To think that most people wouldn’t walk away from this marriage?

[flowergirl24]

DH is 15 years older than me. I just don’t feel the same any more. He still loves me and knows that I’m unhappy but dismisses it.

We’ve got 3DC. I hate our house, hate the area and want to move away.

He is a kind man, an OK father and doesn’t really deserve all of this. But I want more from life. I don’t want another relationship. I just want to walk away from this one.

Does he know how you feel about the house and area?

I would walk away and in fact have done.

There is nothing worse than being unhappy with your life.

If you could move house to an area where you would be happy, would that change anything?

Walk away from your marriage or your kids?

How old are the children? What’s wrong with the area?

If I hated everything I'd first ask am I OK. Do I need support. If there's nothing else going on and everything was genuinely making me unhappy, I'd walk away yes.

It doesn't matter what most people would do. It matters what you'd do.

He dismisses the fact that you're unhappy with your house and area...can you elaborate on that? Why are you unhappy and what does he say when dismissing that?

Same here, but no kids in the equation. He's a good man and loves me. I'm just not happy. And that's on me, not on him. I'm considering whether to stay and live more and more separately or whether to leave. It's hard - but that you asked the question means you know you need something to change. We're with you when you need us.

What would be your plan? Do you have independent finances which would allow you to move out? Would you take the children with you,or leave them with him so can stay in their schools?
Is their an area you would be happier living in which is close enough to your children schools and their Dad, and can you afford this area on your own.
It's worth thinking about practically how it would work if you left him, for both you and your children?

Marriage. I’d be taking the children with me. They are 8,6 and 3.

Hmmm yes, you sound sick of life OP, and forgive me if I'm wrong but are you sure you arent just trying to run away from life in general? You say dh dismisses your feelings, could you both try counselling to get yourself heard?

Your phrase ‘stay and live more’ really resonates with me. I totally understand that part.

Why do you think you can just take the kids out of their home and leave?
What if your husband wants the kids to stay with him?

Are you prepared to only see them 50% of the time- will that make you any happier?

Have you tried to figure out why you are actually unhappy? It seems from your post that you are unhappy with everything in your life at the moment and for no particular reason? Maybe do some work on yourself and figure that out before you blow up your children's life.

It’s not as easy as just walking away. You would not simply be able to leave the area with your 3 children as their father has rights and I’d assume some of them are in schools etc so you can’t just overnight take them away from everything they know.

by all means leave your marriage but it doesn’t mean you can just do as you please as you have 3 little people to think about. Is what you want from life compatible with 3 children ?

have you thought about trying therapy to see what you really want from life and how it’s achievable ?

I'm not sure you just get to say you're taking the kids with you. Surely you know fairness is 50/50. Have you spoken to your DH, is he happy to be a weekend Dad?

Yes OP you do seeem to be making a lot of assumptions here about being able to just up and go where you fancy with the kids. It's not very realistic, and would be terribly unfair on them and their dad.

All of you saying that I can’t just leave. We live in a small village. Do I have to stay there for the rest of my life? I’d like to move to a town about 30 mins away. I hardly think that’s the crime of the century.

The house is a huge building project. I hated it during the whole process. There’s now a lot of landscaping etc to do and I just want to move. He refuses.

You “hate the house and hate the area” - would you actually be able to afford to move to a different area/somewhere nicer on your own? Wouldn’t your children be devastated if you were to up sticks and leave their Dad? Kind men are not as easy to find as you might think - you have only to read some of the posts on these pages to know that. Take a long hard look at what you’ve got - and remember, the grass is not always greener on the other side of the fence.

People are saying you don't just get to say "I'm taking the kids".

I have children, so I would put them first and keep my family together, work on my marriage and the other aspects of my life.

Well then maybe he should make more of an effort to help me out then. He’s not an equal partner now so I don’t understand why he thinks he can call all the shots now.

Oh no, that is hugely stressful. So you moved to a fixer upper in the middle of nowhere and he agreed to work on the house but now isn't doing it? And you feel disconnected and lonely?

Why won't he move? Is he actually happy or does he just not want to admit the project has failed?

Maybe you'd have had different responses if you had have explained more. You've posted as though it's you with the issues. You don't feel the same, you don't like the house, you don't like the area. All of those things don't give you the right to walk away with your kids, and indicate more so that maybe you need some support.

It’s not him who will be calling the shots though. If you disagree, the family courts will decide where they live and it will be based on what is in the best interests of the children rather than what seems fair to either parent or how much effort they put in to the marriage or whatever.