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Original poster

Annoyed by dd not getting treatment for her bad skin

76 replies

Watermelon197 · 03/07/2024 22:11

Dd has always had bad skin. She’s tried a few things over the years which have worked for short periods then it went back to normal.

She's tried the pill a couple of times but always comes off it saying it made her feel “not herself” and didn’t completely work, albeit she never tries for very long.

Shes been under dermatology but they were useless and didn’t offer roaccutaine but just discharged her.

She is now 19 and not taking anything and is completely covered in spots.

She says she’s not bothered but she is and it affects her confidence and social interactions. I’m sure it will affect her job prospects too.

It looks red and inflamed, and she covers it with cheap makeup which just looks worse. She’s very sporty so obviously it gets flared up from that too, and it would be easier not to have to trowel on makeup.

What can I do? I have asked if she wants to try a different pill, or ask to be seen again in dermatology, but she can’t be bothered. I can’t arrange it for her.

im at a loss to know what to do, but I do know there must be something to try? She’s worried about taking meds because they reel off the side effects and it puts her off as she wants to be healthy. She has no idea what a massive affect it is having on her and gets annoyed if I mention it a lot so I have to bite my tongue a lot.

OP posts:
YourMommaWasASnowblower · 03/07/2024 22:15

Your post sounds like it’s YOU who is bothered by it rather than your daughter. If you vocalise that a lot to her, YOU will be the one giving her the lack of confidence about it, rather than the actual spots.
If she chooses not to do anything about it that’s up to her.

Gracelet · 03/07/2024 22:17

She's an adult. All you can do is gently encourage her if you feel that's appropriate in the situation.

Sapphire387 · 03/07/2024 22:17

What do you mean- she has no idea what a massive effect it's having on her?

Please stop telling us what your daughter thinks and feels. Only she knows that.

She's an adult. Time to respect her choices.

liebherr · 03/07/2024 22:18

She's a 19 year old young woman, presumably with access to the internet - she'll find her own solution.

MintTwirl · 03/07/2024 22:21

Leave her alone ffs

YellowRollercoaster · 03/07/2024 22:24

Have you both looked into Dermatica or Skin+Me? Perhaps that kind of thing might be of interest to her, you can get some introductory offers to try it out.

It must be hard when you want her to stick at something, perhaps give it a bit more time and be gently supportive and understanding and then she will find the confidence to give treatment another go?

Theunamedcat · 03/07/2024 22:25

Unfortunately you have to step back my dd most likely has pcos she has all the signs it bothers me more than her and I have to accept that but at first it really REALLY bothered me she won't go to the Dr's to make sure it ISNT her thyroid (strong family history and she is the right age) she is grown up she needs to sort herself out

Coffeerum · 03/07/2024 22:25

She has no idea what a massive affect it is having on her and gets annoyed if I mention it a lot so I have to bite my tongue a lot.

If you have to bite your tongue a lot then clearly you are the one with the issue.

FloorWipes · 03/07/2024 22:28

Leave her alone. Roaccutane, the pill...these are serious medications with serious side effects. It's perfectly fine and reasonable not to want to take them. Acne is normal.

watchuswreckthemic · 03/07/2024 22:28

I am an adult who has developed terrible skin the last few years. I have weeks when it gets me down but a lot of the time I crack on.
My mother is the one who it really bothers- who tries to cure me and it all the time.
Speaking from experience I'd back off massively.

HowIrresponsible · 03/07/2024 22:29

My partner has acne scars. He refused treatment for his acne as a teen which was very bad.

The scars are barely noticeable.

Just leave her be

LoremIpsumCici · 03/07/2024 22:31

The Derm can prescribe lots of things that aren’t Roaccutane? Has she tried any of these?

3WildOnes · 03/07/2024 22:31

You could offer to pay for a Skin & Me or Dermatica subscription. Was the only thing that cleared my skin.

Aglassaday · 03/07/2024 22:31

A313 cream works miracles!
available on amazon

stressedespresso · 03/07/2024 22:32

She’s 19, not 9. It sounds like it’s you, not her who has a massive problem with her skin. Back off OP. She is an adult.

Pigeonqueen · 03/07/2024 22:33

If she says she isn’t bothered you need to leave her alone. Pestering her to seek help for something that’s bothering you isn’t the right way to approach anything.

My dd is now 21 but when she was 16/17 we paid for her privately to go onto roaccutane. She’s been on every single other thing you can imagine on the nhs and the waiting list for roaccutane on the nhs was nearly 2 years. She absolutely hated having acne and it was severely affecting her confidence- she desperately wanted the treatment. It’s not without risks, she was monitored very closely and had regular blood tests whilst taking it but had no side effects at all and it did completely cleared up her skin. She now says it was the best thing ever. But - she really wanted to go on it; we never encouraged her as such, just supported her decision. As it should be.

Morwenscapacioussleeves · 03/07/2024 22:33

I would imagine that having a mother who is embarrassed of how you look & comments in your skin/appearance frequently is far far more damaging to self esteem than acne.

it was for me

If you value your relationship with your daughter stop commenting (even if you think you're being helpful) & appreciate her for who she is (spots n all)

EatTheGnome · 03/07/2024 22:34

No joke, I can feel a the pressure and judgement from your post so it must come across stronger to your dd.

MargotEmin · 03/07/2024 22:35

Young people are so accepting of difference now, including skin types. It's part of the body positivity movement, good on 'em.

It really does sound like it bothers you more than her.

SoulMole · 03/07/2024 22:36

My mum went on and on about my acne. I wasn't bothered. I grew out of it. I've been more and more hurt by it as I got older. I'm 44 now.

Hankunamatata · 03/07/2024 22:37

Leave her alone. She is 19 and doesn't need you pointing out her skin. If she wants your help she will ask for it

HarryBlackberry1 · 03/07/2024 22:38

My daughter had a similar problem to your dd. We ended up getting a private consultation for her, as the waiting list on the NHS was huge. She was becoming depressed and lost her confidence. She was immediately put on roaccutaine and it has completely transformed her life. She was then transferred to the NHS.

catscalledbeanz · 03/07/2024 22:38

I'm going to go so far as to claim reverse. No mother could speak of her daughter this way right? Right? RIGHT?!?!

MimitteAndElsaGoToSwitzerland · 03/07/2024 22:45

catscalledbeanz · 03/07/2024 22:38

I'm going to go so far as to claim reverse. No mother could speak of her daughter this way right? Right? RIGHT?!?!

I really hope you are right.

I feel very sorry for the DD otherwise.

ItmeansIdontcare · 03/07/2024 22:51

There’s nothing you can do. She’s an adult and she doesn’t want your help. You sound like you might be obsessing about this. Have you ever heard of Body Dysmorphic Disorder by proxy? If you have trouble letting go of this, it might be a good idea to look it up.