To implode about DH ruining my clothes every fucking week.

[Aplatterofpuss]

DH is an Oxbridge educated 50 year old man with a good job in computer programming.
We have been married for 10 years.
He gets the mental load stuff and does the lion’s share of the domestic stuff during the week as I’m a teacher and work longer hours.

I have taught him how to do the laundry 450 bazillion times. I have shown him. I have told him. We have hammered it out in couples therapy that it’s not an exclusively female skill-set to be able to simply wash plain whites, light colours, dark colours in batches, read the care labels on everything and basically treat all the clothes as if they’re his musical equipment.

After thrashing this out in therapy a few weeks ago and him apologising profusely and insisting he does care and is sorry, I came home last weekend to him having washed coloured items with whites rendering many of my things grey and ruined. I was angry. It was not nice.

We again, talked about it. He blamed me because he’s found some bits on the floor by the washing machine and ASSUMED that they were sorted by me so just bunged them all in together.

This Saturday, I woke up, separated ALL of the washing in to separate piles on the landing, put the dark wash on and went to leave the house. DH asked me if the laundry on the landing had been sorted by me and I said yes.

When I returned, I emptied the fucking washing machine to find lots of my white clothes ruined by the fact that he’d put blue tea towels, multicoloured teatowels and white and blue towels in with my pure white knickers and tops.

I told him I was annoyed and that he must be doing this because they’re not his belongings.
I said that he needed to pay me back for my damaged clothes and that if I decided to put his laptop in the dishwasher and insist I did care and I didn’t mean to damage it he would be furious. He said it was obviously not the same thing and was, again, very sorry.

I amso so so angry.

Who let the incels out?

Requesting is nagging???

Oh, didn't know that....

It’s not normal to ruin clothes on a weekly basis, just to buy new ones. It’s a waste and awful for the environment. It’s depressing that people don’t care more.

The MRAs have arrived!

See I don’t see the point in giving instructions over and over and over again, it’s more hassle than just doing it yourself. Give him a job you always do that doesn’t need instructions and take the washing or whatever it is he can’t get right back.

Because there are people on here who don't know how to do washing and don't care, either.

You can tell who they are when you're out and about - their clothes are grey and rumpled.

Ugh.

I'm a woman and I completely hate Tidy Bores. I am so glad I'm not a lesbian because hardly any men are Tidy Bores. Some are but they're easily avoided.

Sorry you are experiencing this too.
Careless cunts.
You should see how anal DH is about taking care of his vinyl and electrical wires. I may just tidy them all up for him.

Ha!

🤣🤣🤣 why are you wearing white school shirts like you're in grange hill?

That's exactly what you need to do.
Fuck up his stuff. Give him a taste of his own medicine

Sure.

We also do this, although I agree with the others… stop him from doing the washing!

Eh?
I don't.

YANBU this would piss me off.

You somehow manage to wash the clothes fine, so why as a grown adult can’t he.

Does he not like doing the laundry?
Is this him being tactical?

I struggle to say this because he should learn how to do it properly but honestly it sounds like so many arguments are caused by this one thing that I think you should do the laundry yourself (just load and press start, he can do everything else) and swap it for another chore that you do.

If my DH was this picky about his clothes I wouldn’t wash them. I just bung everything in together and that will do.

have your own laundry basket and get him to leave your clothes - it’s not as if he’s lazy, you said he does a lot round the house, you just don’t like the way he does laundry. It’s not a big deal.

@Aplatterofpuss his behaviour is deliberate. Where you go from here, I have no idea.

I don't understand what you think is unrealistic. I'm stressing even imagining the toxic vibes in your house. "I told you to DUST THE SKIRTING DEREK"

But that’s the most frustrating thing isn’t it.

He’s very capable and will take great care with his own stuff but because it’s your stuff then he doesn’t care if he gets it wrong and messes it up.

I have literally never separated washing in my entire life and have never had an issue with clothes ruined.
I should add, I use nothing fancy to prevent this.
I don't understand how this keeps happening to you!

There’s always shit loads of internalised misogyny on MN (you should check out the step parenting threads!) but more than usual today.
Get out of the way Carrie Johnson et al, the grown up women are in town.

If you think clothes go grey from washing you must do because normal clothes do not

Yes.
Obviously this is a symptom of a difficult marriage.

I hope your therapy helps you to resolve things.

Probably not worth engaging with this guy tbh!

I agree with this although it is a shame he just can't manage such a simple task.