To feel sad my daughter’s class mixing

[Orangeyyq]

DD is is an 3 form entry primary school. They decided for next year to mix the classes up for some reason (different reasons given everytime people ask). My DD is best friends with a girl whose lovely I think but I feel can dominate her at times. My DD is very quiet and easiky- led. School also noticed this last parents evening and hinted maybe best they in different class next year.

Kids had to pick 2 names that they would like to be with next year and 1 name is guaranteed to be in same class. When choosing I encouraged DD to put down another child instead of the friend but she didn’t want to she cried and said that she’s her ONLY friend. I emailed school and said I think she should be with her friend as I felt even though she’s dominating she is the only friend she actually has.

I feel I made a huge mistake. Why did I get involved. I feel I’ve kind of wrecked my DD’s chances at friendship. Just for context I’m ND and I don’t think DD is but she is being let down as I can’t establish healthy. Friendships to model to it’ll her what they look like.

please be kind, I feel I’ve made such a mess. School cannot change it now as names have gone out to parents etc.

Is she going from Reception to Y1? Their friendships change a lot at that age. Try not to stress too much and just see how it goes.

You're overthinking it. Your daughter wants to be with this friend and now she probably will, so she'll be happy. The school will have the ultimate decision and if they don't think it's right they will not put them together.

When my youngest was in primary they mixed the classes up every single year, which has pros and cons. The pros being he had lots of friends, the con being his friendships were more transient than his elder sibling who just stayed with the same class the entire time and has stronger lasting friendships with children he met in reception.

Well, is she with this girl in the new class?
I have to say, my DC’s primary mixes the classes every year, and the kids, and parents, only find out on the first day of term. No-one is asked for their wishes.

She’s going into year 5.

sorry I wasn’t clear - school actually said they shouldn’t be in same class not just hinted. But I stupidly said that’s her only friend and she might get upset. I thought at the time I was doing the right thing, I don’t like the new class she’s in there seems to be very bossy children in there - I have heard from my friends when I mentioned the names in her class. I think the class this year was so lovely so many quiet and sweet girls.

Yea she is with this girl in the new class

It’s done now so no point dwelling on it. It may work out for the best. Even if not, you’ve learned a lesson. I’m surprised they even asked tbh. I’ve never heard of a school doing that.

Yeah I wish they didn’t ask! And just put kids where they thought best.

The dynamics will be different next year, year 5 has been a bit of a shock friendship wise, up to the end of yr4 they all kind of mixed it up and played with everyone, yr 5 smaller friendship groups started forming, the affects of hormones and the beginning of puberty started making itself known in the moods of some of the kids. With the general mix up your DD and her friend may naturally end up with new interests and separating off from each other.

DD is just finishing yr 5 now and the difference in maturity is vast between them and the current yr 4s. They're still not very socially adept, they say stupid things, get in arguments over very little, don't think beyond the next couple of minutes in terms of consequences of their actions and are straddling that line between soft toys and fashionistas, but they are definitely more 'tweens' than the yr 4s.

You got what you wanted. There's no point getting upset about it. Secondary school soon and they'll all make new friends. Also I don't like how you've labelled the children "very bossy" nd "quiet and sweet girls".

Is this the first year they've mixed? I don't understand non mixing myself, my children went to a school where classes were mixed every year. It makes for an easier transition to secondary not to have been in a bubble of 30 for up to seven years.

Hopefully having some new children in her class may mean she can make some new friends even though this girl is in the same class.

I didn’t label them “bossy” 2 other mums did as they currently in their class I have no idea who these kids are to even say they bossy!

yes I did say the girls in current class are sweet because they are! What’s wrong with that

And? Then why have you just gone with what they've said. Are they confident leaders of the future? Why the preference for "sweet girls". It's fucked up

So at least 3 grown arse women are gossiping about 8/9yo children. Nice.

Very usual to mix at end of year 4. I'm dreading it - my oldest daughter has a lovely class and is friends with all the girls and a couple if the boys. The other class is nowhere near as nice and I can't only think of 1 girls who she would be friends with.

However, it is unusual to only have 1 friend at this age, do you think she actually has lots of friends but the dominant friend pushed her into putting only her down, or has isolated your daughter from other children as a form of control. This hapenned to my youngest, school picked up on it and moved the controlling child to another class, and my youngest has since made several lovely friendships.

It's never too late, if I was you I would ask for your daughter to move into the nicer class.

Yeah it's quite depressing really.

You’re overthinking.
If you hadn’t said anything and she was separated from her friend, you’d now be beating yourself up for not speaking up and panicking that she’ll have no friends in September.

What’s done is done and what will be will be. Let it go.

I agree about 'bossy'. Do you mean assertive? Bossy is typically an insult used to suggest that girls should shut up and sit down.

Are u lot seriously okay? I asked the mums whether they know x,y,z and they said they can be a little bossy. Go away seriously what is wrong with you!

And if they did that, I bet someone would complain that they hadn’t been consulted.

It's never too late, if I was you I would ask for your daughter to move into the nicer class. it isn't a "nicer" class. They don't mix them to nice and not as nice classes.

Why have you taken that to mean your child shouldn't be in a class with them?

This happens in most primary schools and happens every couple of years.

I was really sad at first and had similar reservations as you but in the end it worked out really well and it was definitely for the best.

They make new friends, so have more friends. And also learn to socialise with other children instead of the same couple that they usually do, which is really helpful for secondary school and beyond.

Some more assertive girls may be a good influence.

I would contact the school and explain you made a mistake based on prioritising your daughter not being upset versus what was best for her LT and you want to heed their advice. They can literally only say no.

Just to say as well in a school where you have a lot of children leaving and joining, you need to mix them every year or you can end up with very unbalanced classes. Also, children change and mature at different rates and what was a good mix in reception becomes a nightmare in year 2 etc.