains than in the past. It's unrealistic to expect all parents to parent as if it was 20/30 years ago.

Edited to add:
That said, I do agree with the OP that people should show consideration for others. And others should show consideration too by keeping their noses out of other people's parenting.

how do ypu think we managed before screens?

This with bells on.

As a mum to an autistic child I know a lot of parents of disabled children through groups etc. specifically for us. I also know a lot of parents of NT kids in my family and general friendship circle. It is overwhelmingly those who have ND kids who will use tablets and devices when out and about. 99% of my friends with neurotypical kids are in the ‘no we don’t allow that’ camp.

Please if you are going into a restaurant or cafe and see a child using screens, you are just seeing a tiny snapshot of that family’s day and life. You have no idea what their situation is.

Since we now have screens, that's irrelevant imo.

Ah bless,

They're bloody hard work when they're dysregulated!

You never know what shit they are going to pull next.

Just keep doing what you need to do to keep the show more or less on the road and try not to think of the "ought to" which probably only applies to the none disabled.

Without screens, we just would not have left the house when ASD dd was young. She would not have been exposed to the experience of being out and about with ever decreasing screen time. I highly doubt we would now have a teenager who can fully participate in meals out

Parent your child how you like, just don’t make me have to listen to it. Use headphones.