To let my DD quit her sport?

IncompleteSenten · 04/07/2024 11:08

Yes and I just let them quit.

There's so much stuff they have to do but hobbies should be fun and if they aren't then what is the point of them?

If they regret stopping and want to start again then that's as much of a lesson in thinking carefully than forcing them to do something they don't want to do. There might be no place for them for example.

Honestly though, what is the point of dragging a child to a hobby and insisting they must have fun there?

Billybagpuss · 04/07/2024 11:08

She’s 7 if it becomes a chore she’ll resent it forever.

let her have a break over the summer reassess in September if she’s still adamant is there another discipline or club she could try that builds on her skills.

Shortfatsuit · 04/07/2024 11:08

These things are supposed to be fun. If kids are a bit flaky, then I'm all in favour of giving them a bit of a push and encouraging them to stick to their commitments, but if something is making them really unhappy, what's the point?

I would let her quit straight away in the scenario that you've described. But I would also be wanting to get to the bottom of whatever it is that is making her feel panicky at the thought of going... that's concerning imo.

PFBGirlAlert · 04/07/2024 11:08

She's 7. Call her in sick for the rest of the week. She needs to know you're on her side.
Use the extra downtime to try to discover why she suddenly doesn't like it. There must be a reason!

Frazzledmum123 · 04/07/2024 11:11

Does it run in the summer holidays? If not, could you afford to pay for a few weeks but not send her to keep her place open but give her a bit of a break too?
My daughter gets like this sometimes, I always say I am happy for her to quit anything but she made a commitment and so needs to see it through until the end of the term as I have paid now and cannot keep spending money on things for her to change her mind. I do let her off going occasionally though if shes really tired that day. When I get the next bill, I ask her what she'd like to do and so far she's decided to stay with things but if she still didn't want to, then that's fine.
Can she maybe just take a few weeks off to give her a break and then see how she feels afterwards?

Needmorelego · 04/07/2024 11:15

She's 7 years old.. She doesn't want to do it anymore.
Just let her stop.
So she doesn't become a world famous gymnast? Does that matter? No.

Original poster

roughride24 · 04/07/2024 11:17

Thanks all, that's made me feel a bit better about it. You're right that hobbies are meant to be enjoyable.

There are a couple of things I think might be the issue. The conditioning is lengthy and hard plus she says the bars hurt her hands. When I watch her she does both things well, I can't imagine ever having that amount of strength let alone at her age.

I think my worry is that I started and quit so many hobbies as a child and now regret it. I need to not project this on to her but I hate to see her talent wasted.

I'll reassess next week and see if I can persuade her in. If not then I'll accept it and give notice.

OP posts:

MigGirl · 04/07/2024 11:19

She's only 7 can she have a break for a couple of weeks. I'm assuming that as she's working up towards the squad that it will run through the holidays?

Tell her she can have a break for a few weeks and let her rest, you are right that they get tired at this time in the school year. Sheay decided she wants to go back or not.

We have always said to ours that we won't force them but they do need to do some sport. So if she doesn't want to go back to gymnastics maybe she could try something else from September.

Original poster

roughride24 · 04/07/2024 11:20

Frazzledmum123 · 04/07/2024 11:11

Does it run in the summer holidays? If not, could you afford to pay for a few weeks but not send her to keep her place open but give her a bit of a break too?
My daughter gets like this sometimes, I always say I am happy for her to quit anything but she made a commitment and so needs to see it through until the end of the term as I have paid now and cannot keep spending money on things for her to change her mind. I do let her off going occasionally though if shes really tired that day. When I get the next bill, I ask her what she'd like to do and so far she's decided to stay with things but if she still didn't want to, then that's fine.
Can she maybe just take a few weeks off to give her a break and then see how she feels afterwards?

It does, the hours are more over the holidays but that's usually fine for her without school, plus she gets to spend time with her gym friends which she enjoys.
I'll speak to her coach next week and see what they say about keeping her place. I know she could drop down to recreational but that's a hard no from her as they don't do the hard stuff 🙄😂

OP posts:

olympicsrock · 04/07/2024 11:25

She is 7. Give her a break for God’s sake. Give her a month off and ask her how she feels about it. Ask yourself how YOU feel not having it.

DS stopped football. It was a real relief for us to be honest to have more down time as a family .

Workoutinthepark · 04/07/2024 11:26

I work in fitness and know quite a few sports coaches and this is more common than you think. In early sports achievers, perfectionism and burnout can be quite common. I'd say speak to her coach, don't pull her out, keep the place open but say she's taking a break over the summer holidays. Then see how it goes. No pressure, tell your daughter it's fine to just not go, and see how the next few weeks go.

If you speak about gymnastics, let it just be play, fun, no pressure whatsoever, no talk of competitions, etc.

PuttingDownRoots · 04/07/2024 11:27

Sounds like it got too intense too quick.

Frazzledmum123 · 04/07/2024 11:28

Ah I see, it sounds like now it's getting more serious, it's less enjoyable too, I think speaking to her coach is a good idea. One of the hobbies my daughter does she wanted to quit, went from loving it to hating it. I said fine, wait until the end of term and you can stop. Gave in her 'notice' and it got me talking to the teacher who wondered if it was because she was coming up to grading. So I took her off that, said not to bother with her doing exams at all and all of a sudden she loves it again, did a complete U turn as its just fun again. I know its not as simple with what your daughter is doing but does the gym just do recreational classes so she can go but not be in a squad? Could she try that for a bit, see if she is happier
I totally get where you are coming from, some groups are impossible to get into and whilst you do don't care from your point of view, you don't want your daughter upset either

Original poster

roughride24 · 04/07/2024 11:28

Ive also signed her up to swimming lessons at her request. I agree that doing some sort of sport is important. She's always been sporty and doesn't sit still (or upright) for long so harnessing it somehow is a must.

I suggested dance but the 'floor was too hard' last time she tried that. I guess only sprung floors are acceptable to her now 😂

I'll play it by ear and see where we end up. I just was doubting whether to let her quit so quickly or try and make her persevere a bit more. It has been such an obsession for her for so long that the switch really took me by surprise.

OP posts:

bergamotorange · 04/07/2024 11:29

She really wants to quit.
There's your answer. She's a person in her own right. Unless it is essential, you give her power to choose.

PolkadotsAndMoonbeams · 04/07/2024 11:34

Could she try trampolining, or tumbling, or cheerleading?

Something that's related and she'll use some of the skills, but perhaps not as intense as the gymnastics training.

(I had a schoolfriend who was a very good trampolinist, and she said they often don't peak until late-twenties, whereas gym is younger so tends to be more intense from earlier. Only an anecdote admittedly, but she switched from gym at 8 or 9 for that reason, so she could keep doing other hobbies as well.)

unkownone · 04/07/2024 11:39

Yep DD2 ‘retired’ from dance 3 times lol. She’s back at it now at 15. She first stopped around 7, then 11 then did a year of non competitive and now just doing competitive Jazz and refusing to do the rest. For her and myself along with the teachers, it wasn’t worth the stress of trying to push her as it was miserable for everyone. She makes her feelings very known lol. Knowing her now she needs time to decompress. She was doing a lot and it was long groups with no down time.

DoAWheelie · 04/07/2024 11:39

Let her take a break. I did a few sports as a kid but only ever one at a time. After a while I'd burn out on one and swap for a while.

I did swimming, track running, rock climbing, biking, hiking, karate, tennis, ballet, tap dance, and cricket. I'm glad now to have had the chance to try so many Vs just sicking with the same one as I learned different skills at each.

I'm the same now with hobbies as an adult, I get really into one for a few months, then burn out and swap. It's the same few in rotation as I've learned what I like and what I'm good at. I've been playing a lot of games lately but now I'm feeling the itch to get back into cross stitch for a while.

ThirdSpaceFan1 · 04/07/2024 11:44

Let her quit! With her gymnastics talent she could very likely:

cheerleading
dance
diving
climbing
parkour
yoga
Synchronised swimming
ice skating

there’s a world of choice out there, don’t force the issue over gym - broaden her horizons

ThirdSpaceFan1 · 04/07/2024 11:44

Oh yes martial arts! Add that to the list of possibles.

Alalalalalongalalalalalonglonglilong · 04/07/2024 11:45

It sounds like her problem is she is too good at it! If she was an average gymnast there would be no pressure just fun. Some kids thrive on competition and increasing intensity, some don't. I'd say let her take a few weeks off and see how she feels then, maybe dropping back to a more basic weekly class might be what's right for her. Who knows maybe in a year or two she will want to compete again and may move up. I wouldn't ever force her. Its not just unfair on her but it would impact other team members too.

MattDamon · 04/07/2024 11:48

I'd wait until you speak to the coach. They'll have experience with this.

RatalieTatalie · 04/07/2024 11:54

roughride24 · 04/07/2024 11:04

She's just 7 so is still really young I know.

She's been doing gymnastics for 4 years now and it's always been her passion. The house is full of mats, bar, beam etc and she never stops playing on them.

She's in a team working up towards the squad to compete nationally. She loves her team and her coach and always has a great time. She's learned so many skills and keeps up so well, no doubt that she's on track.

Occasionally she's moaned about going after school when tired. I'll be able to get her there though with no issue and she'll trot in quite happily. Lately though she's becoming really upset, almost panicking the day before and I've had to put her in the car and carry her in.

She really wants to quit. I've always said that's fine but she needs to give it a month to be sure. She won't do this - for her it needs to be now. I can't keep carrying her in and don't want to ruin sport for her in the future by making it such a huge deal. I also don't want her to make any rash decisions as it won't be easy to get back into it.

There haven't been any triggers that I've seen or heard such as injury, I honestly think she's tired with the end of term and this is the only thing that can give for her right now.

Has anyone been through this?

If you haven't already, I would have a word with the coach and ask if she's noticed anything specific. If there is a particularly skill stressing her out, perhaps she could sidestep this for a while til she's more confident and enjoying it again. If it's just generally too much for her (as it often is at that age and level), maybe ask if she can take a two week break (as its out of comp season) and see how she feels with the break, does she miss it? Does she seem happier? If she doesn't want to compete and train at this level, maybe she could change pathways. As hard as it is to accept, talent is not the overriding factor in elite gymnastics and many talented children have stepped down for other reasons, each pathway can bring as much joy as each other in its own ways - it's a cliched overused phrase in the sport, but from experience it is true!

Ultimately if she has to be carried into the gym, she isn't enjoying it. And doesn't need to give it a month to know that. The month is for you, hoping she'll change her mind. I have been there, I have had 3 competitive gymnast daughters. My eldest competed nationally and was in GB Squad. I found it inconceivable when she wanted to quit. I cried, she refused to go, she cried, I cried more. But when she quit...it was absolutely fine. I do wish she'd enjoyed it enough to carry on, but was glad we have no more upset. It's her life and her childhood and I want her to remember it fondly. She had become so anxious and it was seeping into every area of her life, when she quit these issues (that I'd convinced myself had nothing to do with gym) resolved themselves almost instantly.

Best of luck, I think unless you've been through it you can't really understand, but there is life on the other side and if she's a talented gymnast, she can be talented at so many other things that are in much more nurturing environments x

Fizbosshoes · 04/07/2024 12:12

Can she do non competitive gymnastics?
My DD is not a natural gymnast (I'm probably the least co-ordinated, and not flexible at all! ) but did non competitive gymnastics for years. They got to try all different things at their own pace (were split into groups of ability) and she went with friends and they all improved but it was more relaxed and fun

Runaway1 · 04/07/2024 12:19

Does she have hand guards?