Should a man that didn't want the baby pay maintenance

[dillydallybub]

So as the title says, should a man that didn't want a baby pay maintenance?
Please give me your thoughts and opinions

This is why we have laws on it. Because so many men truly think it is a child's responsibility to make up for the one biological fact that doesn't advantage them, which they truly see as an equality issue because anything that doesn't prioritise a man's desire to shag over all else is oppressive and unequal. They don't want something after they made it happen, women and children should suffer to ensure they don't have to.

You will never make them see because they can't. Their responsibility for their fertility is literally the worst injustice of biology in their heads (and you know which heads they're using). Doesn't matter: the law knows better and no, you don't get to abandon the children you created because eeeequaliteeee.

Yup, baby is half his! So another single Mum having to do all the work, least he can do is help with finances. Xx

Yes. He had sex and we all know the consequences.

So OP maybe he thinks the tax payer should step in because he doesn't want to pay CM? He had sex, there's a child, both have to pay for and support their child.

Rape is sex without consent being freely given. The fact that it is currently legally defined by penetration doesnt mean it isnt rape, lesbians can and have been raped by other women with no penetration involved. Would you tell a woman who has been forced into sex by another woman, that she hasnt been raped?

As a rape survivor, you can safely assume that I know what rape is.

But there is a current belief that a man having sex with a woman, who has consented on the understanding that he is using a condom and then doesnt, is raping her. So logically, if a woman has sex with a man whilst not using the contraception she says she is using and in fact isnt, is also rape. It works both ways.

As I say, a rape survivor, but interested in the dicussion on why rape apparently only involves penetration, because in my experience sometimes it does and sometimes it doesnt.

ETA: No. Legal rape is penetration, it doesnt actually need to involve a penis.

Probably not as hard as him fathering a child he doesn’t want. Ultimately, if a man is adamant he doesn’t want a child then he needs to take responsibility for his actions to ensure that doesn’t happen. A woman uses contraception to ensure she doesn’t get pregnant, and a man who is serious about not becoming a father must absolutely do the same.

Clearly I’m in the minority, but no, I don’t think he should as long as it’s made clear either before conception or very early on that he doesn’t want it.
In the U.K. we have free and very easy access to abortion (and I say this as someone who’s had one), so if you don’t want to be a single mum, you don’t have to. IMO the same rule applies as everyone keeps spouting - if you’re not prepared to risk getting pregnant, don’t have sex.
No one forces you to keep a baby. If you tell the father before say, 8 weeks, and he says “no thanks”, then it’s entirely your decision to carry on alone.
I would support some kind of signing away rights at this early stage so that the mother knows it’s entirely her decision to keep the baby.
Entirely different if you find out too late, if he changes his mind after the point of no return, if the mother made it clear before sex that she would never abort, or if the baby was conceived through rape.
But as he doesn’t have the option to end the pregnancy, he should have the option to walk away early on. If you know you wouldn’t have an abortion if you got pregnant and don’t want to be a single mum, don’t have sex.

Stop engaging with him either in person or by phone. All messages in writing - text or email - and keep them. Only message to update on the baby. Any other threats and go to the police. I’m assuming he won’t put his name on the birth certificate, so I’m not sure where your legal standing regarding maintenance is. I’d imagine proof that he is the father would be necessary. You need to take some advice on this regarding getting him to pay for his child. He has an obligation by law to provide whether he wants to be part of the child’s life or not.

I would. I have a child with a man who doesn't want him and it's incredibly horrible for the child. I wouldn't put another child through it no matter what I wanted, that's a selfish decision.

If the man does not want to be a father and he has clearly stated how he feels, and where he stands, then he should not be forced to pay maintenance, he wants no part in parenthood. Forccing him to so isn't acceptable. Just like forcing the women to be a mother, is unacceptable. Both are allowed to decide what is best for them
🙄
Meh. He should have worn a condom if he felt so strongly. No sympathy

Some people, particularly some men seem to think a women has ‘lied’ about being on the pill if she gets pregnant anyway. But the pill does fail sometimes for example antibiotics can stop it working and for some women it does not work at all. If a man is that worried he should wear a condom as back up
Sometimes she has 🤷‍♀️
Not ok but, surely by now, the 'I was on antibiotics' excuse is redundant?
Yeah, antibiotics can affect the effectiveness but surely everyone knows this by now?

Either way, buck stops with him. Not using a condom? Stupidity is not an excuse 🤷‍♀️

The only secure way to not have a baby is to be completely celibate. He consented to an act designed to make babies and then proceeded to take no precautions against that possibility?

He needs to shut up and pay up.

Why is there this repeated assumption that the man didn't wear a condom?

Certainly in my case, he wore a condom which tore, I was on the pill but I'd had a bit of a lurgy and it clearly didn't work as well as it should. Both of us considered the risk to be very low and he was VERY clear he was not interested in, nor in a position to support, a child, as was I... until I found out I was pregnant.

Had that pregnancy gone to term I do not think it would have been fair to force his involvement, financially, or otherwise on the basis of me changing MY mind after the fact.

If the child exists then the male parent has consented to its existence via the act of having the sex which created it.
The question in the title is an oxymoron.

The %s on the effectiveness of both condoms and The Pill are based on human error. Basically, they are as reliable as the person using them.

The Pill 'fails' because:
-A pill/s were missed/taken late
-Pills were taken but user had D&V, or;
-There was an interaction with other meds, vitamins or supplements, eg, St John's Wort

Condoms fail because:
-They are too big (so slip off)*
-They are too small (so split)*
-They are not put on correctly*
*(Yes, fellas, need to buy the correct size 😉)

It is within anyone's control to avoid all/any of the above scenarios that could result in pregnancy.

Then women shouldn't be allowed an abortion by that logic.

Here's the thing. A woman doesn't want a baby, she sborts regardless of whether Dad wants it or not.

Man doesn't want a baby, he can't Fri natch her to a clinic. Therefore she chooses to keep it, she pays for it.

Put a CMS claim in once baby is born

Since men as a class are incredibly half-arsed about contraception, I don’t think the law or social norms should support them being able to walk away and leave women with the physical, emotional and financial burden. Whatever the women chooses to do there is a cost they have to pay, society as a whole is worse off if men don’t share at least some of that,

Bollocks.

No. Because it is about equity not equality.

He took the known risk of pregnancy by having sex. Her autonomy allows her the legal choice of the course of the pregnancy.

The choice is hers because the pregnancy is in her body. Subject to there being a fucking amazing change in biology this will remain so.

And please do not ever even in provocation allude to men making choices over women's bodies because sadly in this planet that's a lived reality for many women today still.

He has a legally recognised responsibility to financially supporting his biological child.

Even if she drugged him so he wasn’t in his right state of mind?

Did he wear a condom? What contraception were you using?

No, it's sexual assault, take requires penetration by a penis in UK law.

In reality I'm not sure it's helpful as a net point in discussions like this where people are issuing the colloquial definition of rape as sex without consent.

In the same way I wouldn't tell a Canadian woman who'd classed herself as a rape victim that she wasn't raped as technically there's no legal offence of rape under Canadian law, its a class of sexual assault. (I may be confusing canada with another jurisdiction)

@MusicMakesItAllBetter

Even if she drugged him so he wasn’t in his right state of mind?
No it's sexual assault. Rape is specifically penetration

But in the case of sexual assault I don't think the man has any responsibility. No more than a sperm donor does.

The idea that you could be sexually assaulted then made to pay for 18 years for having been sexually assaulted is like being charged for being raped.

Absolutely not!! This is one area where men do not have anywhere near the same rights as women! Just because he consents to sex does not mean he consents to a child. If I consent to drive a car I don’t consent for another car to crash into me. It’s a possibility yes but it is not consent. It is not fair when one human can decide the fate of another human. Confoms can break, contraception can fail and yet that man’s life could be affected forever. A male child can be raped by a woman producing a child resulting in him having to then pay maintenance when he’s an adult. It’s a disgrace!

Massively agree with this and any woman who doesn’t is a bitter single mother who has selfishly kept a child and believes the entitled bollocks that the sperm donor should then pay even though it was her choice, or she’s chosen a deadbeat who was happy to have the child but now doesn’t pay. The latter has every right to be pissed off and seek maintenance, the former does not. If you want a child and that man makes it clear he does not then be a decent human being and do it alone as is your choice!