Annoyed by dd not getting treatment for her bad skin

[Watermelon197]

Dd has always had bad skin. She’s tried a few things over the years which have worked for short periods then it went back to normal.

She's tried the pill a couple of times but always comes off it saying it made her feel “not herself” and didn’t completely work, albeit she never tries for very long.

Shes been under dermatology but they were useless and didn’t offer roaccutaine but just discharged her.

She is now 19 and not taking anything and is completely covered in spots.

She says she’s not bothered but she is and it affects her confidence and social interactions. I’m sure it will affect her job prospects too.

It looks red and inflamed, and she covers it with cheap makeup which just looks worse. She’s very sporty so obviously it gets flared up from that too, and it would be easier not to have to trowel on makeup.

What can I do? I have asked if she wants to try a different pill, or ask to be seen again in dermatology, but she can’t be bothered. I can’t arrange it for her.

im at a loss to know what to do, but I do know there must be something to try? She’s worried about taking meds because they reel off the side effects and it puts her off as she wants to be healthy. She has no idea what a massive affect it is having on her and gets annoyed if I mention it a lot so I have to bite my tongue a lot.

I do agree with those above that you should stop commenting.

If you want to do something she might appreciate you could offer to treat her to some more suitable make up since that appears to be something she is happy to use. Maybe just buy her some vouchers and let her spend as she sees fit.

This has to be entirely your daughter's choice. At 14, my eldest was offered speech therapy for a slight speech difference due to medical issues (think Jonathan Ross). He politely declined and asked if that was ok. I supported his decision as it was for him to choose. It has lessened as he's got older, but is still there a bit. He's happy, confident and successful and doing incredibly well at work in his 20s. He is his own person, as your daughter is hers. Let her make her own decisions.

As she was under dermatology before, ask go for a re-referral. And be firm and politely insist on Roaccutane.

Thankfully real dermatologists don’t bow down to armchair medics! There are pathways to Accutane that need to be completed for a reason. OP’s DD obviously hasn’t completed them, nor does she want to which is fine. She is an adult with autonomy over her own medical care. It is a last resort medication and rightly so with the long list of harmful side effects.

The OP’s DD is a grown woman. Her bloody mother shouldn’t be doing any of this (and legally can’t). It’s none of the OP’s business.

Honestly? Stop hassling your daughter and obsessing over her appearance and literally just mind your own fucking business. Your daughter is an adult and you’re being overbearing and unpleasant.

Your daughter gets annoyed if you mention her skin because IT’S REALLY BLOODY RUDE to keep pointing out negative things about a grown woman’s appearance. Leave her alone.

You obviously have a problem with her looks..she's 19 and it's her skin and body not yours. You need to back off and let her live how she wishes to.

She's an adult and well old enough to know her own mind.

Back off and let her deal with it herself. If she asks for your advice then give it, otherwise keep biting your tongue. Tbh it seems to bother you more than it does her.

I think GPs can prescribe long term antibiotics for severe acne and they're very effective. May be worth going to a private GP and doing a phone consultation if her GP is not on board?

It's obviously her decision as she's an adult. However, has she tried Doxycycline? It's an antibiotic that can be prescribed long term. It cleared up my hormonal acne and I had no side effects.

If she has severe acne then there's not going to be easy to settle it, for any treatment to be effective she'll have to work hard with a regime of tablets, skin care, possible diet changes etc, put up with the side effects of said treatment as well.

It sounds like you seem to have your heart set on just trying one more tablet and that'll cure everything, it likely won't, and she wouldn't be offered it unless she really pushed for it, that she'd adhered to full courses of previously prescribed therapies, that her symptoms were severe in a medical sense - because the side effects of retinoids can be awful. This is on the front page of the formulary for any Dr thinking of prescribing this medication:

"The MHRA reminds healthcare professionals that isotretinoin should only be prescribed for the treatment of severe forms of acne resistant to adequate courses of standard therapy with systemic antibacterials and topical therapy. Isotretinoin should be given under the supervision of physicians with expertise in the use of systemic retinoids, and a complete understanding of the risks of therapy and monitoring requirements (including signs of depression).
Healthcare professionals are also advised to counsel patients on the potential risks of isotretinoin, including neuropsychiatric reactions and sexual dysfunction.
The MHRA further reminds healthcare professionals that isotretinoin is a powerful teratogen associated with a high frequency of severe and life-threatening birth defects if there is exposure in utero; females of childbearing potential must meet the conditions of the Pregnancy Prevention Programme (see Conception and contraception and Prescribing and dispensing information)."

It sounds like she's being clear that she doesn't want this, and is unlikely to adhere with any long term treatment plans, so I'd let her be.

Its a pretty strong medication with a lot of significant side effects, requires careful monitoring and you can't donate blood in case it is given to a pregnant woman as it can harm her baby

They won't just dish it out because you think your daughter needs it.

God I’m glad you weren’t my mum. Leave her alone! She’s probably very aware her skin is bad and I imagine it makes her feel shit constantly having her mum poking and prodding and nagging her.

Skin issues can make you feel incredibly down and you won’t be helping. She may be feeling really depressed and unmotivated to do anything about it, and you constantly drawing attention to it isn’t helping.

Who are you to say she hasn’t tried the pill for long enough? She knows how hormonal pills make her feel. If she comes off them because she struggles mentally, that’s her choice and she deserves to make that decision. Contraceptives aren’t something to be taken lightly.

Deep down I imagine you come from a place of care, but I have to say you’re being a terrible mum at the moment. She will remember the way you’ve treated her for the rest of her life, trust me!

If she doesn't want to take pharma stuff that makes her feel like a different person then thats fair enough and she shouldn't be forced to.

Spearmint tea can help cystic acne. Vit b5 cream helps too. Also I buy activated charcoal and bentonite clay soap and that clears my skin.

I agree you need to back off but I would say to her "ok this is the last time I'll bring it up, but if you ever want help with your skin, financially or going to appointments, I will help you. I'm sorry if I've upset you talking about your skin, you're my beautiful daughter however your skin looks. I just want you to be happy." and then drop it.

Keep it up and your relationship with your daughter will be irreparable. I promise you that she will never get over how badly and less-than you continually make her feel. She knows full well how ashamed and embarrassed you are of her appearance, because it's palpable just from reading your post.

As someone who suffered from dreadful acne from age 20 I can say it does affect confidence, they were painful too and never went away until I was pre menopausal. I never got to find out why they suddenly appeared. I blamed stress. And people do notice.

Zinc vitamins or one of those skin hair nail vitamins for

Skin 47 really helped my daughter.

You sound a lot like my mum. I do actually think she (and you) maybe well meaning so trying to give you the benefit of the doubt.

Unfortunately I am unconvinced by your insistence that it does secretly bother her. She's an adult. If she wanted to she would do something about it. What will likely bother her is her own mum keep going on about it.

I'm guessing you were raised in a household with strong emphasis on physical appearance and your self worth was tied to that. It sounds like you can't imagine being ok with having acne and so can't believe she is either.

You want to fix it for her but you're imagining she feels like you would feel. Your post comes across like you don't see her as a separate person. It's like she's an extension of you.

I truly hope you're able to reflect and stop this as the damage is irreparable. Much more damaging than some acne.

My whole life my mum has been obsessed with my appearance. I've done a lot of impressive things in my life but I've only seen her truly proud and animated when I lost a lot of weight, even when I told her I'd starved myself to do so. I was never even particularly fat.

I'm now obese and hate losing any weight because I resent how happy it will make her and a lifetime of comments come flooding back. I've had a lot of therapy to try to make myself care enough to lose weight for myself but underneath there's also a feeling like I do not deserve it.

Ironically my mum laments how her own mother treated her like a doll and insulted her appearance and genuinely doesn't see that she's done the same.

I love my mum very much but the words that haunt my when I look in the mirror are in her voice. Sometimes when I'm away from her I start liking myself and as soon as I spend more time around her I feel awful about myself.

Your DD is making it clear she doesn't like your comments. I would really stop it if you don't want to permanently ruin your relationship.

I agree with this, all my children have acne but no way would I encourage them to take Roaccutane. However, they do use other acne treatments. Roaccutane has some very serious side effects and their dad passed away at a very young age having taken it, so I feel passionately about it.
Your daughter will deal with this herself as long as she is aware of the long term effects that will most likely happen eg scarring etc.

It sounds like she's decided she would rather have the spots than the side effects from treatment. As a competent adult that's her decision to make. All you're doing is making her feel worse abou it and damaging your relationship. My DM does similar over a different issue and all it does is make me feel bad and not want to talk to her about anything. You need to back off and meet her where she's at. Its her skin, her body, her choice.

I wonder if Fucidin cream would work, it's antibacterial for skin infections. I've used a private online dermatologist before, for about £70

My mother has been commenting on my body for over 25 years - I moved to another country to get away from her. Apologise to your DD and tell her it's her choice, and promise her and yourself that you'll stop commenting and interfering.

You need to get over it.

Though for what its worth I had acne and got rid of it by using the caveman method - no products, no washing face, no water on face at all, for about 2 months.