Should a man that didn't want the baby pay maintenance

[dillydallybub]

So as the title says, should a man that didn't want a baby pay maintenance?
Please give me your thoughts and opinions

A woman can have a baby adopted and thus give up parental rights. I think men should be allowed the same option. That is give up permanently parental rights over a child.

Can she? Without lying to SS and others.

Well its nice to talk to the real handmaids tale. Talk aout depressing, bringing humanity to the lowest of the low justifying abandoning your child.

Well I am just glad I am raising real men who would accept that they have no right to control a woman but have the responsibility to fund and co-parent a child. What low standards you have in the company ye keep.

Under his eye!

It is very rare for a woman to give a child up for adoption unless there is no other choice. If men were allowed to just walk away from their responsibilities, from their own children, it would plunge many of them into poverty. Men know the risks they are taking when they have sex, and they are capable of managing that risk. It’s insulting to them to suggest that they’re too stupid to be in charge of their own reproductive health.

Yes, always yes!

Some posts on here are getting worryingly close to giving men control over women's bodies and reproductive choices. A man doesn't want to take responsibility for a baby? The woman can have an abortion-problem solved. But what if the man does want the baby and the woman doesn't? Should he be able to stop her having an abortion? If he takes full responsibility for the baby once it's born? Is that a path we want to go down?
It's not fair that men have fewer choices when it comes to their fertility than women do- but that really is down to nature.

@MrsTerryPratchett

Why would it terrify you? He's wears a condom and only has sex with someone if he trusts them and if having a child wouldn't be dreadful, he'll be fine.
This is the most unrealistic demand I think I've read in MN. I dint know any 16-25 year olds who are having sex with someone they would be ok having a child with. It isn't reasonable to think they are thinking of a baby mama at that age.

Should women abstain if they don’t want to become pregnant?

Women have the option of abortion, men don't so yes they do need to be more careful. That's just an unfortunate fact of life.

Completely agree with this, though there are some circumstances where it seems a bit of a shame for the man - like when a couple have been together a few years and he thought he could trust her, only to find she's decided to have an "accident" in the hope that a baby will persuade him to commit

Meh. If you don't want a baby, you need to make sure you are using your own contraception, not rely on someone else to. It's just another excuse for men to be lazy and not take responsibility for their own reproductive system.

Of course this is not ok, but the child is not responsible. So maintaining still needs to be paid.

@Beezknees ,

‘Women have the option of abortion, men don't so yes they do need to be more careful. That's just an unfortunate fact of life.’

There are many ‘unfortunate facts of life’ which disadvantage women, such as unwanted pregnancy and having babies. Modern society tries to counteract these facts of life with science and law. Women are offered free abortion on the NHS (regardless of how irresponsible they were getting pregnant) and paid maternity leave. Both of these are deemed good for society.

The above is the concept of equity vs equality.

Given that we are animals and will have penetrative sex which will, sometimes, result in pregnancy, doesn’t equity mean that, as men don’t get to choose abortion, that they should be able to opt out of parenthood and financial liability, in the same way a woman can should either choose abortion or put her child up for adoption.

@letsgoooo " I dint know any 16-25 year olds who are having sex with someone they would be ok having a child with. It isn't reasonable to think they are thinking of a baby mama at that age."

Jesus Christ, the bar is low for men.

So. Men should be able to opt out because women can have abortions. Should men also be able to stop a woman having an abortion if he wants the baby and she doesn't?

No. It shouldn't.

@CurlewKate ,

No, of course not.

Yes, that can certainly be true, though as so many have said there's a difference between a guy shagging around and not caring who he impregnates so long as he doesn't have to wear a condom and someone in a settled relationship who gets lied to because the woman thinks a baby will seal the deal she wants

However it's also true that this isn't the fault of the child, who still has to be supported; it's just a shame when some forget that, as well as the lying men who get rightly blasted for ignoring the needs of others to get what they want, some women do just the same

Given that we are animals and will have penetrative sex which will, sometimes, result in pregnancy, doesn’t equity mean that, as men don’t get to choose abortion, that they should be able to opt out of parenthood and financial liability, in the same way a woman can should either choose abortion or put her child up for adoption

Edited to add that the problem here is that there's no way of proving who was cheating who
Of course some scumbag men would abuse it, and of course some women will swear blind that the pregnancy really was a "mistake" knowing perfectly well it wasn't, and meanwhile tthere's an innocent child in the middle of this mess

It doesn't matter how long you're in a relationship for. If you don't want a baby, be responsible for your own contraception.

You see it on here a lot. "DH doesn't want any more children but he won't wear a condom or get a vasectomy." Stop bloody relying on women for contraception!

Also perfectly true, Beezknees, though equally we often see women cheered on to have that "accident" on here, with those urging caution being shouted down by the "Why shouldn't she" contingent

In the end you're probably right about everyone sorting their own contraception no matter how long the relationship, but it does seem to eat away at the concept of trust you'd hope would be there in a settled one
Unfortunately, though, trust is a luxury too many of us can't afford

Then he's a very silly boy.

He can 'want' to not pay as much as he likes, but if he didn't want a child he shouldn't have had unprotected sex.

Yes, but if women can only get pregnant a few days a month then they should be more careful over those few days if they don't want to get pregnant.

Yes men should wear a condom if they don’t want a child, but let’s face it, if it fails for some reason and the woman wants the child he doesn’t have a choice anyway.

Personally I would never advocate for having a baby with a man who didn't want one, I did it myself, so have first hand experience and wouldn't advise it. But if the woman is truly adamant that she wants to go ahead the man ought to contribute financially at the least.

At the end of the day it's about the child, not the parents. Advocating for men to be allowed to be absolved of financial responsibility is just advocating for higher levels of child poverty, it's completely unethical.