Should a man that didn't want the baby pay maintenance

[dillydallybub]

So as the title says, should a man that didn't want a baby pay maintenance?
Please give me your thoughts and opinions

Don't engage with him.Report the harassment, and go through the relevant agency for maintenance.

How dare he threaten you that is criminal.

I’d prefer no support, no input, and the child would be mine, but I agree I’m probably in a minority

Yes. End of.

Children don't create themselves and are entitled to the support of both parents.

He believes wrong. Of course he is responsible for paying towards the child that he created.

I'd report his threats of violence and death to the police.

Sex is a not compulsory. If you are not prepared to deal with the consequences then don't do it.

If an unwanted pregnancy is totally unacceptable to a man then he needs to take responsibility for making sure it doesn't happen and accept that there will be financial consequences at the very least if he has not been careful enough.

Abstinence is perfectly reasonable if a man is not mature enough to deal with what happens when two adults have sex and contraception fails.

Vasectomies are free.

This!

Of course he fucking should . If he didn’t want to he should have used a condom and what about the woman what if she did not want a baby. She either has to have it or get rid of it and both have emotional and physical consequences so why yet again should men get away Scot free and not have to face the consequences of their actions???

@OlympicProcrastinator

the least a father can do is pay for his feckless spunking
Is it feckless spunking if a woman sexually assaults a man who is too drunk to give consent?
Or when a woman lies and says she is infertile?

I'm not saying he shouldn't pay. I'm objective to the assumption that it was always feckless on his part

Why are so many women having sex without using a condom? Why take the chance that you might get pregnant with someone who doesn't want a child. It works both ways.

Yes.

It isn’t that they don’t want a baby. It’s paying the maintenance and doing parenting they have a difficulty with.

And it’s never a problem until the woman is pregnant. They are all happy to risk it, by not looking after their own contraception, if it comes to getting sex. Only start freaking out after the fact.

So what if a woman sexually assaulted a man when he was blind drunk and incapable of giving consent?

OP my partner and I both have children now in teen years (not together). He has been adamant from the start that he doesn't want more children and they are not in my plan either. One night we were discussing it and I said I don't think I could have an abortion were it to happen accidentally. He saw the GP the following week for a vasectomy. Your ex absolutely had that choice if he is so adamant about not being a father. He can't and shouldn't be forced to act as a parent but absolutely he needs to financially support the child.

The pill isn’t 100% either so surely it’s only sensible to double up. Particularly if you really do not want a child. Contraceptive failures happen, but if you’ve any sense at all you’ll at least do your own bit to prevent it. I’ve told my ds many times that if he doesn’t want a child he must always wear a condom. It’s nothing to do with trust it’s bloody common sense.

I think if there's a contraceptive fail it's perhaps not unreasonable to think that a woman might take the MAP.

But beyond that, tough really.

Sex has consequences, arguably a woman who finds herself pregnant notwithstanding the use of contraception, can opt for an abortion, a man potentially is in a less powerful position. He may have to accept that his preferred choice is not available, and that he will now have to accept financial responsibility for a child he never wanted. Sex and its unintended consequences never went away, years ago women had to pursue affiliation applications (a humiliating experience), DNA has resolved that injustice, but how many men have brought up children in the mistaken belief that they were the biological father? It isn't fashionable to say it, but sex is a deeply serious activity.

The man that didn't want a baby doesn't have a choice.

No

No blind drunk man I know can get into a state to make penetrative sex possible. Can we not do that thing where we twist a discussion til it screams to try and shoehorn in some basically impossible or infinitesimally unlikely scenario which is unrelated to the OP.

There are a lot of "what ifs" being brought up here, but central to the question is the baby being cared for appropriately and his or her well-being. Alongside being loved, finances play an important role in bringing up children, so if we have babies, we have responsibility for their care, and that includes being financially supportive of them. Anyway, fatherhood is the best feeling in the world, ever, and he shouldn't have to miss out on that, whether it was orchestrated or not.

@gleefulstar "The man that didn't want a baby doesn't have a choice."

He did. Condoms are very effective contraception.

From your other thread you’ve applied to CMS and are getting a decent amount. No need to philosophise, focus on the baby and it’s good he’s paying.

No. He should be able to sign a form giving up all parental rights. That's my opinion.