The background: Our youngest son left school with few qualifications, he’s not dumb but not academic. He began a 3 year apprenticeship but after 2 years and 8 months he got the sack for bad time keeping. He is now 22 and works in a bar, from that environment and the people he works with he began smoking weed over a year ago which continues even at work with his colleagues. He has been offered cocaine there also though he says he declined this. His personal hygiene standards are appalling, his clothes are so awful I dare say even a tramp is better dressed, his room resembles a tip, he’s pretty gobby, opinionated and will not take any advice from anyone in the family because he’s fine with the way he lives and feels he has the right to do as he pleases with his life. He lacks self discipline or respect for anyone. He is the polar opposite to our other 3 children who range from 25 to 37, and we feel as though we have completely failed as parents with him.
We are on the whole deeply unhappy with the situation, the house smells of weed ( he stores it in his room) our clothes also smell of it as it permeates from his clothing onto ours in the washer. He isn’t allowed to smoke it in our house but when we were away on holiday he did. We sought drug counselling and decided not to ask him to leave because we feared we would drive him further toward a darker way of life. He certainly cannot afford to rent somewhere and pay bills.
Anyway he came in one Sunday morning recently and after saying Hi and exchanging a few pleasantries he dropped into the conversation that some woman customer had waited for him to finish work, he then went home with her, they had sex, he came home and now he was now off to bed to catch up on his sleep! I was a bit shocked and enquired about her, he said he doesn’t want to date her, she’s in her 40’s and that’s probably the end of it. We haven’t experienced this before with our other kids and whilst I appreciate he’s got the right to see whoever he wants and do what he wants, we as Christian’s are struggling with this as it’s way off our own moral compass (not that we profess to be whiter than white) but we have tried to raise our kids to respect other people, respect themselves, encouraged healthy relationships and spoke of sex within a loving committed relationship rather than promiscuity. Last night he came home from work and said he was heading out to see screw her again. My husband and I feel that if this is to continue he has to leave our home, we are 62 and 59 and really don’t need this shit forced upon us. Am I being unreasonable to have these concerns and want him to leave or should we put up and shut up in order to maintain positive steadying influence in his life?