Parents comment about children on sports day!

[Whistledown1005]

Well I absolutely know I'm not being u reasonable but I'm just stunned at what came out of this dad's mouth!

I've spoken to him a couple times and I am friends with his wife. He seemed OK. We were discussing the running races and I commented on how fast his son was and how well he had done. His reply was this........
"It was nice to see all the kids cheering on the fatty children last in the race and struggling at the back"
I was stunned didn't know what to say, so I turned around and started speaking to someone else.
Why did I not say anything! I think I was too shocked that someone would say something so horrible.

Please give me some come backs that I could have said

He was being factual.

Some people are fat! It isn't "fattist" to acknowledge that!

On the contrary it is ridiculous and blatantly, transparently patronising and embarrassing to pretend not to know, or to try and police other people's language to attempt to edit reality out of existence

The comment about fat was totally unnecessary, unhelpful and unfunny.

While childhood health and fitness trends are a concern, stigmatising children who are struggling is not the answer.

Children can struggle with sport for many reasons such as dyspraxia, poor muscle tone. Excessive weight can be a symptom of a difficulty in life as an individual or family as much as a cause. The children I know who have least fitness all have some form of adverse circumstance going on.
He's not privy to the underlying issues and calling children "fatties" when their lifestyle is usually beyond their control is just nasty.

I was ritually last- not a "fatty" though. Just very small compared to my peers and likely undiagnosed dyspraxic (son is diagnosed)

I think I'd have laughed and said "Fatty kids? Come on.... it is nice that they'reall supporting each other though, you're right" in response. That way you keep it easy going but still signal that the words aren't great.

Did he say "fatty children" with fatty as an adjective - it isn't used that way round here but might be different where you are - or was it more that he started to say "fatties" and then self corrected it to "children".

The second option shows some self awareness at least and I do think that being in school grounds take some people back 30 years... they start using negative phrases from their own school days. A bit like when we all get together at my mums at Christmas and she's faced with 3 mid-thirties adults reverting to kids, bickering and unable to make a simple cheese toasties.

It's just odd that he'd use a negative term unironically when ultimately he's gone out of his way to praise inclusivity.

He used nasty words which the children don’t deserve. However, he isn’t the real problem. It is not fair on the overweight kids to let them get so unhealthy. I know it isn’t easy to deal with but their parents need to do their job and try to tackle it and schools need to have more active time where fun games and sports are played instead of children sitting still in classrooms for so long.

I don’t think he would have found that the cutting response you might think it is.

He was poking fun at the children struggling

"It was nice to see all the kids cheering on the fatty children last in the race and struggling at the back"

How are you putting those two things together? That’s nonsense!
It wasn’t kind of him to use the word fatty.
But that sentence is poking fun at all. You’re winding yourself up for the fun and drama of it. If you literally remove the description fatty, the sentence is fine. And even with it, it’s not poking fun. The point of his sentence is that it’s nice to see cheering for those struggling. The reason they’re struggling (because for most: they simply have shit parents) isn’t the point at all.

There was an awful lot of very fat /
overweight kids at sports day and it is nice that there friends cheer them on. Very sad that their parents over feed them so much though.
Maybe the parents should have to do a few laps with them. I’m overweight myself but my children certainly anit. Some of those primary schoolers must weigh the same as me.

What I actually loved was the teachers running with the Sen kids, Sen kids being able to run with their teddies or whatever was their particular comfort and their ear defenders rather than just made to sit on the far end of the field and shut up.

I guess I know the guy/family and therefore I know more context. This dad is a boys will be boys, my children have to be the best type guy. Who also puts his wife down often.
So therefore I don't think he was making a passing comment. He was poking fun at the "fat kids" struggling compared with his perfect DC who can run fast and is sporty.

He just said what everyone else was thinking, though fat would have been better than fatty.

Everyone knows that being overweight/obese makes exercise harder, it is basic science, and euphemisms won’t change it. And he was being positive about everyone trying hard and supporting the children, he wasn’t calling them fat to their face.

Being overweight is a medical and not a moral issue.

Yes I agree. We had a nother Dad smugly smile, and say "Oh that kid's going the wrong way, haha is that one yours?" Dh politely said yes "yes he's ours." His NT child was going the right way. I was really irritated, my ND child was doing bloody amazing by just being there. It wasn't the sodding Olympics! And for context my dc is slim, I wouldn't want to know what he was thinking about some other children.

The same parents funnily enough pressure their kids to be the best at everything; the poor children look miserable.

Are you fat OP? I'm guessing not. My fat friends are the ones who make fat jokes.

However from your last post it does seem that the intent was to be mean, in which case it wasn't ok. Might you, you do sound like the be kind police. Which itself can be very irritating for different reasons.

Why post on AIBU if you're so convinced you're not being unreasonable? So everyone can give you a big pat on the back for being so kind about the poor little fat children?

Well maybe aibu is the wrong place because as I said in my OP I don't believe I am being unreasonable

I saw another dad watching his son whilst he was doing the most jumps over a hurdle type thing in a min. The dad was counting with the teacher and his son fell over. He told his son off for falling over, then told him he needs to do this and that. After every activity the boy kept looking over at his dad for reassurance he was good enough.
It's a bloody sports day in primary school 🙈 no wonder some kids feel so much pressure

Not sure why you're surprised OP. People talk like this about overweight adults and children all the time when they're in the presence of people they assume will be like minded (ie, not fat themselves) Not really worth a come back as those sorts of attitudes towards weight run very deep and people think as long as they don't say them to overweight people, no harm done.

Whilst i wouldn't have used those words, he is correct in his sentiment.

I was shocked recently at driving through an area near a primary school at the huge amount of overweight children.

namechangetheworld · Yesterday 21:43
I couldn't get worked up about it. Some kids ARE fat. Some adults are fat too. It's not like he said it within their earshot.
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My favourite part of Sports Day is seeing the children cheering on the classmates who are lagging behind. Fat or otherwise. Brilliant sense of camraderie and some adults could learn a thing or two from it”
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Agree. Those lagging behind at our sports days over the years - who to be fair generally were fat - always got the biggest cheers and shouts of encouragement.

I think his sentiment was from a good place, he just put it badly.

I would have called him a cunt

Perhaps 'gravitationally challenged' might be a more acceptable term?

😂wish I had the confidence to have said it

That's exactly what I'd say but I'd probably have said the 'unfit' children

It is nice to see them cheering the fatties, I was one - we were all made to run and it was excruciating