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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

It’s my birthday and nobody got me anything

65 replies

autismmumx · 06/07/2024 14:13

Just feeling really sad. I’ve been in hospital all week unwell and got discharged on Thursday afternoon. Me and my partner haven’t had much money recently, but it’s my birthday today and he didn’t get me anything from him or our little boy. I didn’t expect anything much but even some flowers from the garage would have been appreciated.

I got a short ‘happy birthday’ message from my mum, who had our son last night. She text me saying he’d had a nice Facetime with his auntie (my sister) but they didn’t think to FaceTime me for my birthday. He’s non-verbal and autistic and I’m not sure if he even knows it’s my birthday.

I had told her I wanted to collect him early today to spend the day with him but she’s taken him out without telling me so I’ve just watching TV on the sofa.

My friends haven’t messaged me so I’m assuming they forgot. The only message I’ve had is from my granny.

My partner saw I was upset and said ‘why don’t we go and get you some flowers?’ I don’t want to seem ungrateful but I don’t want to go with him to choose flowers for my birthday because it’s not the same.

It’s not a big birthday, it’s my 29th. But I’ve had such a bad time with my health recently that it’s just made me really sad.

AIBU to be upset about this or should I just get over it as it’s just a birthday?

OP posts:
Ilovecakey · 06/07/2024 14:17

Happy Birthday! I'm sorry no one got you anything. Could you ask your partner to go out and buy you a nice cake or something else that you like?

Whateveryouwant1 · 06/07/2024 14:21

Happy Birthday!
Sorry you've not had a great time of it lately

sarahc336 · 06/07/2024 14:25

Happy birthday op, if I were you I'd go and buy myself some flowers. I'm a bit shocked your partner didn't get you even something tiny 🙈

puffylovett · 06/07/2024 14:32

You’re not being unreasonable. It’s hurtful that your partner hasn’t thought about you.
I can feel your pain, I still bear the scars from the Christmas where I had to sit and watch my fam open all the gifts I’d sourced while there was nothing at all for me. I sobbed all day.
it’s just been my 50th and I got a bunch of flowers and the kids moaning about my restaurant choice (that I put my foot down and dragged everyone to!)
my partner is shit at birthdays and christmasses :(
just makes you feel unloved and uncared for.

JollyGreenSnake · 06/07/2024 14:32

Happy birthday OP. I would have thought that your partner or your mum would have helped your DS to make you cards at the very least.

Foodieasfuck · 06/07/2024 14:36

Oh that’s so miserable for you 😢
Happy Birthday to you 🎂

Fraaahnces · 06/07/2024 14:37

Honestly, stop minimising how hurt you are and calmly tell your partner this. It’s perfectly reasonable. Next year you’re 30. You expect better and not just then. He never feels forgotten on his birthday because you put in an effort and thought ahead of time. You expect the same.

Pinklady1982830 · 06/07/2024 14:38

Happy birthday sending you a virtual hug go and treat yourself to something nice once your up to it

AtrociousCircumstance · 06/07/2024 14:39

Tell your partner how you feel! And your mum!

And…. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! 🎉🥳🎂🎁🎈🎊

HowIrresponsible · 06/07/2024 14:39

Happy Birthday. Quite simple id ignore your partners and mothers birthday etc going forward.

Despair1 · 06/07/2024 14:40

Happy Birthday OP and I am sorry that you have been unwell and in hospital. I totally understand why you are upset and your partner suggesting you go and choose flowers is abit late in the day and meaningless. As hard as it is, please try to let this go for your own wellbeing. Are you in a position to treat yourself to your own birthday gift at some time in the near future; you certainly deserve it. For reasons that I won't explain here, I have made a point of buying my own birthday gift ( because I deserve it and so do you!).
I hope you feel better soon

Despair1 · 06/07/2024 14:41

AtrociousCircumstance · 06/07/2024 14:39

Tell your partner how you feel! And your mum!

And…. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! 🎉🥳🎂🎁🎈🎊

Good advice!

Justcallmebebes · 06/07/2024 14:42

Happy Birthday. That's really rubbish, I'm sorry and I'd be really upset too. Maybe your mum will give you a card and present when you get your son back? Send your partner out to get you a nice tea, cake and a drink Flowers

Member984815 · 06/07/2024 14:42

Happy birthday and I'm so sorry you are having such a shitty time .

ILoveToCleanSaidNooneEver · 06/07/2024 14:45

Happy birthday @autismmumx 🎂

DampDust · 06/07/2024 14:46

@autismmumx Happy Birthday Darling x
Talk with your hubby and tell him you are upset no one got you anything. Hopefully he will be mortified, and never do it again

wizzywig · 06/07/2024 14:47

puffylovett · 06/07/2024 14:32

You’re not being unreasonable. It’s hurtful that your partner hasn’t thought about you.
I can feel your pain, I still bear the scars from the Christmas where I had to sit and watch my fam open all the gifts I’d sourced while there was nothing at all for me. I sobbed all day.
it’s just been my 50th and I got a bunch of flowers and the kids moaning about my restaurant choice (that I put my foot down and dragged everyone to!)
my partner is shit at birthdays and christmasses :(
just makes you feel unloved and uncared for.

Did things change after that year?

stinkymonkey52 · 06/07/2024 14:48

Happy birthday flower xx

RedHelenB · 06/07/2024 14:49

Since your mum had your ds why didn't you take your partner up on his offer to go out and have a coffee/ meal out or something?

Sunsetsandcocktails · 06/07/2024 14:50

Happy birthday OP! So sorry you’re feeling down, it’s really shitty of your partner and mum not to have made any effort for you. Is there a chance your mum might have got you something and will give to you later?

I think if you can afford it you definitely should treat yourself - can you order an online afternoon tea or cake or something? And don’t share it!

I do think you should say something to your DP and mum though. It’s clearly too late now for him to be getting birthday flowers for you but could you tell him you’d like him to make a bit of an effort this weekend?

GMH1974 · 06/07/2024 14:51

Happy birthday.
I always hate my birthday because I'm also hurt family and close friends don't make more (or sometimes any) effort. I'm 50 this year and will be very upset if people don't make a bit of a fuss.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 06/07/2024 14:56

RedHelenB · 06/07/2024 14:49

Since your mum had your ds why didn't you take your partner up on his offer to go out and have a coffee/ meal out or something?

Unless I've missed it, her partner didn't offer to take her out for a meal or coffee...he offered to take her for flowers. It shouldn't be down to OP to suggest something for her birthday

trytofly · 06/07/2024 15:01

Idontjetwashthefucker · 06/07/2024 14:56

Unless I've missed it, her partner didn't offer to take her out for a meal or coffee...he offered to take her for flowers. It shouldn't be down to OP to suggest something for her birthday

It really shouldn’t, but they could go anyway.

TrtseHkpr · 06/07/2024 15:01

Happy birthday OP, I'm very sorry no-one acknowledged your special day. Treat yourself to something nice and make sure you treat your family to absolutely nothing on their birthdays.

Andwegoroundagain · 06/07/2024 15:03

It just all depends doesn't it.
For me .. having someone look after DS would have been the perfect gift. And I hate getting rubbish presents so would not have bothered me to get nothing from family. But I'm not a birthday person really.
If you are and your DP knows you are then that's a bit of a shame.

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